Building Better Leaders: A Deep Dive with Kim Ades of Frame of Mind Coaching | RR277

Janice Porter: 00:00:01

Kim, Hello everyone, and welcome to this

Janice Porter: 00:00:04

episode of relationships rule. I have a wonderful guest with me

Janice Porter: 00:00:08

today, Kim Addis. And Kim and I just met recently, but I feel

Janice Porter: 00:00:13

like it was so easy to talk to her when we first met that I'm

Janice Porter: 00:00:17

excited about the interview and getting to know her and letting

Janice Porter: 00:00:20

you get to know her expertise and her secret sauce, if you

Janice Porter: 00:00:27

will. Kim is the founder of frame of mind coaching and the

Janice Porter: 00:00:32

co founder of the journal that talks back. She has been a

Janice Porter: 00:00:36

pioneer in her field of leadership coaching and thought

Janice Porter: 00:00:39

mastery for, I think, over 20 years now. But I don't want to

Janice Porter: 00:00:42

say anymore. I want you to tell me, Kim, I want you to tell my

Janice Porter: 00:00:45

audience. So what is? Because I know over time, people change

Janice Porter: 00:00:50

their their focus, or they may change their audience, or what,

Janice Porter: 00:00:55

what is of interest in, in and the going thing? Let's say so,

Janice Porter: 00:01:01

what is it that you're doing right now and who are you

Janice Porter: 00:01:03

serving right now? That's exciting you the most. Okay,

Kim Ades: 00:01:06

well, first of all, thank you for having me on your

Kim Ades: 00:01:08

podcast. I'm delighted to be here now. Who are we serving? We

Kim Ades: 00:01:13

have historically served the, what we call the highly driven

Kim Ades: 00:01:17

population, and typically they are leaders, executives,

Kim Ades: 00:01:22

entrepreneurs, and for us, in any industry, in any place in

Kim Ades: 00:01:26

the world, really, we coach them all. But it's that type, a

Kim Ades: 00:01:29

personality, the person who has a lot going on, the person who's

Kim Ades: 00:01:34

the high achiever, the person who always feels like there's

Kim Ades: 00:01:37

more that they want to achieve, that's our client. But recently,

Kim Ades: 00:01:43

or instead of the word but, I'll say and recently. I mean, again,

Kim Ades: 00:01:47

we've we've always coached and trained individuals to learn our

Kim Ades: 00:01:53

coaching methodology. But recently, we're taking that to a

Kim Ades: 00:01:57

whole other level. We are now teaching coaches in the world

Kim Ades: 00:02:02

how to use our approach, our as you say, secret sauce in their

Kim Ades: 00:02:08

coaching as well. So that's what we're up to. So

Janice Porter: 00:02:12

that's now more specifically coaching coaches,

Janice Porter: 00:02:17

right?

Kim Ades: 00:02:17

So in addition to coaching leaders, executives and

Kim Ades: 00:02:20

entrepreneurs, we've always coached leaders and taught them

Kim Ades: 00:02:23

how to coach, but now we're teaching coaches how to use our

Kim Ades: 00:02:28

very unique approach to coaching so that they can deliver

Kim Ades: 00:02:34

transformational, phenomenal, off the charts coaching. Yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:02:40

you, I think one of the taglines on your website

Janice Porter: 00:02:42

was shift your thinking towards a more fulfilling life. But it's

Janice Porter: 00:02:46

also shifting and using these tools. And am I right to say

Janice Porter: 00:02:50

that it's that it's based on your journal, your

Kim Ades: 00:02:53

job? That's right, that's right. So one of the

Kim Ades: 00:02:55

things about that, yeah, so when we so like, let's characterize

Kim Ades: 00:03:00

the people we coach for a minute, they have a few things

Kim Ades: 00:03:03

in common, right? So number one is they're very isolated. They

Kim Ades: 00:03:07

have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and they carry

Kim Ades: 00:03:10

that heavily. But what that also means is they don't trust

Kim Ades: 00:03:14

everybody with their most intimate, personal challenges or

Kim Ades: 00:03:18

struggles. So they live very in a very isolated way. They may be

Kim Ades: 00:03:23

around a lot of people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that

Kim Ades: 00:03:26

they that they trust everybody with what's truly, deeply

Kim Ades: 00:03:32

important to them.

Janice Porter: 00:03:34

Can you stop there for a second, because I

Janice Porter: 00:03:36

just clarified the isolated. Are they isolated because they're

Janice Porter: 00:03:40

smarter than everybody else, and they think differently to

Janice Porter: 00:03:43

everybody else, and are they because they're in the position

Janice Porter: 00:03:50

that they're in there? Okay, so, so

Kim Ades: 00:03:52

sometimes it's positional, yeah, positionally

Kim Ades: 00:03:55

related, right? But what it boils down to is they have a lot

Kim Ades: 00:04:00

of responsibility, and yes, they delegate, but they feel that at

Kim Ades: 00:04:04

the end of the day, the buck stops here, and there's not a

Kim Ades: 00:04:07

lot of people that they can lean on truly to to pick up some of

Kim Ades: 00:04:12

that burden. And so whatever it is, they spend a lot of time

Kim Ades: 00:04:17

thinking they don't necessarily share what's happening inside of

Kim Ades: 00:04:22

them, or

Janice Porter: 00:04:23

their fears that would show their vulnerability.

Janice Porter: 00:04:26

Yeah, exactly,

Kim Ades: 00:04:27

exactly. So, so they're not isolated physically,

Kim Ades: 00:04:31

but they're isolated maybe intellectually and very often

Kim Ades: 00:04:35

emotionally. Yes. So that's thing number one. Thing number

Kim Ades: 00:04:38

two is they are people who have friction with others, and let me

Kim Ades: 00:04:43

qualify that, they have two kinds of friction. Sometimes

Kim Ades: 00:04:46

it's obvious external friction, like, you know, they get into

Kim Ades: 00:04:49

battle with others. Maybe they're raising their voices,

Kim Ades: 00:04:52

they're very obviously in a state of conflict, right? So

Kim Ades: 00:04:58

that happens, but more. Often than not, they have friction

Kim Ades: 00:05:01

that is silent. So other people aren't moving fast enough,

Kim Ades: 00:05:05

working fast enough. They're not on the same page. They don't

Kim Ades: 00:05:07

have the same sense of urgency. They don't get it. And so they

Kim Ades: 00:05:11

they often just hold that in because they have other things

Kim Ades: 00:05:15

that are perhaps more important, but they see that other people

Kim Ades: 00:05:18

around them are not rowing in the same direction, and don't

Kim Ades: 00:05:22

even understand sometimes the direction they're heading in.

Kim Ades: 00:05:24

And so that causes a lot of internal strife and and so

Kim Ades: 00:05:29

again, they're ill at ease with that friction, and that could be

Kim Ades: 00:05:34

professional and or personal as well, right? So you we just see,

Kim Ades: 00:05:38

like, it's very, very clear that there's this thing going on

Kim Ades: 00:05:43

outside of them with others. The third thing that we see is that,

Kim Ades: 00:05:48

again, they're highly driven individuals who have a lot to

Kim Ades: 00:05:51

achieve, and they're not satisfied. So they have this

Kim Ades: 00:05:54

sense of Chronic dissatisfaction with where they're at, and so

Kim Ades: 00:05:57

they feel like we should be further, we should move faster.

Kim Ades: 00:06:00

What's going on, what's wrong, what's taking so long, what's

Kim Ades: 00:06:03

wrong with them, what's wrong with me. Maybe now they have a

Kim Ades: 00:06:06

little bit of self doubt. You know, maybe I'm not cut out for

Kim Ades: 00:06:08

this. Maybe I'm not the right leader. Maybe somebody else

Kim Ades: 00:06:11

should fill in. Maybe, you know, I don't have the right team.

Kim Ades: 00:06:15

Maybe I'm not giving the right orders, whatever it is, right

Kim Ades: 00:06:18

like they just, they're all over the place. And then last, but

Kim Ades: 00:06:20

not least, it's a term that I invented. They have something

Kim Ades: 00:06:24

called slippage. What is slippage? Slippage is when they

Kim Ades: 00:06:28

let important things slip through the cracks, things like

Kim Ades: 00:06:31

their health, their sleep, their nutrition, their overall well

Kim Ades: 00:06:35

being, their friendships, their fun. They're just, you know,

Kim Ades: 00:06:38

they're not taking care of their lives, and they're letting

Kim Ades: 00:06:40

really critical things slip through the cracks. So that's

Kim Ades: 00:06:44

the character that we coach, right? Like, that's that's the

Kim Ades: 00:06:47

nature of who we coach. And so one of the defining items of

Kim Ades: 00:06:52

these people is that they need to move fast. They like speed,

Kim Ades: 00:06:56

yeah, so when they're working with a coach, they don't want it

Kim Ades: 00:06:59

to take a year to get to where they want to go. They want it to

Kim Ades: 00:07:02

happen faster. So what we've done is we've created a very

Kim Ades: 00:07:05

intensive, immersive, very high touch coaching experience that

Kim Ades: 00:07:13

takes them far in a short period of time. So we assign them to a

Kim Ades: 00:07:17

coach. I've got a team of coaches and and they start

Kim Ades: 00:07:21

working with their coach. There's a call every week with

Kim Ades: 00:07:23

their coach, and we record every call so that they could listen

Kim Ades: 00:07:26

to the recordings and hear themselves speak. They can hear

Kim Ades: 00:07:29

what they're saying, how they're saying it. They can start to

Kim Ades: 00:07:32

become observers of themselves. And so this, the insight they

Kim Ades: 00:07:37

gather from that process is really, Stark. But then in

Kim Ades: 00:07:41

between every single call, we also ask them to journal in a

Kim Ades: 00:07:45

private and secure online journal with their coach every

Kim Ades: 00:07:49

day. So what happens is, at the beginning of the week, they

Kim Ades: 00:07:52

receive a journaling question or a journaling prompt and they

Kim Ades: 00:07:55

journal. And then each time they journal, their coach reads and

Kim Ades: 00:07:58

responds to the journal and wow. And what happens is that the

Kim Ades: 00:08:02

coach really, really gets to know their clients, and they're

Kim Ades: 00:08:05

able to start picking up patterns, patterns of behavior,

Kim Ades: 00:08:09

beliefs, perspectives, you know, behaviors, all of that. And so

Kim Ades: 00:08:14

with that information, the coach is equipped to take them far

Kim Ades: 00:08:19

quickly.

Janice Porter: 00:08:20

Wow, yeah, that's very intense and and, do you

Janice Porter: 00:08:24

find that that the, okay, the people that come to you, are

Janice Porter: 00:08:31

they writers or journalists, journal writers, to begin with,

Janice Porter: 00:08:34

or are they learning this as they go?

Kim Ades: 00:08:37

Yeah. I mean, we are all nowadays. We're all texters

Kim Ades: 00:08:40

and emailers, we're all used to writing, right? So what it is,

Kim Ades: 00:08:44

is you're writing with someone else. That's it. So don't think

Kim Ades: 00:08:47

of it as you know anybody who needs to have a writing degree

Kim Ades: 00:08:51

or a journalism degree or you know that's not what we're

Kim Ades: 00:08:55

after. We're after a person who's able to write down their

Kim Ades: 00:08:58

thoughts and experiences. That's it. So just curious

Janice Porter: 00:09:01

with the the journaling back and forth with

Janice Porter: 00:09:04

the coach. Are those prompts or questions that the coach puts

Janice Porter: 00:09:09

out there? Are they individual based on what they've learned

Janice Porter: 00:09:14

initially from that

Kim Ades: 00:09:15

question? Yeah, so I love that question. Thank you.

Kim Ades: 00:09:18

So we have a journey that we take our clients on so we're

Kim Ades: 00:09:21

asking a specific set of questions designed to extract

Kim Ades: 00:09:26

specific data, but the data you will supply me is different from

Kim Ades: 00:09:30

the data anybody else will supply me. So now what happens

Kim Ades: 00:09:34

is, you know, you give me what I need, and now we're on an

Kim Ades: 00:09:38

individual journey, right? So there's, you know, yes, the

Kim Ades: 00:09:41

questions once a week are similar from person to person,

Kim Ades: 00:09:45

but in between, when you're journaling, now I'm asking you

Kim Ades: 00:09:48

questions about your specific situation, your specific life.

Kim Ades: 00:09:52

So there's nothing standardized about this. It's all a very

Kim Ades: 00:09:56

unique experience for every person that goes through it,

Kim Ades: 00:09:59

right? Wow,

Janice Porter: 00:10:00

that's great. And do you match people as best?

Janice Porter: 00:10:05

Yes, okay,

Kim Ades: 00:10:06

yes, exactly. So I have an intake call with them,

Kim Ades: 00:10:09

and I learn about them, what's going on, what are they like? I

Kim Ades: 00:10:12

get a very strong sense for people very quickly. And then I

Kim Ades: 00:10:16

think about who would be the best coach for them based on

Kim Ades: 00:10:19

their experience, their personality, the way they

Kim Ades: 00:10:23

respond to things, all of that

Janice Porter: 00:10:27

that's pretty again, that's that's a great

Janice Porter: 00:10:29

responsibility that you take on, because especially if, and I

Janice Porter: 00:10:34

know, you coach executives, senior leaders and

Janice Porter: 00:10:36

entrepreneurs, just right and so it's not so much the the status

Janice Porter: 00:10:43

of their position, it's the people are people, but in some

Janice Porter: 00:10:47

cases, if they're they're probably playing paying big

Janice Porter: 00:10:50

money to do this with you, and it's a big responsibility, so

Janice Porter: 00:10:55

you have to get a quick win for them, I would imagine. So making

Janice Porter: 00:10:59

that right fit is important right making

Kim Ades: 00:11:02

the right fit is very important for them, but it's not

Kim Ades: 00:11:05

hard to do, and there are many reasons why it's not hard.

Kim Ades: 00:11:09

Number one is our coaches are phenomenal. Every single one of

Kim Ades: 00:11:12

them, they're extremely well trained. They're seasoned. And

Kim Ades: 00:11:15

so if I put you in any one of them, their hands, capable

Kim Ades: 00:11:19

hands, you're in good hands, but now I can also do a good job of

Kim Ades: 00:11:23

matching, and I've been doing this for 20 years, so it's very

Kim Ades: 00:11:27

instinctive at this point, like I can just, I can just know

Kim Ades: 00:11:30

very, very easily who the right fit would be for each person

Kim Ades: 00:11:34

that I encounter. And 20 years, like, I've been wrong maybe

Kim Ades: 00:11:37

three or four times, and we've coached hundreds and hundreds of

Kim Ades: 00:11:41

people. So

Janice Porter: 00:11:42

based on you talked about the struggles that

Janice Porter: 00:11:44

that your your clients have, your typical client has, how do

Janice Porter: 00:11:52

you how do you see like, what are the the, let's say, three

Janice Porter: 00:11:58

key thinking strategies that exceptional leaders have or have

Janice Porter: 00:12:03

to work towards.

Kim Ades: 00:12:05

Yeah, that's great. So So number one is that they focus

Kim Ades: 00:12:09

on what they want. And so a lot of times when there's a problem,

Kim Ades: 00:12:15

what do leaders do? They focus on what's wrong. They focus on

Kim Ades: 00:12:20

the problem. They focus on why we have a problem. They focus on

Kim Ades: 00:12:24

all the things that are going wrong. And what we see is

Kim Ades: 00:12:28

exceptional leaders really focus on what they want and solutions

Kim Ades: 00:12:33

to problems. So that's thing, number one. Thing number two is

Kim Ades: 00:12:37

that you're going to think that this is very obvious, but it's

Kim Ades: 00:12:41

not but exceptional leaders are resourceful in a way that other

Kim Ades: 00:12:46

people are not. And what I really mean by that is they have

Kim Ades: 00:12:50

a way of thinking about resources that is different. In

Kim Ades: 00:12:53

their minds, any resource is accessible to them. They never

Kim Ades: 00:12:58

say it costs too much we can't afford that. They never think in

Kim Ades: 00:13:01

those terms. They think, what do we need? I'm going to go get it

Kim Ades: 00:13:05

and it's out there. So they think there's, there's never a

Kim Ades: 00:13:08

shortage of money, talent, time. There's no shortage. Everything

Kim Ades: 00:13:13

is there and everything is at their disposal. And whereas

Kim Ades: 00:13:16

other people who struggle, leaders, who aren't at that top,

Kim Ades: 00:13:20

top end of the game, they they think in terms of shortage and

Kim Ades: 00:13:24

scarcity. And then the last thing that we see is that these

Kim Ades: 00:13:29

extraordinary leaders are always always challenging their

Kim Ades: 00:13:32

beliefs. They're always asking themselves. K so I feel like

Kim Ades: 00:13:37

we're challenged in this department, what are the beliefs

Kim Ades: 00:13:41

that we have that are causing us to feel this challenge? And

Kim Ades: 00:13:44

perhaps those beliefs need to be turned around or turned upside

Kim Ades: 00:13:48

down. So they're the think about their thinking, and they

Kim Ades: 00:13:51

question whether or not they are thinking in a way that helps

Kim Ades: 00:13:55

them achieve their goals with ease. So they're constantly, you

Kim Ades: 00:13:59

know, I wouldn't say having an internal battle, but they're

Kim Ades: 00:14:02

questioning is that the right way of thinking about what we're

Kim Ades: 00:14:05

trying to achieve.

Janice Porter: 00:14:07

So I think that probably what 98% of the people

Janice Porter: 00:14:12

out there have limited beliefs, and so it's those exceptional

Janice Porter: 00:14:16

leaders that don't see the world that way. And it is. It's a hard

Janice Porter: 00:14:22

thing to it can be a hard thing to to change to, or it can be

Janice Porter: 00:14:27

easy. It's, I don't know, like, I mean, it's, I know that I

Janice Porter: 00:14:30

limit myself a lot more than I need to. But I also, and I also

Janice Porter: 00:14:34

think that it's, um, it's pro Oh, what was I just gonna say,

Janice Porter: 00:14:41

it's probably about. See, it's all tied in with seeing the

Janice Porter: 00:14:49

world as there isn't competition. There's enough out

Janice Porter: 00:14:52

there for all of us. Just let's go and get what we need.

Kim Ades: 00:14:55

Yeah, absolutely. And to be honest, like when, when we

Kim Ades: 00:14:58

think about the competitive. It a field. They say, Okay, you

Kim Ades: 00:15:01

play in that ballpark. I'm going to go create a new ballpark.

Kim Ades: 00:15:04

Yeah, right. So, so competition is fodder for creativity in

Kim Ades: 00:15:09

many, many ways.

Janice Porter: 00:15:12

Fantastic. Would you do you ever come across

Janice Porter: 00:15:15

clients that are non coachable? Of

Kim Ades: 00:15:18

course, yeah, my mother in laws. One of them,

Kim Ades: 00:15:21

okay, got it? No. I mean, of course. I mean, just some people

Kim Ades: 00:15:26

have wrapped their arms around their way of life, their way of

Kim Ades: 00:15:31

looking at things, and and, and they do it because it's they

Kim Ades: 00:15:35

feel safer doing that and so, and that's fine, but those

Kim Ades: 00:15:38

people don't really come to me for coaching, right? Like

Kim Ades: 00:15:40

they're not lining up outside my door, and they know my style,

Kim Ades: 00:15:44

they know my approach. You know they come to me because they're

Kim Ades: 00:15:48

ready to look at the world differently. They're ready for

Kim Ades: 00:15:50

change, and they're tired of the status quo, and that's why

Kim Ades: 00:15:54

people reach out to me in particular. That's

Janice Porter: 00:15:59

must be really rewarding to see the change in

Janice Porter: 00:16:04

your clients that they want it badly, and then they work with

Janice Porter: 00:16:07

your your coaches, and they see that change. Do you have a story

Janice Porter: 00:16:10

that you can share of that transness?

Kim Ades: 00:16:12

I have so many stories, but I'll tell you one

Kim Ades: 00:16:14

of my favorites. Um, years ago, I was working with a client, and

Kim Ades: 00:16:19

he said, I have a referral for you. I want you to coach a very

Kim Ades: 00:16:23

good friend of mine, but it's very important that you treat

Kim Ades: 00:16:28

him with kid gloves. And I was a bit surprised, because I'm not,

Kim Ades: 00:16:31

I don't have kid gloves when I coach. I'm very direct. And I

Kim Ades: 00:16:34

said, Well, why? Why would you say that? Why would you position

Kim Ades: 00:16:37

it that way? And he said, Well, he's in his early 30s, and he

Kim Ades: 00:16:41

has stage four cancer. Oh, wow. So I got on the phone with this,

Kim Ades: 00:16:46

this young man, and I said, Okay, I have two questions for

Kim Ades: 00:16:49

you. Question number one is, how long do you have left to live?

Kim Ades: 00:16:53

And it's a hard question to ask. Like, I felt like I had to,

Kim Ades: 00:16:57

like, muster up courage to do that, right, especially if you

Kim Ades: 00:16:59

don't know him, especially if you don't know him. But he he

Kim Ades: 00:17:02

responded, and I think that question, in and of itself, like

Kim Ades: 00:17:07

having the courage to ask him, created a connection. Where he

Kim Ades: 00:17:11

said, who else is going to ask me that a question, right? Like

Kim Ades: 00:17:14

that. But he said, I'm not sure. I'm guessing I have about a two

Kim Ades: 00:17:18

year window. I believe that I've already lived longer than I was

Kim Ades: 00:17:22

meant to live. I'm on all these experimental drugs, and so far,

Kim Ades: 00:17:26

they've worked, but I don't think they're going to work that

Kim Ades: 00:17:28

much longer. And so I said, Okay, well, what is it that you

Kim Ades: 00:17:33

want to achieve as a result of coaching? He said, Well, what I

Kim Ades: 00:17:37

really want from you is I want you to help me increase my

Kim Ades: 00:17:41

productivity. And I thought, gee, if I only had two years

Kim Ades: 00:17:46

left to live, would I be worried about my productivity? Probably

Kim Ades: 00:17:51

not. And so I said, Well, why is that important to you? He said,

Kim Ades: 00:17:54

well, because I am an only child of a single mom, and I want to

Kim Ades: 00:18:01

grow my business and sell it so that I have enough money to

Kim Ades: 00:18:04

leave behind so she's in a good place. I said, Great. I said,

Kim Ades: 00:18:08

let me ask you another question. What do you really? Really want

Kim Ades: 00:18:12

more than anything? He said, Well, what I want is more time,

Kim Ades: 00:18:15

and I want to travel, and I want to take my mom on a great

Kim Ades: 00:18:18

vacation, and I want to have a wonderful relationship, and I

Kim Ades: 00:18:22

want to buy a house, and I want to run a marathon, and I do want

Kim Ades: 00:18:25

to sell my company, and I want to make sure my mom's in a good

Kim Ades: 00:18:28

financial place. I said, Well, why don't we do that instead?

Kim Ades: 00:18:32

And we started to work together, and what I discovered was type A

Kim Ades: 00:18:36

personality. He owned a financial services valuation

Kim Ades: 00:18:41

company, and he was the guy who brought every single sale in the

Kim Ades: 00:18:45

door. He was the guy who looked over every single paper that

Kim Ades: 00:18:49

went out the door and make made sure every I was dotted and T

Kim Ades: 00:18:52

was crossed. And I saw he was working really hard. And I said

Kim Ades: 00:18:56

to him, You know what, we need to talk about hiring people. And

Kim Ades: 00:18:59

he said, I can't hire people. I can't afford to hire people. But

Kim Ades: 00:19:03

in my mind, I thought, your life is at stake. You can't afford

Kim Ades: 00:19:06

not to hire people like you can't keep going like this. I

Kim Ades: 00:19:10

thought to myself, my job is to help him lower his stress. I

Janice Porter: 00:19:13

was just gonna say stress must be much higher

Janice Porter: 00:19:16

while he's working. Yeah, exactly,

Kim Ades: 00:19:18

so that he could have a fighting chance with those

Kim Ades: 00:19:20

experimental drugs, so we work together. He ended up hiring

Kim Ades: 00:19:24

quite a few people, right? We helped him see how that was

Kim Ades: 00:19:27

possible. But now it's eight years later.

Janice Porter: 00:19:30

Oh my goodness. Eight years later, he

Kim Ades: 00:19:32

still has stage four cancer, and he's still fighting

Kim Ades: 00:19:35

the fight. But he took his mom on two great vacations. He got

Kim Ades: 00:19:40

married, he sold half of his company and then bought it back.

Kim Ades: 00:19:44

He bought a house. He ran a marathon. In fact, he climbed

Kim Ades: 00:19:48

Mount Kilimanjaro, and he just had a baby,

Janice Porter: 00:19:52

Mazel, tov. Oh, my god, yeah. Oh, that is a

Janice Porter: 00:19:57

beautiful story.

Kim Ades: 00:19:59

It's a beautiful. Sorry, but what we needed to do

Kim Ades: 00:20:01

was help him think a little bit differently about his business

Kim Ades: 00:20:05

and what was possible, because at the rate he was going right,

Kim Ades: 00:20:10

he was holding the whole entire company on his shoulders by

Kim Ades: 00:20:13

himself.

Janice Porter: 00:20:14

Yeah, it was about thinking differently about

Janice Porter: 00:20:16

his company and his priorities.

Kim Ades: 00:20:18

That's right, yeah, that's right. His

Janice Porter: 00:20:21

life is so short. I went to so short. I was at a

Janice Porter: 00:20:24

celebration of life yesterday, and it was for someone who, you

Janice Porter: 00:20:29

know, had lived a good life. It was actually his 80th birthday

Janice Porter: 00:20:31

yesterday would have been and he had been struggling with

Janice Porter: 00:20:38

Parkinson's for several, several years, and it finally got the

Janice Porter: 00:20:42

best of him. But when they did the, you know, the video and and

Janice Porter: 00:20:48

the speakers talking about his his life, I mean, he'd had a

Janice Porter: 00:20:53

wonderful life, you had to celebrate it. There was that was

Janice Porter: 00:20:56

all you could do. He retired at 47 because he sold, he and his

Janice Porter: 00:21:01

partners had a company Ticketmaster in Canada, and they

Janice Porter: 00:21:05

sold, wow, yeah. So he didn't have to work anymore, and so he

Janice Porter: 00:21:09

and his family had a wonderful life. But you know, priorities

Janice Porter: 00:21:14

when you're sick are completely different, and so you have to

Janice Porter: 00:21:17

see things differently.

Kim Ades: 00:21:18

That's right, you have to see things differently. Yeah,

Kim Ades: 00:21:21

thank

Janice Porter: 00:21:21

you. That's a great, a great story to share.

Janice Porter: 00:21:24

So let's sidetrack for a minute before we end this conversation.

Janice Porter: 00:21:27

Because I love talking to interesting people, and I and I

Janice Porter: 00:21:30

think because you, what you do, matters so much in in that it's

Janice Porter: 00:21:36

not the volume so much. It's the lives that that you know, it's

Janice Porter: 00:21:40

the individual life changing things that can happen, and were

Janice Porter: 00:21:47

you, were you? Has your career always been coaching, or did you

Janice Porter: 00:21:51

have a previous

Kim Ades: 00:21:53

No, I've only been coaching for the past 20 years.

Kim Ades: 00:21:56

Before that, I used to own a software company, and actually

Kim Ades: 00:22:00

it was a simulation based assessment company, so we were

Kim Ades: 00:22:03

building assessments, or simulation based assessments,

Kim Ades: 00:22:07

before the technology was really ready for us. Yeah, right. So we

Kim Ades: 00:22:11

were on the leading edge of that technology, but that really

Kim Ades: 00:22:15

informed a lot of what we do now. And because what we did was

Kim Ades: 00:22:20

we're trying to figure out who is the top performer. What

Kim Ades: 00:22:23

differentiates top performer from top performers from other

Kim Ades: 00:22:27

people. What is it? Is it their personality? Is it their IQ? Is

Kim Ades: 00:22:31

it their experience, their education? What is it and and

Kim Ades: 00:22:34

what we discovered really led us well, led me to starting the

Kim Ades: 00:22:39

company that I run now, what we discovered is that top

Kim Ades: 00:22:43

performers, no matter what the industry, no matter what the the

Kim Ades: 00:22:47

level in an organization, have one very strong thing in common.

Kim Ades: 00:22:52

They have a very high level of emotional resilience. And what

Kim Ades: 00:22:55

that means is, when they experience failure, when they

Kim Ades: 00:22:58

have a blow, they don't stay down very long. They don't take

Kim Ades: 00:23:02

it personally as much as most. They don't take the right and

Kim Ades: 00:23:05

what they do is they get up quickly, but they also find a

Kim Ades: 00:23:08

way to leverage that adversity, to turn it into an advantage

Kim Ades: 00:23:12

somehow. And so that piece of information is really critical.

Kim Ades: 00:23:16

When you think about how we coach, what we do is we help

Kim Ades: 00:23:19

people look at their moments of adversity, their challenges, and

Kim Ades: 00:23:24

we help them reconfigure how they feel and how they reacted

Kim Ades: 00:23:29

and responded to that experience or event. And we strengthen

Kim Ades: 00:23:35

people. We build up their mind muscle so that when they do

Kim Ades: 00:23:39

experience adversity in the future, they get up faster.

Janice Porter: 00:23:43

It reminds me of Napoleon Hill's book Think and

Janice Porter: 00:23:45

Grow Rich. I mean, yeah, examples that he used in there,

Janice Porter: 00:23:49

which, of course, was written in 19, what, 37 and it's still like

Janice Porter: 00:23:53

brilliant today. So what I'm thinking from what you just

Janice Porter: 00:23:58

said, is that you went from left brain business, like the tech

Janice Porter: 00:24:06

side of things, to the right brain, in a way, because it's

Janice Porter: 00:24:10

more about the people. It's more about, yeah, right. So

Kim Ades: 00:24:13

for me, though, it was always about the people,

Kim Ades: 00:24:15

because, you know, when I was running the software business, I

Kim Ades: 00:24:18

wasn't the software developer, right? We had a team of people

Kim Ades: 00:24:21

that did that was my conception. Yeah, it was my conception. I

Kim Ades: 00:24:26

had this idea that that we could build simulations and that it

Kim Ades: 00:24:30

could help people, and I so I was like, I had this idea, but I

Kim Ades: 00:24:33

certainly didn't execute by myself. That is for sure,

Janice Porter: 00:24:36

fair enough, the leader's mind. There you go.

Janice Porter: 00:24:40

That's, that's awesome. Are you coached today?

Kim Ades: 00:24:44

Am I coached? I have hired so many different coaches

Kim Ades: 00:24:47

right now I'm working with someone, and we have interesting

Kim Ades: 00:24:51

relationship, where I coach her and she coaches me, but I'm

Kim Ades: 00:24:54

always, always looking for an amazing coach. I'm always in the

Kim Ades: 00:24:57

market for an amazing coach. And. Um, and so I believe great

Kim Ades: 00:25:02

coaches need great coaches. Yes, that's fair.

Janice Porter: 00:25:06

Um, okay, so just a couple of a sideline things.

Janice Porter: 00:25:10

So how do you today? Because there's so many options, how do

Janice Porter: 00:25:15

you today, ingest your information or learning? Is it

Janice Porter: 00:25:20

is it podcasts? Is it reading traditional books? Is it ebooks?

Janice Porter: 00:25:25

Is it videos?

Kim Ades: 00:25:27

Is how do you I definitely, I read a lot of

Kim Ades: 00:25:30

books. I read a lot of journals. Spend a lot of time reading

Kim Ades: 00:25:34

journals, yes, so I'm reading it interestingly, right? So I'm

Kim Ades: 00:25:39

reading The life stories of of my clients, who are all

Kim Ades: 00:25:43

extremely successful, highly driven individuals. So I

Kim Ades: 00:25:48

weirdly, I get I learn a lot by hearing what they're doing, what

Kim Ades: 00:25:52

they're up to, what their challenges are, but what's going

Kim Ades: 00:25:55

on in their businesses. I learn a lot directly from them. You

Janice Porter: 00:26:00

mean their journals? That yes, their

Janice Porter: 00:26:02

journals, yeah,

Kim Ades: 00:26:04

I read a lot of articles in, you know, online

Kim Ades: 00:26:09

magazines, newspapers, that kind of thing. I watch videos, of

Kim Ades: 00:26:13

course. I listen to sometimes podcasts. But I find I don't

Kim Ades: 00:26:20

have all the time that I want to do that,

Janice Porter: 00:26:22

right? So if you were reading, would you be

Janice Porter: 00:26:25

reading biographies? Then,

Kim Ades: 00:26:28

no, sometimes I read like I read, obviously, I read

Kim Ades: 00:26:32

personal development books, I read that kind of stuff. But

Kim Ades: 00:26:35

sometimes you just need to chill out, right? Always on go, and

Kim Ades: 00:26:39

sometimes you just need a little bit of downtime to watch things

Kim Ades: 00:26:43

like American Idol. I got it. You just need you just brain

Kim Ades: 00:26:47

needs a break. And so I make sure that I sometimes get some

Kim Ades: 00:26:52

break

Janice Porter: 00:26:52

time. It's so funny. We were watching

Janice Porter: 00:26:54

something last night, actually, just, you know, we've been to

Janice Porter: 00:26:58

this service yesterday and everything. And I find it when I

Janice Porter: 00:27:02

sit down after dinner to watch something other than CNN or

Janice Porter: 00:27:06

whatever I'm watching that way, because it's that's always a

Janice Porter: 00:27:09

story these days in in the States in particular, but I fall

Janice Porter: 00:27:16

asleep, I doze off because I'm sitting doing nothing, and

Janice Porter: 00:27:20

that's very hard for me to do, and my brain goes off, and then

Janice Porter: 00:27:23

I fall asleep, and Vern says, I'll say, oh, did you enjoy that

Janice Porter: 00:27:27

show? It just happened. And then

Kim Ades: 00:27:30

I'm off, you know? And then you're up, and then you

Kim Ades: 00:27:32

can't sleep at night, right? No, not too early anyway. Yeah, I

Kim Ades: 00:27:35

get it. Now, my husband is an avid fan of jeopardy, so I see

Kim Ades: 00:27:41

we watch it every night. Yeah, we watch it together. And I'm

Kim Ades: 00:27:45

not getting better at answering the questions, but it's

Kim Ades: 00:27:47

definitely not my strength. You know, everybody has a different

Kim Ades: 00:27:51

kind of intelligence. Yeah, I am better with intuitively

Kim Ades: 00:27:54

understanding people, and He's way better at jeopardy. Well,

Janice Porter: 00:27:58

I find I'm quite intuitive usually with people

Janice Porter: 00:28:02

and but I love Jeopardy. I've always been that trivia person.

Janice Porter: 00:28:06

It's crazy, and sometimes I wonder how all that stuff is

Janice Porter: 00:28:10

still in there, and other times I think I can't get it out fast

Janice Porter: 00:28:13

enough I get it. Yes, yeah. Interesting. Thank you for

Janice Porter: 00:28:17

sharing that. And lastly, I am well, almost Lastly, I like to

Janice Porter: 00:28:24

ask my guests about curiosity. It's my favorite word and two

Janice Porter: 00:28:29

part question. One, do you think curiosity is innate or learned?

Janice Porter: 00:28:34

And second, what are you most curious about these days, which

Janice Porter: 00:28:37

you may have answered already, but feel free,

Kim Ades: 00:28:41

do I think curiosity is innate or learned? I do. I

Kim Ades: 00:28:44

think that it's learned,

Janice Porter: 00:28:47

okay, okay. I

Kim Ades: 00:28:48

think that it's learned. And the reason I think

Kim Ades: 00:28:51

that it's learned is because I can see the people that I've

Kim Ades: 00:28:56

worked with, the people around me, my own children, I have five

Kim Ades: 00:28:58

of them. Yes, that's another topic, and that we, we have

Kim Ades: 00:29:03

taught like, I am remarried, okay, I'm remarried. So I came

Kim Ades: 00:29:08

into my marriage with two children, and my husband came in

Kim Ades: 00:29:10

with three, okay, and my kids are have always been extremely

Kim Ades: 00:29:15

curious, because they have two parents who are extremely

Kim Ades: 00:29:18

curious. But But what I saw, I have seen, is that my husband's

Kim Ades: 00:29:24

children have learned to be curious interesting, right? They

Kim Ades: 00:29:30

have learned to be interesting and ask a lot of questions

Kim Ades: 00:29:33

exactly. I don't think curiosity is something that we're just

Kim Ades: 00:29:38

like. I think it's something we're taught, okay, that's good.

Kim Ades: 00:29:43

I think it's something that we're influenced. You know, the

Kim Ades: 00:29:46

people around us influence us to be curious.

Janice Porter: 00:29:50

Okay? I mean, there's more conversation there,

Janice Porter: 00:29:52

but I just like people to give me their answers, yeah, right or

Janice Porter: 00:29:55

wrong. It's just somebody's,

Kim Ades: 00:29:56

you know, super interesting question. Now I'm

Kim Ades: 00:29:58

gonna have to go think about it. Yeah and see if I actually

Kim Ades: 00:30:01

answered correctly. But that's my best. Yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:30:04

there's no right or wrong. I mean, it's just that

Janice Porter: 00:30:08

whole thing started for me when I was just starting my podcast.

Janice Porter: 00:30:13

And I had and I started it partly because I read this book

Janice Porter: 00:30:17

called a curious mind by Brian Grazer. Do you know who Brian

Janice Porter: 00:30:21

Grazer is? I don't Brian Grazer, Ron Howard. Do you know who Ron

Janice Porter: 00:30:25

Howard is? Yeah. So they're the partners in imagine

Janice Porter: 00:30:28

entertainment. And Brian Grazer is more of a producer, but he's

Janice Porter: 00:30:32

also a director as well. And his his he started with splash. Do

Janice Porter: 00:30:37

you remember that movie? Yeah, yeah. With Tom Hanks first big

Janice Porter: 00:30:40

hit, and then he did Friday Night Lights on TV, which I

Janice Porter: 00:30:44

loved. He's done a beautiful mind with Russell Crowe. He's

Janice Porter: 00:30:50

got, I mean, he's he and Ron Howard are partners, so there's

Janice Porter: 00:30:53

a million but he grew up being curious and asking questions and

Janice Porter: 00:31:00

going to interview people when he was a kid and and I just

Janice Porter: 00:31:05

found it fascinating, because that's what I do. I love to find

Janice Porter: 00:31:08

out about people. So that was my first take on that second part

Janice Porter: 00:31:12

of the question is, what are you most

Kim Ades: 00:31:14

I will say this though. I will say that I think

Kim Ades: 00:31:16

that great coaches are extremely curious, and they ask questions

Kim Ades: 00:31:21

that seem to be off limits and seem to be outside of the range

Kim Ades: 00:31:28

of the conversation. They go to places with their questions that

Kim Ades: 00:31:32

are unexpected interesting and open doors that have never been

Kim Ades: 00:31:36

opened before.

Janice Porter: 00:31:38

I love that, because even in my podcast

Janice Porter: 00:31:41

experience, sometimes I'll ask a question and people will say,

Janice Porter: 00:31:45

Oh, that's I've never been asked that before, or that's really

Janice Porter: 00:31:49

interesting, and it's just whatever's come from inside me.

Janice Porter: 00:31:53

So that's where I think the intuition is part of it as well.

Janice Porter: 00:31:56

But being brave enough to ask certainly sometimes those

Janice Porter: 00:32:00

questions is, yeah, okay, good point. So what are you most

Janice Porter: 00:32:03

curious about these days?

Kim Ades: 00:32:06

Right now, I'm on a quest to help coaches do a much

Kim Ades: 00:32:10

better job at coaching, and so I am learning about how to reach

Kim Ades: 00:32:17

coaches. I'm learning about marketing in a way that I've

Kim Ades: 00:32:20

never done before, and I'm curious about that. And I'm

Kim Ades: 00:32:24

curious about really, there are so many coaches out there who

Kim Ades: 00:32:28

are who are trying to grow their businesses and struggling, and

Kim Ades: 00:32:33

I'm curious about how to help them. I'm curious about how to

Kim Ades: 00:32:35

reach them. I'm curious about how to make a difference in the

Kim Ades: 00:32:39

coaching industry, and not only in the lives of my clients. So

Kim Ades: 00:32:44

that's what I'm curious about right now.

Janice Porter: 00:32:46

That's fantastic. I mean, there's so many pseudo

Janice Porter: 00:32:49

coaches out there too, right? So, I mean, they have, in your

Janice Porter: 00:32:52

opinion, is it first and foremost, they have to have some

Janice Porter: 00:32:55

formal coaching education.

Kim Ades: 00:32:58

I mean, there are many, many coaches who have

Kim Ades: 00:33:00

formal coaching education, and perhaps that equips them a

Kim Ades: 00:33:03

little bit. But I don't think that's the be all and end all of

Kim Ades: 00:33:07

a great coach. I think it's far, far more than that, far, far

Kim Ades: 00:33:12

more than that. And I, I will say that I do not think that

Kim Ades: 00:33:17

coaches have what they need in terms of they are not equipped,

Kim Ades: 00:33:21

necessarily, to deliver the kind of coaching that is

Kim Ades: 00:33:25

transformational and like life impacting. They don't. They

Kim Ades: 00:33:31

don't have what they need in order to make that kind of

Kim Ades: 00:33:34

impact.

Janice Porter: 00:33:34

So that begs another question, I can't help

Janice Porter: 00:33:36

but ask, which is, do you think age has anything to do with

Janice Porter: 00:33:42

being a good coach? No, okay, because I always feel that, you

Janice Porter: 00:33:46

know, if someone is older, they're usually wiser. They've

Janice Porter: 00:33:51

had more experience than the young person. But you

Kim Ades: 00:33:54

know, my 25 year old daughter could probably do a

Kim Ades: 00:33:57

much, much better job of coaching than most coaches who

Kim Ades: 00:34:04

are much older.

Janice Porter: 00:34:05

So what? Why do you say that just her

Janice Porter: 00:34:07

personality? Well,

Kim Ades: 00:34:09

she's very curious, so that's one thing. So going back

Kim Ades: 00:34:12

to the curiosity thing, and she has strong instincts about

Kim Ades: 00:34:16

people. And what I mean by that is that when you talk to

Kim Ades: 00:34:20

someone, you can very easily tell whether or not what they

Kim Ades: 00:34:25

are saying serves them or doesn't. And so she's capable of

Kim Ades: 00:34:32

pursuing the path, following the the lead, if you will. Right?

Kim Ades: 00:34:38

Yeah, the uncover what needs to be uncovered. But when I say

Kim Ades: 00:34:42

that coaches are not equipped, and what I'm really saying is

Kim Ades: 00:34:46

I'm not distinguishing one personality from another or one

Kim Ades: 00:34:49

age from another. What I'm saying is that they don't have a

Kim Ades: 00:34:53

process or a system or a methodology that enables them to

Kim Ades: 00:34:59

coach. Really powerfully and easily.

Janice Porter: 00:35:04

Okay, okay, so that's a good place to wrap

Janice Porter: 00:35:07

because I think that if anyone wants to find out more about

Janice Porter: 00:35:13

what your work is all about and how you help coaches, where are

Janice Porter: 00:35:16

they going to find you? Frame of Mind coaching.

Kim Ades: 00:35:19

Frame of Mind coaching.com best place to find

Kim Ades: 00:35:22

me. Reach out to me, Kim at frame of mind coaching com, and

Kim Ades: 00:35:26

on our website, actually, if you're at all curious about

Kim Ades: 00:35:29

journaling, if you want to journal by yourself, or if you

Kim Ades: 00:35:32

want to pick up some journaling prompts for your clients,

Kim Ades: 00:35:34

whatever it is, we have some really great journaling prompts

Kim Ades: 00:35:38

on our website. So Go, go find them. Fantastic.

Janice Porter: 00:35:41

Thank you, Kim, thank you for being here. I love

Janice Porter: 00:35:45

talking to great people, and it doesn't matter to me what what

Janice Porter: 00:35:48

industry they're in or whatever. I just people. It's just for me.

Janice Porter: 00:35:53

It's

Janice Porter: 00:35:53

about,

Janice Porter: 00:35:54

can I resonate? Can I be curious enough about what they do and

Janice Porter: 00:35:59

who they are? And I haven't even talked about having five kids.

Janice Porter: 00:36:02

So are they all grown up now?

Kim Ades: 00:36:04

They're all my youngest is 25 and she's just

Kim Ades: 00:36:08

smack in the middle of doing her PhD. That's right. I

Janice Porter: 00:36:10

think you had mentioned that when we spoke

Janice Porter: 00:36:12

before. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you to my

Janice Porter: 00:36:15

audience, as usual, for being here. If you like what you

Janice Porter: 00:36:18

heard, please reach out to Kim and find out more about what she

Janice Porter: 00:36:21

does, and leave a review if you like what you heard that's

Janice Porter: 00:36:25

always appreciated. Thank you, and remember to stay connected

Janice Porter: 00:36:29

and be remembered. You.