Becoming the Best Version of YOU with Mary Kominska | RR343

Janice Porter: 00:00:02

Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's episode

Janice Porter: 00:00:05

of relationships rule. My guest today is Mary Kaminska, and I

Janice Porter: 00:00:10

want to just say Hi Mary and Welcome Hi Janice. Thank you so

Janice Porter: 00:00:14

much for having me My pleasure. Mary and I haven't known each

Janice Porter: 00:00:18

other that long. We did meet through little networking online

Janice Porter: 00:00:24

group that we both belonged to, and took it from there, really,

Janice Porter: 00:00:29

because now we've connected in so many different ways. And I

Janice Porter: 00:00:33

want to just mention a couple of things, because Mary is

Janice Porter: 00:00:35

definitely an entrepreneur. She does so many different things,

Janice Porter: 00:00:38

and she helps a lot of people with the things that she does, I

Janice Porter: 00:00:43

think first and foremost, and I think what has and correct me if

Janice Porter: 00:00:47

I'm wrong, Mary, but what, what I think has influenced her a lot

Janice Porter: 00:00:53

in her life today is 18 years with a direct sales company, And

Janice Porter: 00:00:59

that's a long time. And I know from my experience with network

Janice Porter: 00:01:04

marketing, same thing, network marketing, direct sales, are

Janice Porter: 00:01:07

under the same umbrella. I have learned and and been been drawn

Janice Porter: 00:01:14

to, a lot of personal growth. And I think you probably would

Janice Porter: 00:01:19

agree with me. I'm not sure. What do you say to that?

Mary Kominska: 00:01:21

Oh, I agree 100% when I worked in corporate, I

Mary Kominska: 00:01:25

was never given that opportunity. They don't really

Mary Kominska: 00:01:27

want you to grow. Yeah, and right? And so you you kind of

Mary Kominska: 00:01:32

have to, when you're your own boss, you have to figure things

Mary Kominska: 00:01:34

out. So I 100% that's one of the many things I love about being

Mary Kominska: 00:01:37

an entrepreneur, is I'm forced to grow.

Janice Porter: 00:01:40

Yeah, exactly. So, along with the direct sales

Janice Porter: 00:01:43

company that you've been with for all of that time, I know

Janice Porter: 00:01:47

that you that you're a certified mindset coach, certified master

Janice Porter: 00:01:54

mindset coach, and you also teach this four week course

Janice Porter: 00:02:01

called T, as in T, dot, e dot, a which stands for thoughts guide

Janice Porter: 00:02:06

our emotions and influence our actions. And I want to start

Janice Porter: 00:02:09

there, because I just took this course with you, and I know my

Janice Porter: 00:02:13

audience can't see this, but eventually, maybe they will. And

Janice Porter: 00:02:16

that is the booklet that went with the course called T. And

Janice Porter: 00:02:20

you did such a great job, Mary, that I wanted to start there,

Janice Porter: 00:02:23

because everything about that program speaks to relationship,

Janice Porter: 00:02:29

and in this case, relationship with self, and it's really an

Janice Porter: 00:02:34

important thing that a lot of us let go by the wayside Having

Janice Porter: 00:02:39

self care and learning more about ourselves and being not so

Janice Porter: 00:02:46

hard on ourselves all the time. So I'd love you to tell my

Janice Porter: 00:02:49

audience a little bit about the program and maybe even how it

Janice Porter: 00:02:52

started, and what your what your wish is for it.

Mary Kominska: 00:02:57

I love that. Thank you, Janice, and I was so

Mary Kominska: 00:02:59

grateful that you joined it and that you found value in it. And

Mary Kominska: 00:03:04

the journey to be where I am is quite interesting. And I think

Mary Kominska: 00:03:08

everyone is because we all have a story. I it was in 2018 and if

Mary Kominska: 00:03:15

you had asked me if I had boundaries, I said yes, but I

Mary Kominska: 00:03:18

really didn't. I would tell you what you could or couldn't do,

Mary Kominska: 00:03:22

but I didn't really know how to communicate it, and I sure as

Mary Kominska: 00:03:25

heck didn't know how to follow through with it. And so the day

Mary Kominska: 00:03:29

that I needed to call the police, and my son was arrested

Mary Kominska: 00:03:32

from my house for using heroin, there happened to be a

Mary Kominska: 00:03:35

boundaries class that night, and I said yes, and I went down

Mary Kominska: 00:03:39

there, not knowing what I was walking into. Lots of signs

Mary Kominska: 00:03:43

pointed me to why I was supposed to be there. So I ended up,

Mary Kominska: 00:03:46

after a year of practicing, get a phone call asking if I would

Mary Kominska: 00:03:51

be interested in CO facilitating the class. And I was like,

Mary Kominska: 00:03:54

You're funny. Like, I ain't got these figured out. And, and she

Mary Kominska: 00:03:58

said, No. She said, You are practicing them. That's what

Mary Kominska: 00:04:01

it's all about. And and I'm seeing the results of what

Mary Kominska: 00:04:04

you're doing with your son and even with your business. And so

Mary Kominska: 00:04:08

I really just, I want, I want you to spend some time and just

Mary Kominska: 00:04:12

really process that. And what have I got to lose, right? Like

Mary Kominska: 00:04:16

I'm going to learn. Because a lot of times when we teach, we

Mary Kominska: 00:04:19

learn even more than not, absolutely right? And so that

Mary Kominska: 00:04:23

started a beautiful journey. And did that for over three years.

Mary Kominska: 00:04:28

And even when covid hit, it was in person, and we were at the

Mary Kominska: 00:04:33

process wanting it to go to multiple locations. It was only

Mary Kominska: 00:04:37

at one location, and we were wanting it to get to multiple

Mary Kominska: 00:04:40

locations. And then we had finally gotten one at one

Mary Kominska: 00:04:44

location, the one at the big location where I was and covid

Mary Kominska: 00:04:47

hit, and we had to figure out what to do and zoom it became.

Mary Kominska: 00:04:52

And so we took those two courses and and then everything was on

Mary Kominska: 00:04:56

Zoom. And Janice, you gotta realize, I heard you say four

Mary Kominska: 00:04:58

weeks, and you just went through. Four weeks when I first

Mary Kominska: 00:05:01

took the course the boundaries, actual course itself, it was

Mary Kominska: 00:05:06

nine weeks. It then became 13 weeks because everybody wanted

Mary Kominska: 00:05:10

it longer. It was also two and a half hours

Janice Porter: 00:05:13

each, each class, each week, each week, right? So

Janice Porter: 00:05:17

what was the actual name? It wasn't just called boundaries.

Janice Porter: 00:05:20

Oh, just boundaries. Okay.

Mary Kominska: 00:05:23

Dr Henry Cloud and Townsend are the ones who

Mary Kominska: 00:05:27

wrote it. It's been around for years, okay? It is very, very

Mary Kominska: 00:05:31

scripture heavy. It is. It was very biblical, blue written and

Mary Kominska: 00:05:38

but it's very, it was very life changing for me. One of the

Mary Kominska: 00:05:42

things that I found throughout it though Janice is they never

Mary Kominska: 00:05:46

talked about thoughts. And so I would come along as a

Mary Kominska: 00:05:49

facilitator, saying, everything starts in your thoughts. So as a

Mary Kominska: 00:05:51

facilitator, I could kind of create my own thing. And I mean,

Mary Kominska: 00:05:55

the concept is great, and it was fab, feelings, attitudes,

Mary Kominska: 00:05:58

behavior. And so when the time came, the main guy who was

Mary Kominska: 00:06:03

facilitating it with me, life had changed for him, life had

Mary Kominska: 00:06:07

changed for me. And I knew that I was being called to write this

Mary Kominska: 00:06:13

course, but I also knew that it was to have zero scripture. It

Mary Kominska: 00:06:17

was only to be about the human experience, so that anybody, it

Mary Kominska: 00:06:21

does not matter and and I haven't figured out a better

Mary Kominska: 00:06:24

term, so please forgive me, because I really don't know a

Mary Kominska: 00:06:27

better way to say this, but I dumbed it down so that anybody,

Mary Kominska: 00:06:32

probably freshman, maybe even eighth grade, all the way to 100

Mary Kominska: 00:06:36

years old, could understand and grasp what's In this course. So

Mary Kominska: 00:06:41

it took nine months to write, and that was in 2023 so kind of

Mary Kominska: 00:06:46

like birthing a baby, right? I have a friend who, actually, you

Mary Kominska: 00:06:51

got to know her through the course, Pam and I, she was, she

Mary Kominska: 00:06:56

became a facilitator with us as well in the boundaries journey.

Mary Kominska: 00:06:59

And so I had called her and said, Hey, what would you think

Mary Kominska: 00:07:02

about helping me on this journey? She's like, I think

Mary Kominska: 00:07:05

it's great. I think it's exactly what's needed, as well as my

Mary Kominska: 00:07:09

sister. I had involved her in it as well. And so the three of us,

Mary Kominska: 00:07:15

kind of, in a roundabout way, I wrote it, but they helped bring

Mary Kominska: 00:07:18

it to life. And it was, I started it January of 24 and it

Mary Kominska: 00:07:24

was simply a so I rotate one month that's on Zoom, the next

Mary Kominska: 00:07:28

month is in person here in Mesa, on zoom in person. And it was, I

Mary Kominska: 00:07:33

would print you each week and bring it or email it to you. And

Mary Kominska: 00:07:37

through that same networking group that we met, I also got to

Mary Kominska: 00:07:40

meet Rebecca, who was a published author, and did a one

Mary Kominska: 00:07:43

to one with her, and she's like, Mary, you're 95% done. Why don't

Mary Kominska: 00:07:46

you make it a workbook? And I was like, Oh, wait, what? So did

Mary Kominska: 00:07:50

not see published author becoming part of this journey.

Mary Kominska: 00:07:53

So hopefully that answers kind of your question.

Janice Porter: 00:07:56

Well, it does, it does so. But when you were, you

Janice Porter: 00:08:00

know, reaching out and searching because you were dealing with

Janice Porter: 00:08:04

the issues with your son. Was it through the church that you

Janice Porter: 00:08:08

would find this boundaries? Course, then, is that it? Yes?

Mary Kominska: 00:08:10

Okay, there was a lot of my people in my life that

Mary Kominska: 00:08:14

I love dearly, that because it was at a church, they wouldn't

Mary Kominska: 00:08:17

take the class, but I knew they needed it in their lives, right?

Janice Porter: 00:08:22

Well, I think, instead of saying you're dumbing

Janice Porter: 00:08:24

it down, I think maybe that you, what you you might want to think

Janice Porter: 00:08:28

about is saying something like you SEC secularized, that if I

Janice Porter: 00:08:33

can say that word and or that you that you wanted it to reach

Janice Porter: 00:08:38

more people, so you, I like that. Put it in lay terms, or

Janice Porter: 00:08:42

you made it about, like you said, you said, the you use the

Janice Porter: 00:08:46

term, it's about the power of the human right, or the, yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:08:51

the human experience, that yeah, so that to make it about the

Janice Porter: 00:08:54

human experience. And I think, and you say, I've got a quote

Janice Porter: 00:08:58

here from you. She's, I say you're passionate about

Janice Porter: 00:09:00

empowering people to be the best and beautiful you that you were

Janice Porter: 00:09:05

created to be inside and out. And that's really the essence

Janice Porter: 00:09:09

that it could be, right? So, and I like that. Thank you

Mary Kominska: 00:09:12

for those new words. And see, that's another

Mary Kominska: 00:09:14

thing about growth. Every day is an opportunity to learn

Mary Kominska: 00:09:17

something different and to flip the script on what you say,

Mary Kominska: 00:09:21

yeah.

Janice Porter: 00:09:21

I wanted more people to experience it, yeah.

Janice Porter: 00:09:24

So I put it into language, or I put it into a layman's terms,

Janice Porter: 00:09:28

yeah, layman's terms. I put it into a way that more people

Janice Porter: 00:09:31

could, that I could reach more people with it. And I think

Janice Porter: 00:09:33

that's the key right there. And one of the sections in the

Janice Porter: 00:09:41

course that you that, that I just experienced was, was the

Janice Porter: 00:09:44

the last one, which is about self care, self care, and that's

Janice Porter: 00:09:51

where so many of us struggle, because we don't realize what we

Janice Porter: 00:09:54

don't what we're doing to ourselves, and we don't realize

Janice Porter: 00:09:57

what, what's missing. Perhaps. Apps, or how our life could be

Janice Porter: 00:10:01

more fun or more full or whatever, until somebody stops

Janice Porter: 00:10:06

us in our tracks and says, Hey, you know, are you doing this?

Janice Porter: 00:10:09

This, this and this, or are you not doing this? This is this.

Janice Porter: 00:10:12

And I noticed everybody was different in the class, you

Janice Porter: 00:10:18

know, like you ask us a question to share or something, I'm

Janice Porter: 00:10:22

always the first one to speak, because I don't want it to be

Janice Porter: 00:10:24

dead silence, and I don't know what I'm going to say, but I

Janice Porter: 00:10:26

usually will, you know, try to break the ice, because that's

Janice Porter: 00:10:29

who I am. And some people are more reluctant, and I feel as

Janice Porter: 00:10:32

though they were heavier. Some of the people that were there,

Janice Porter: 00:10:35

you know, and had more issues, I don't think I've ever been in

Janice Porter: 00:10:42

um, in I don't know, like this is a good question. Actually, we

Janice Porter: 00:10:48

all have our struggles, and we all have our problems, and we

Janice Porter: 00:10:50

all have our problem people in our lives and things like that,

Janice Porter: 00:10:53

and but I have not walked in the shoes that you've walked in, and

Janice Porter: 00:10:58

I know that you're an open book, and I know that your story is on

Janice Porter: 00:11:03

your website, and it's a long one, and it's a troubled one. I

Janice Porter: 00:11:06

mean, you've been through hell and back, to be honest, in many

Janice Porter: 00:11:10

ways, from when you were a child, and to look at you now,

Janice Porter: 00:11:12

which is how I met you, I would have had no idea. Okay, so kudos

Janice Porter: 00:11:17

to you for being strong enough to bring yourself through all of

Janice Porter: 00:11:23

the the issues in your world and help and now helping others. But

Janice Porter: 00:11:31

I don't know. I never had that. I had a normal upbringing with

Janice Porter: 00:11:37

two parents who and a sister, and, you know, yeah, my parents

Janice Porter: 00:11:41

fought, but you know, it wasn't like your life that I read

Janice Porter: 00:11:46

about. And so I always wonder, if you haven't had the extremes,

Janice Porter: 00:11:52

whether you can grow as much. I don't know if that's making

Janice Porter: 00:11:57

sense, but no,

Mary Kominska: 00:11:58

it completely makes sense. And I here's what I

Mary Kominska: 00:12:01

can tell you my sister, for example, I met her at the bus

Mary Kominska: 00:12:05

stop of seventh grade.

Janice Porter: 00:12:07

She, oh, wait a second, that's now what you who

Janice Porter: 00:12:09

you call your sister? Yes. What was her name?

Mary Kominska: 00:12:11

Legally Tammy. Tammy, right. Yeah, okay. Her

Mary Kominska: 00:12:15

family legally adopted me on my 17th birthday, as you read in my

Mary Kominska: 00:12:18

story, right? So I made her at the bus stop of seventh grade.

Mary Kominska: 00:12:22

Yeah, and you have to read the about me on my website to find

Mary Kominska: 00:12:26

out the deals on that. A little teaser for you. But she was that

Mary Kominska: 00:12:29

way. She grew up with two parents and and two siblings and

Janice Porter: 00:12:34

and, and you wanted her family. You wanted to

Janice Porter: 00:12:37

did.

Mary Kominska: 00:12:37

I did, right and so, but even when I got inside,

Mary Kominska: 00:12:42

it wasn't all roses and right, but flies, right? I mean, the

Mary Kominska: 00:12:46

majority of it was, don't get me wrong, but every family has

Mary Kominska: 00:12:50

their own thing, and even if it's not you, there is somebody

Mary Kominska: 00:12:53

in your life. If you and I love that, your whole thing is about

Mary Kominska: 00:12:56

relationships, because that's what I'm about to write,

Mary Kominska: 00:12:58

personal and professional. You really get to know somebody by

Mary Kominska: 00:13:02

asking them the right questions. A lot of us, so we come from the

Mary Kominska: 00:13:07

generation of it's Nuna business. Shove it under the

Mary Kominska: 00:13:10

rug. What happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.

Mary Kominska: 00:13:14

And so like for me, I was dying inside on the outside, just like

Mary Kominska: 00:13:19

I heard you say you would never have guessed the way I walked

Mary Kominska: 00:13:22

through. I wasn't I wasn't told I should have won an Academy

Mary Kominska: 00:13:26

Award, because nobody would have ever guessed right, and because

Mary Kominska: 00:13:31

I didn't want anybody to know. Yeah, but that must be

Mary Kominska: 00:13:34

stressful. It is it is so not healthy. It is so not healthy.

Mary Kominska: 00:13:39

And hurt people, hurt people. So I was a hurt human, hurting

Mary Kominska: 00:13:43

other humans, but it wasn't what I meant to do. That's not what I

Mary Kominska: 00:13:46

wanted to do, but you were hurting yourself too. I was, I

Mary Kominska: 00:13:49

was and I didn't think that anything was wrong with me. And

Mary Kominska: 00:13:52

going to a therapist has such a stigma, and I'm so grateful that

Mary Kominska: 00:13:56

we're finally getting to the point where it's healthy to go.

Mary Kominska: 00:14:00

It's not a stigma to go but I think two of the important

Mary Kominska: 00:14:03

things Janice is I know that when I started in network

Mary Kominska: 00:14:07

marketing and I started having a team, I became a leader. I never

Mary Kominska: 00:14:12

saw myself as a leader, just because I had people on the

Mary Kominska: 00:14:15

team, I never saw myself as a leader. And so when I heard the

Mary Kominska: 00:14:18

words, the hardest person you're ever going to lead is yourself.

Mary Kominska: 00:14:22

That was powerful to me, because we lead people all day long. We

Mary Kominska: 00:14:27

lead our spouses, we lead our children, we lead our friends.

Mary Kominska: 00:14:30

But it's true, the hardest person we ever lead is ourselves

Mary Kominska: 00:14:34

and boundaries. Sure, boundaries is about other people, but the

Mary Kominska: 00:14:37

hardest people we ever have boundaries with is ourselves.

Mary Kominska: 00:14:40

Yeah, right. So even if you have not had the to Hell and Back

Mary Kominska: 00:14:46

life that I have, there's still always something that's so deep

Mary Kominska: 00:14:51

bedded in in our subconscious that's causing you to do what

Mary Kominska: 00:14:55

you do today that stems all the way back that you

Janice Porter: 00:14:58

don't even have a memory. Yes. Yes, yes, I can

Janice Porter: 00:15:01

think of an example too. Actually, I struggle daily with

Janice Porter: 00:15:06

my relationship with my girls, my two daughters, they're

Janice Porter: 00:15:11

leading their own lives and they're they're here, but

Janice Porter: 00:15:13

they're leading their own lives, and they're busy and whatever,

Janice Porter: 00:15:15

and they don't call, you know, they text when they want

Janice Porter: 00:15:21

something. And then my daughter, one one of my daughters, was

Janice Porter: 00:15:24

away for two weeks, and she on business, and she was really

Janice Porter: 00:15:27

sick when she got home, so I didn't see her. She was supposed

Janice Porter: 00:15:30

to come over Sunday. I didn't see her, so I called Monday to

Janice Porter: 00:15:33

see how she was like I said, You want me to send food over? Do

Janice Porter: 00:15:36

you want me? Whatever? No, I'm just going to go to sleep, Mom,

Janice Porter: 00:15:40

I call on FaceTime, and she doesn't take my call, and then I

Janice Porter: 00:15:44

called her again last night. She's got no time, no time, and

Janice Porter: 00:15:47

so I'm supposed to understand that and let it be right. And

Janice Porter: 00:15:52

then I It eats me up inside, and then I have this other piece

Janice Porter: 00:15:57

that's in my back of my mind, saying how I was when my mother

Janice Porter: 00:16:02

called me, yeah, and my mother would say, I haven't heard from

Janice Porter: 00:16:07

you for two weeks, and right away, my back's up, right? So

Janice Porter: 00:16:11

it's just, it's so weird, but it's all, it's there, like it's

Janice Porter: 00:16:16

inside, or it is

Mary Kominska: 00:16:18

so subconscious. Yeah, it is so subconscious. But

Mary Kominska: 00:16:21

you know, it's interesting, Janice, because what I just

Mary Kominska: 00:16:23

heard you say was so powerful. You I didn't hear these words

Mary Kominska: 00:16:28

until my son was 25 years old. Raise your children to leave you

Mary Kominska: 00:16:32

and not need you, right? And so that's not what I was shown.

Mary Kominska: 00:16:36

That's not what my friends were shown, but that's absolutely

Mary Kominska: 00:16:39

what you did with your girls. The other thing that was

Mary Kominska: 00:16:42

powerful that I heard you say, and I've had this struggle with

Mary Kominska: 00:16:45

some friends and my son as well, how come you only call me when

Mary Kominska: 00:16:48

you need something? Yeah, right, and be glad that they're calling

Mary Kominska: 00:16:53

us right, right? But at the same token, call us because you want

Mary Kominska: 00:16:57

to know how we are. You want, like, not because you want

Mary Kominska: 00:17:00

something from us, right? And I think that that's super

Mary Kominska: 00:17:04

important with relationships. Don't be the person that the

Mary Kominska: 00:17:07

only time you call someone is because you need something from

Mary Kominska: 00:17:10

them, right? And I think during covid, that was a really big

Mary Kominska: 00:17:14

wake up call, just checking in. How are you? How are you feeling

Mary Kominska: 00:17:18

through all this? How's your family? And let's not get away

Mary Kominska: 00:17:21

from that just because we're four or five years past it.

Mary Kominska: 00:17:24

Let's stick true to that, right? And and just a simple phone

Mary Kominska: 00:17:30

call, and even if they don't answer, leave a voicemail, you

Mary Kominska: 00:17:32

know, hey, checking in on you. How you doing, we'd love to hear

Mary Kominska: 00:17:35

your voice. Yeah, you don't want anything. And I think that as

Mary Kominska: 00:17:39

relationships, we need to get back to that.

Janice Porter: 00:17:44

Yeah, it's very true. It's very true. So how do

Janice Porter: 00:17:47

you how do you divide your time? Or do you, because I know that

Janice Porter: 00:17:51

you've done as I have, and I love this that you've done on

Janice Porter: 00:17:54

your website. You've got your your sections of your website,

Janice Porter: 00:17:59

have your course, and then what you call inside beauty, outside

Janice Porter: 00:18:03

beauty. So you've got an umbrella over the things that

Janice Porter: 00:18:05

you do, which you love the best and beautiful you. And how do

Janice Porter: 00:18:09

you divide your time? Does it come in? I mean, you're very

Janice Porter: 00:18:12

organized about your time. So do you or do you lean towards like,

Janice Porter: 00:18:19

Do you love life coaching right now more than you love doing

Janice Porter: 00:18:22

your your Avon business. I don't mind saying that it's your Avon

Janice Porter: 00:18:25

business or, you know, or is it the course that you're promoting

Janice Porter: 00:18:29

and then teaching? So how do you balance it all? Or do you,

Mary Kominska: 00:18:33

well, it's kind of a juggling act, because on

Mary Kominska: 00:18:35

top of all that, I've also added, oh yeah, yes, to to as if

Mary Kominska: 00:18:41

I don't have enough to do. And I, as you learned in the tea

Mary Kominska: 00:18:44

course, I talk about jam sessions, I talk about love

Mary Kominska: 00:18:47

that. And it's not time management, it's person

Mary Kominska: 00:18:50

management, right? Because we all have 24 hours a day, seven

Mary Kominska: 00:18:53

days a week. There is not one person that, because you have a

Mary Kominska: 00:18:57

different skin color or your bank account looks different,

Mary Kominska: 00:18:59

you don't have any more time or less time than I do, so it

Mary Kominska: 00:19:01

doesn't matter, right? And so when I learned that it was

Mary Kominska: 00:19:05

person management, and again, back to boundaries and leading

Mary Kominska: 00:19:08

myself is where that comes from. And so I do them in chunks and I

Mary Kominska: 00:19:12

do them in jam sessions, but I also have to allow myself time

Mary Kominska: 00:19:16

to fill up on me, going back to week four of the course, right?

Mary Kominska: 00:19:20

Self care. I have to fill up on me. And so the last two days, I

Mary Kominska: 00:19:25

have not been Go, go, go out of the home. I've been Go, go, go

Mary Kominska: 00:19:30

in the home, but I gave myself two extra naps. What is that

Mary Kominska: 00:19:34

right? Today is a go, go, go. But as you also learned in the T

Mary Kominska: 00:19:39

course, I do a lot of white space, and I give myself 30

Mary Kominska: 00:19:42

minutes in between. Heck, I gave myself an hour in between my

Mary Kominska: 00:19:46

last one to meet you, and I barely made it by the hour,

Mary Kominska: 00:19:50

because again, I got stuck by a train, and I got stuck by

Mary Kominska: 00:19:52

somebody wanted to have a conversation with me. So you you

Mary Kominska: 00:19:56

have to find your sweet spot, and so when you're juggling

Mary Kominska: 00:19:59

multiple. Things You know. Even think about a young mama. You're

Mary Kominska: 00:20:03

juggling a job, you're juggling activities, you're juggling food

Mary Kominska: 00:20:08

prep, you're juggling shopping, you're juggling all these things

Mary Kominska: 00:20:11

you've got to make sure that you fill up on you first and

Mary Kominska: 00:20:14

foremost before you pour out to everything and everybody else

Janice Porter: 00:20:18

put the life mask on you before anybody right? You

Janice Porter: 00:20:20

learned last night, good job. Yeah, oh yeah, I that one, I

Janice Porter: 00:20:24

know, but I thought about you today, because after my my last

Janice Porter: 00:20:30

call, it was over at noon, my time, and I wanted to go grab a

Janice Porter: 00:20:36

bite to eat. And so I got myself a sandwich and a cup of tea, and

Janice Porter: 00:20:40

I put the TV on, and I sat down for half an hour, and I thought

Janice Porter: 00:20:44

about you, and I thought, yeah, Mary would approve of this, so

Janice Porter: 00:20:46

this is cool, yeah, and then back at it.

Mary Kominska: 00:20:48

No, you, they couldn't see me. I was talking

Mary Kominska: 00:20:50

for you.

Janice Porter: 00:20:52

So it's, it's, um, yeah, it's, it's, it's,

Janice Porter: 00:20:55

actually, it's, it's kind of the reward, in a way, for being

Janice Porter: 00:21:02

one's own boss and being able to, you know, make those

Janice Porter: 00:21:05

decisions. But we have to do it wisely, and we have to,

Janice Porter: 00:21:08

otherwise we're not going to get anywhere. Of course, we have to

Janice Porter: 00:21:11

have those boundaries, but we also have to have those that the

Janice Porter: 00:21:17

drive to get up and go back to work, you know, to do

Mary Kominska: 00:21:20

it, yeah. And how many times have you said, or

Mary Kominska: 00:21:23

have you heard somebody say when you ask, how are you Oh, I'm

Mary Kominska: 00:21:26

busy. Oh, I'm busy. Busy doing what? Busy chasing your tail?

Mary Kominska: 00:21:30

Because that's, that's what I used to do, until I learned

Mary Kominska: 00:21:33

these skills and put them to use and all that. And so there's a

Mary Kominska: 00:21:36

difference between being busy and being productive, right? And

Mary Kominska: 00:21:40

so you were productive by sitting down having lunch,

Mary Kominska: 00:21:43

watching that 30 minutes of TV, you were productive because then

Mary Kominska: 00:21:48

you're you're you're taking your body down, you're calming your

Mary Kominska: 00:21:52

cortisol. You're doing all that so that you can then go be

Mary Kominska: 00:21:55

productive and work again. So even if you're sitting on the

Mary Kominska: 00:21:59

couch eating Bon Bon, you are being productive, not for like

Mary Kominska: 00:22:03

two hours.

Janice Porter: 00:22:03

I'm just saying, yeah, yeah. Just saying, right.

Janice Porter: 00:22:06

So in the back of the book that the book workbook that we have

Janice Porter: 00:22:12

from your course, there's a very long list of books that you have

Janice Porter: 00:22:15

read and recommend. Do you read constantly? Are you reading now?

Janice Porter: 00:22:20

What are you reading now?

Mary Kominska: 00:22:22

So right now, I actually was, I love being on

Mary Kominska: 00:22:25

book launches, and I was on a book launch for the book that

Mary Kominska: 00:22:28

I'm reading now, and it was, I am an audible girl, so okay, to

Mary Kominska: 00:22:33

my sister for a second, I have a stack of books, and I always had

Mary Kominska: 00:22:37

intentions of reading them, but to sit and actually do that. It

Mary Kominska: 00:22:41

was just too hard. But when I'm folding laundry or I'm doing

Mary Kominska: 00:22:45

doing mundane things, I can listen. So my sister turned me

Mary Kominska: 00:22:48

on to Audible, and I fought her. You know, typical,

Janice Porter: 00:22:51

typical. I'm still fighting it, because I'm

Janice Porter: 00:22:52

not, I know.

Mary Kominska: 00:22:54

I know. Well, I'm telling you, it's powerful.

Janice Porter: 00:22:56

It's powerful. I listen to podcasts, so I'm sure

Janice Porter: 00:22:58

it wouldn't be that big of

Mary Kominska: 00:22:59

it is so good. It is so good. And so I found that

Mary Kominska: 00:23:04

even as being on the book launch, because I needed to read

Mary Kominska: 00:23:07

it on Kindle, even just to sit and do that, it was so hard. I

Mary Kominska: 00:23:09

don't like doing so I know. And so it came out on the 21st and

Mary Kominska: 00:23:15

it's on Audible, and I already pre ordered it on Audible, so,

Mary Kominska: 00:23:18

but it's called joyful outsiders. And so I believe most

Mary Kominska: 00:23:25

people know what FOMO is. Do you know what FOMO is? What is FOMO?

Mary Kominska: 00:23:29

Fear Of Missing Out. Okay, what is Jomo? Let's flip that script.

Mary Kominska: 00:23:33

What's Jomo?

Janice Porter: 00:23:34

I'm going to guess his Troy of missing out,

Mary Kominska: 00:23:37

absolutely, absolutely. And even as I was

Mary Kominska: 00:23:40

learning boundaries, and I was learning different things, that

Mary Kominska: 00:23:47

being a I always had this FOMO, I always had this fear of

Mary Kominska: 00:23:50

missing out. And so years ago, I flipped the script to Jomo and

Mary Kominska: 00:23:54

so, and then I always felt like an outsider. I've always felt

Mary Kominska: 00:23:57

like an outsider. I've always felt like an outsider. And so

Mary Kominska: 00:24:00

when this book now, these authors, they are pastors, just

Mary Kominska: 00:24:03

for clarity, yeah, they did write a book called Truth over

Mary Kominska: 00:24:06

tribe, which was a very powerful book, and that's how I met them.

Mary Kominska: 00:24:11

And so then they have a podcast. So I started listening to their

Mary Kominska: 00:24:13

podcast after I read their book. And then on the podcast, they

Mary Kominska: 00:24:16

announced they were doing the book launch. And because of I

Mary Kominska: 00:24:19

know they're not going to be able to see it. Janice, but you

Mary Kominska: 00:24:21

will, that's okay. Um, okay. So as being part of the book

Mary Kominska: 00:24:25

launch, the first 100 people got this cool Jomo hat.

Unknown: 00:24:29

Love it. Hang on. Hang on.

Mary Kominska: 00:24:32

Okay, okay, okay.

Janice Porter: 00:24:34

All right, here we go. Ready, set. Smile. Okay,

Janice Porter: 00:24:38

that's very cute. Very cute.

Mary Kominska: 00:24:40

Alright, so joyful. Outsiders is what I'm

Mary Kominska: 00:24:43

listening to now. I do a book a month. Sometimes I do maybe a

Mary Kominska: 00:24:48

little bit more. I have a few extra credits because I've been

Mary Kominska: 00:24:54

listening to more podcasts, listening to your podcast,

Mary Kominska: 00:24:57

listening to some newer ones that i. I've been introduced to,

Mary Kominska: 00:25:01

but when I'm in my car, it's podcast and audible. I don't

Mary Kominska: 00:25:05

listen to music. I don't listen so, yeah, that's what I'm

Mary Kominska: 00:25:09

reading now. And that that list in the back that is, trust me, I

Mary Kominska: 00:25:13

had to narrow it down, and it was really hard to narrow down

Mary Kominska: 00:25:16

because that list is probably five times what I've actually

Mary Kominska: 00:25:21

read five times more than what made it in the workbook.

Janice Porter: 00:25:24

Wow, that's amazing. So are you still as

Janice Porter: 00:25:28

excited about building a team in your direct sales company as you

Janice Porter: 00:25:36

were back when you started?

Mary Kominska: 00:25:38

So here, that's a great question. And so here's

Mary Kominska: 00:25:41

what I have to tell you, the answer is yes, with the however,

Mary Kominska: 00:25:46

in the very beginning, again, I didn't see myself as a leader,

Mary Kominska: 00:25:49

but the person, and not even the person who brought me into the

Mary Kominska: 00:25:51

business, but her person, saw something in me that I didn't

Mary Kominska: 00:25:54

see in myself. And that's usually how it goes, right?

Mary Kominska: 00:25:57

Yeah. And so I had built this team. I was, at one point I was

Mary Kominska: 00:26:00

like number two in Arizona, and then Avon made some poor

Mary Kominska: 00:26:04

choices. Mary made some poor choices. Life happened, set it

Mary Kominska: 00:26:07

up, and the last couple of years it I haven't even offered the

Mary Kominska: 00:26:11

business at all the last couple of years. However, December of

Mary Kominska: 00:26:16

24 they made some incredible changes to where I've started

Mary Kominska: 00:26:20

offering the opportunity a couple times a week now. So it's

Mary Kominska: 00:26:24

almost like there's this new found fresh excitement that has

Mary Kominska: 00:26:28

come on to me. That was there 18 and a half, will be 19 years in

Mary Kominska: 00:26:33

June, that I joined this business, right? And so it's

Mary Kominska: 00:26:36

back, and I'm super excited about it.

Janice Porter: 00:26:38

That's interesting, because it's, it's

Janice Porter: 00:26:41

actually very similar with Send Out Cards I just got. I was on a

Janice Porter: 00:26:46

call yesterday because there they asked me to be part of this

Janice Porter: 00:26:50

group to beta test this new card editor that's coming out soon,

Janice Porter: 00:26:54

which is really exciting. And there were a couple of people on

Janice Porter: 00:26:58

this call that I hadn't seen for years, who have just resurfaced,

Janice Porter: 00:27:03

and it seems like that's what's happening. Maybe it's the world,

Janice Porter: 00:27:07

maybe it's the industry, maybe it's just these people that have

Janice Porter: 00:27:11

come back around. But there's something happening because,

Janice Porter: 00:27:16

well, there's a lot happening, right, especially in the United

Janice Porter: 00:27:18

States, but we don't want yeah, there is, yeah, and I think even

Mary Kominska: 00:27:22

on Facebook memories. I just love Facebook

Mary Kominska: 00:27:25

memories. But two years ago, this right now, I was in New

Mary Kominska: 00:27:30

York. I was one of 50 out of 10s of 1000s selected to be a voice

Mary Kominska: 00:27:35

for the field. And so I got to go to New York and be I. It was

Mary Kominska: 00:27:40

brand beehive. Was a group I was in. A lot of did not come out of

Mary Kominska: 00:27:45

that. There's been some shift in LG, which is a Korean, South

Mary Kominska: 00:27:49

Korean based company. They bought a the North America side

Mary Kominska: 00:27:53

of Avon back 18, yes. And so their home and household, that's

Mary Kominska: 00:27:58

why we can offer Korean beauty that we have, and they own reach

Mary Kominska: 00:28:02

and example. And now Canada and Avon are uniting forces. So now

Mary Kominska: 00:28:07

Canada is now part of the US, and they're still trying to make

Mary Kominska: 00:28:10

it to where people in Canada, I don't know if it's going to

Mary Kominska: 00:28:13

happen, because I know there's all the tariffs, all those

Mary Kominska: 00:28:15

different things, but, but now Canada and the US coming

Mary Kominska: 00:28:20

together. I think that that was a really good shift for Avon as

Mary Kominska: 00:28:23

well. So a lot of good things have come, but it's only been in

Mary Kominska: 00:28:27

the last few months. Well, that's

Janice Porter: 00:28:29

interesting, though. LG, I think of

Janice Porter: 00:28:31

appliances and television,

Mary Kominska: 00:28:33

TV and, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's, that's an

Mary Kominska: 00:28:36

umbrella. So it's the LG, H and H, home and household, okay,

Mary Kominska: 00:28:40

yeah, got it household, at home, something like that. But that's

Mary Kominska: 00:28:43

where, yeah, so there's, there's so much to offer.

Janice Porter: 00:28:48

So my theory is that there's only five people

Janice Porter: 00:28:50

that that, that own the world. Anyway, it's like, you know,

Janice Porter: 00:28:53

that own everything. I was talking, I don't, wasn't on my

Janice Porter: 00:28:56

podcast. I was talking to someone last week. I don't think

Janice Porter: 00:29:02

it was on my podcast. I'm not sure if it was someone who's

Janice Porter: 00:29:05

going, Oh, it was someone who's coming on my podcast. I don't

Janice Porter: 00:29:08

know. And he was telling me, oh yeah, it was a guy met on

Janice Porter: 00:29:10

LinkedIn, really interesting guy, and he used to work for

Janice Porter: 00:29:13

George Lucas for 20 years, yeah. And he we talked about that

Janice Porter: 00:29:20

because I love entertainment industry and everything, and it

Janice Porter: 00:29:24

was bought by Disney, and Disney has not done it well, apparently

Janice Porter: 00:29:30

it right. But Disney owns ABC Television Network. Disney owns

Janice Porter: 00:29:36

ESPN. It owns a bunch of stuff, right? But when I was we were

Janice Porter: 00:29:40

talking to this guy. He said to me that the the company that

Janice Porter: 00:29:45

owns the biggest share of Disney, so actually, rules

Janice Porter: 00:29:50

Disney is not Disney or a founding family member.

Unknown: 00:29:54

It's Black, Black Rock. Is it called? I think

Janice Porter: 00:29:59

that's an. It's a big company that's multinational

Janice Porter: 00:30:06

investment type company, and they have, if not, the biggest

Janice Porter: 00:30:11

shares, the second biggest number of shares, voting shares

Janice Porter: 00:30:15

to Disney. The first person is, got this, right? Jeff Bezos is

Janice Porter: 00:30:24

ex wife, and he's the guy that owns Amazon, yeah, so, like,

Janice Porter: 00:30:28

Mackenzie, yeah, that's right. MacKenzie Scott, like, they've

Janice Porter: 00:30:32

got, right? It's like, there's five people that they all own

Janice Porter: 00:30:36

everything, right? So experience, I think it's called

Janice Porter: 00:30:39

Black Rock, but anyway, very fascinating. So I know that you

Janice Porter: 00:30:46

probably I'm curious to know what your answer will be to

Janice Porter: 00:30:50

this, my last second to last question. And that is my

Janice Porter: 00:30:55

favorite word, is curiosity, and I want to know whether you think

Janice Porter: 00:31:00

it is innate or learned, and what you're most curious about

Janice Porter: 00:31:06

today. So, two part question,

Mary Kominska: 00:31:09

two part question. I love it, you know, I

Mary Kominska: 00:31:11

I believe that it is innate in us. Think about when we were

Mary Kominska: 00:31:16

little. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? And then adults shut that down.

Mary Kominska: 00:31:22

They dull that Spirit in us, and so we stopped learning. And then

Mary Kominska: 00:31:26

there's that same curiosity killed the cat. No, it didn't,

Mary Kominska: 00:31:29

no, it didn't right. So I think curiosity is there. I think you

Mary Kominska: 00:31:33

have to tap into it as an adult. And I am always curious about

Mary Kominska: 00:31:38

other people when I learned to ask the right questions, instead

Mary Kominska: 00:31:43

of, how are you, so instead of how are you, what exciting thing

Mary Kominska: 00:31:47

is, is happening in your life right now? Or what, what are you

Mary Kominska: 00:31:50

looking forward to this week or this year, or whatever? Right so

Mary Kominska: 00:31:52

learning to have those different questions opens that curiosity

Mary Kominska: 00:31:56

spark. And so I'm always curious about other people and their

Mary Kominska: 00:32:01

story, and helping them pull out their story like others did for

Mary Kominska: 00:32:05

me along the journey.

Janice Porter: 00:32:06

Nice. All right. And last question, what is your

Janice Porter: 00:32:10

favorite or best piece of advice you would like to leave with my

Janice Porter: 00:32:14

audience?

Mary Kominska: 00:32:16

So there are so many, but I think as I land this

Mary Kominska: 00:32:21

plane, when I was working full time in corporate America, and I

Mary Kominska: 00:32:30

was making more in my side gig business than I was a corporate

Mary Kominska: 00:32:35

and I wanted to do this full time, I fought because we were

Mary Kominska: 00:32:40

the Only department that did not have part time. I fought

Mary Kominska: 00:32:43

corporate. I won. This was when the last downturn happened in

Mary Kominska: 00:32:46

2012 and I was laid off shortly week, shortly after, okay, to

Mary Kominska: 00:32:50

this day, that department still has part time. So I'm I right,

Mary Kominska: 00:32:54

but I decided, Okay, I'm going to figure out, I'm going to

Mary Kominska: 00:32:56

spend the weekend, and then I'm going to figure out how to do

Mary Kominska: 00:32:59

this thing full time. I'm happy to report, it took me eight

Mary Kominska: 00:33:03

years to figure out how to do it okay, because you don't have

Mary Kominska: 00:33:06

somebody telling you what to do, when to do it, how to do it,

Mary Kominska: 00:33:09

right? It comes back to that personal management, leading

Mary Kominska: 00:33:11

mountains yourself. But the advice, and this was from a dear

Mary Kominska: 00:33:15

friend. We don't chat anymore, and I don't know why it's one of

Mary Kominska: 00:33:18

those, we just kind of went our separate ways, but she was a

Mary Kominska: 00:33:21

coach of mine at the time, and if we weren't friends, I don't

Mary Kominska: 00:33:24

know that I would have ever spoken to her, but it's one of

Mary Kominska: 00:33:26

the best advice. And she said to me, one day, Mary, you're full

Mary Kominska: 00:33:30

of great ideas. When are you going to do something with them?

Mary Kominska: 00:33:33

And that just like smacked me, even though we weren't face to

Mary Kominska: 00:33:37

face over the phone, but it was like She smacked me across the

Mary Kominska: 00:33:39

face, and from that moment on, I decided I'm going to tell you

Mary Kominska: 00:33:43

what I've done, not what I'm going to do. So don't tell

Mary Kominska: 00:33:47

people what you're going to do. Show them what

Janice Porter: 00:33:49

you've done. Beautiful. That's really good

Janice Porter: 00:33:53

advice. Totally, yeah, totally good advice. Love this. Thank

Janice Porter: 00:33:56

you, Mary. How can people find you? And I will put it in the

Janice Porter: 00:33:59

show notes. And if they're interested in looking into your

Janice Porter: 00:34:02

course, or they need some Avon products, and they've lost their

Janice Porter: 00:34:05

person, right? How can they find you

Mary Kominska: 00:34:09

so best and beautiful, you.com all spelled

Mary Kominska: 00:34:12

out B, E, S, T, the word and spelled out a, n, D, B, E, A, U,

Mary Kominska: 00:34:17

T, i, f, U, L and the word you all spelled out, y, O, u.com,

Mary Kominska: 00:34:22

gives everything in one stop shop. You can find my tea course

Mary Kominska: 00:34:26

the about will tell you the story. You can read that story

Mary Kominska: 00:34:28

and get some more details about meeting my sister. Your outside

Mary Kominska: 00:34:33

beauty is Avon, and then your inside beauty is just a little

Mary Kominska: 00:34:37

miss of things, right? My life coaching. So whatever, whatever

Mary Kominska: 00:34:41

I can do to support you, to help you, and not even to help you,

Mary Kominska: 00:34:45

to empower you to be the best and beautiful you that you were

Mary Kominska: 00:34:48

created to be inside and out. I would love an opportunity, but

Mary Kominska: 00:34:52

at the same token, one thing you can do for absolutely free, my

Mary Kominska: 00:34:56

favorite four letter F word is go to the contact me and. Then

Mary Kominska: 00:35:01

join my mailing list. I promise I don't spam you. I send a

Mary Kominska: 00:35:05

newsletter once a week and a blog once a month. That's what

Mary Kominska: 00:35:08

you'll get for me, unless you want something more than let me

Mary Kominska: 00:35:10

know. But that's something you can do for fre. That's the usual

Mary Kominska: 00:35:16

social like Justin beautiful. You on Facebook, on Insta and

Mary Kominska: 00:35:21

LinkedIn. I'm Mary Kaminska on LinkedIn, right, but I don't do

Mary Kominska: 00:35:25

any of the x or tick tock or any I think I'm on Pinterest, but I

Mary Kominska: 00:35:30

never go on there, but I think I'm on there.

Janice Porter: 00:35:33

Well, thank you again for being for your time

Janice Porter: 00:35:35

and for your wisdom, and I appreciate you being here. Thank

Janice Porter: 00:35:37

you to my audience for being here, and remember to stay

Janice Porter: 00:35:40

connected and be remembered.

Mary Kominska: 00:35:42

Thank you. You're welcome.