Collecting True Friends – Be A Magnet to Those Worthy of Your Time & Devotion - REPLAY - | RR271
Potential true friends are all around us. The key is to be able to spot them and determine whether they are worthy of YOUR time and devotion. Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker is a master networker who exudes this approach to building relationships.
She has proven strategies that make REAL connections and TRUE friends that are indeed worthy – and become allies in business and life. The first time we met I could really feel her ENERGY. She’s absolutely, outgoing - bubbly – and a great connector, who makes you feel comfortable immediately.
Elizabeth is an Award-Winning Speaker & Best-Selling Author who has trained THOUSANDS of professionals to Increase Sales - Generate Referrals - Develop Collaborations. Her strategies and techniques enable busy leaders to achieve business GROWTH.
In this episode you will learn:
- The TOP 3 secrets on How to Connect EFFECTIVELY.
- How to dive a little deeper with people … to develop relationships.
- How to make people start talking to you WITHOUT directly asking them how they are doing.
- WHO the people are you may want to meet and connect with at a Networking Event.
- Planning and Strategy – how BOTH have to go into relationship building.
You can find Elizabeth at: elizabethduncanhawker.com
In appreciation for being here, I have some gifts for you:
A LinkedIn Checklist for setting up your fully optimized Profile:
An opportunity to test drive the Follow Up system I recommend by taking the
3 Card Sampler – you won’t regret it.
AND … Don’t forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and be eligible for my
complimentary LinkedIn profile audit – I do one each month for a lucky
listener!
Connect with me:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/janiceporter/
https://www.facebook.com/janiceporter1
https://www.instagram.com/socjanice/
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Transcript
Hello everyone, and welcome to the relationships
Janice Porter:rural podcast. I'm your host, Janice Porter, and I have a
Janice Porter:wonderful guest with me today. Of course. Her name is Elizabeth
Janice Porter:Duncan Hawker. She comes to us all the way from Virginia,
Janice Porter:Norfolk City, Virginia, and I think she affectionately is
Janice Porter:known as the Red Hawk, which I can tell by her beautiful red
Janice Porter:hair. Welcome Elizabeth to the podcast. Oh, Janice,
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: it's such a pleasure to be here. And
Janice Porter:I have listened to so many of your podcasts with relationships
Janice Porter:rule, and I gotta tell you, you were one of the best podcasters
Janice Porter:I've seen it. It's been, I mean, I always learned something from
Janice Porter:it. So thank you for being kind enough to have me here today.
Janice Porter:Oh, it's my pleasure. And after that comment
Janice Porter:and compliment, you can come back anytime. Thank you so much.
Janice Porter:I appreciate that. So I want to tell my audience a little bit
Janice Porter:about Elizabeth, and then I'm going to let her tell the bigger
Janice Porter:story I know, and I'm very excited for her, because her new
Janice Porter:book just came out as we speak, I think the end of December,
Janice Porter:2020, yep, collecting true friends, and I just have had a
Janice Porter:snippet of it, but I have it, and I'm very excited to read the
Janice Porter:rest of it. She is an award winning speaker, a best selling
Janice Porter:author, and has trained 1000s of professionals to increase their
Janice Porter:sales referrals and collaborations, whether she's
Janice Porter:coaching from a live or virtual stage or consulting
Janice Porter:entrepreneurs and organizations in workshops, her techniques
Janice Porter:compel busy leaders to hit higher goals. I always like
Janice Porter:that, because I think it's the little nuances that make the
Janice Porter:difference, right? And I think that when, when somebody speaks
Janice Porter:about, we used to call these soft skills, right, networking
Janice Porter:skills and and connecting skills, but they're really more
Janice Porter:than that. So first of all, I want to ask you, how did you
Janice Porter:come to this? Because you worked in corporate, right for
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: 2025, years, I was in doing strategy
Janice Porter:and business development. And it was funny, because then six
Janice Porter:years ago, when I went out to be an entrepreneur and start
Janice Porter:consulting company, that's where Red Hawk came from. So I named
Janice Porter:the business Red Hawk strategic solutions. And then when I was
Janice Porter:out networking, because here I am having to do a brand shift. I
Janice Porter:mean, everybody had known me as this executive over at this
Janice Porter:company, they knew me as that title, and then all of a sudden
Janice Porter:I'm working independently. So I had to reinvent myself. You
Janice Porter:can't just go on to LinkedIn and post a new profile. They want to
Janice Porter:go, what are you doing? You left this and have you lost your
Janice Porter:mind? And yes. So that's what I would walk into events Janice,
Janice Porter:and then people would go, hey, the Red Hawks here. So that's
Janice Porter:what I learned early, like, if that's how you identify me, yes,
Janice Porter:she is here and you remembered me. Because in networking,
Janice Porter:that's the first rule that we need to know with our soft
Janice Porter:skills, is, how do we stand out? How do we be memorable? And my
Janice Porter:joke is, when I'm doing the training classes for companies,
Janice Porter:I always tell everybody I mean that in a great way. Like, we
Janice Porter:don't want to be the person like, Oh, I know him, yes,
Janice Porter:person that goes, Oh, I know him. There's a big difference.
Janice Porter:So we want to be memorable in a great way. So, yeah, so
Janice Porter:networking has taken a big shift, and I I've learned being
Janice Porter:in corporate all those years that even though senior
Janice Porter:leadership did not believe that we should all be friendly with
Janice Porter:one another, because back then, I mean, it was, it was a
Janice Porter:different time. I mean, we were taught, you know, you have your
Janice Porter:chiefs and you have your senior leaders, and you have your
Janice Porter:middle management, and you have your employees, and you can be
Janice Porter:friendly, but you don't commingle. And I never followed
Janice Porter:those rules. I didn't follow the rules either. Janice about that.
Janice Porter:I couldn't be friends with vendors, you know? I mean, I
Janice Porter:always kept the line of proprietary and I knew that, you
Janice Porter:know you were representing your company and they're representing
Janice Porter:yours, but I gotta tell you some of my best friends that are
Janice Porter:still my best friends today started because they were
Janice Porter:exterior to the business, and that's where, like with
Janice Porter:collecting true friends, I've mentioned that so many times in
Janice Porter:the book, is like you don't know where your best friend is, or
Janice Porter:your best client, or your best colleague, or the person that
Janice Porter:you just need to answer that question today is, I mean, they
Janice Porter:could be standing right in
Janice Porter:front of you. I know you said a couple of things
Janice Porter:in there about having to reinvent yourself. I had to do
Janice Porter:the same thing coming from corporate as well. And I
Janice Porter:remember back in those days, networking was still quite new.
Janice Porter:And, you know, I go to a Chamber of Commerce event because that's
Janice Porter:where there would be a lot of people, and I could mix and
Janice Porter:mingle and let them know who I was and what I did, not that we
Janice Porter:care what I did. But I want to say this for for a reason, is
Janice Porter:that I made. Sure, I figured out really quickly how to work a
Janice Porter:room, because I guess I'm an extrovert in so many ways. So I
Janice Porter:figured out how to work the room to my advantage, but also coming
Janice Porter:from an honest place, because that I'm a heartfelt a heart
Janice Porter:driven person, and it was who interested me, who I was curious
Janice Porter:about those kinds of thing, but I got the reputation of, Oh, you
Janice Porter:want to meet someone, or you don't know who that is, ask
Janice Porter:Jana, she knows everybody and beautiful. So that was really
Janice Porter:important for me, that people could see that I was a
Janice Porter:connector, and that's what I loved to do. But it's not a
Janice Porter:natural thing for everybody. So you know, first of all, let's
Janice Porter:look at, you know, what would you say, generally speaking, you
Janice Porter:know, are the three top things you need to be aware of. Let's
Janice Porter:say when you go networking.
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Well, it depends on if we're virtual.
Janice Porter:So let's start with Facebook. Let's talk universally between
Janice Porter:the two. So the first thing is and, and I also have this on my
Janice Porter:website. I think you'll be able to have it. So there's the
Janice Porter:seven, seven top secrets to how to connect effectively. And one
Janice Porter:of the very first top secrets is that I tell everybody, and they
Janice Porter:laugh, but I tell them, I'm like, fix your face, and I don't
Janice Porter:fix your lipstick if you're a woman, or comb your hair if
Janice Porter:you're a guy. I mean, how are you how if I look across the
Janice Porter:room at you, or if I look across zoom with you, this is
Janice Porter:universal. Am I seeing a face of annoyance? Am I seeing a
Janice Porter:seriously and you know what I'm talking about, like, right? And
Janice Porter:there's so many times that we want to talk to somebody, or
Janice Porter:engage with somebody, or go and chat and zoom, and then we're
Janice Porter:looking at them, and we're thinking, I don't know if
Janice Porter:they're approachable or how about this? If you had this
Janice Porter:happen, you'll say something, and then someone will make a
Janice Porter:face. And you know what? I always when I was standing up in
Janice Porter:front of, you know, audiences teaching this stuff, I say they
Janice Porter:might be making a face because they have a bunion, right? There
Janice Porter:might be their back. Maybe they were throwing their two year old
Janice Porter:kid around last night, and now their backs killing them, and
Janice Porter:they just move forward and they're like, Oh, right. And we,
Janice Porter:we think everything is about us, so as humans, and so the number
Janice Porter:one thing is, fix your face. Make sure you're approachable.
Janice Porter:If you do go to a face that's like annoyance face, or you are
Janice Porter:you, you know, make sure you recover that, you know. The The
Janice Porter:other thing too is that, remember that follow up is,
Janice Porter:that's an that's the second biggest one. I'm going to boil
Janice Porter:down my top three. But follow up so you and I, me, for example,
Janice Porter:we were introduced by somebody else, if I never did anything
Janice Porter:with that. Nothing would have happened today, and your
Janice Porter:listeners would not be here, and you would have thought, well,
Janice Porter:that's weird, because I reached out to her and everything. Now,
Janice Porter:for example, though I will, I will tell the quick story
Janice Porter:though, you know, last month we all had the covid thing. The
Janice Porter:first thing I did when I started with you too is I followed up
Janice Porter:with apologizing that I was not more prompt. So if this the
Janice Porter:third rule, I would say is that if you have not done what you
Janice Porter:were supposed to do with somebody, let them know why.
Janice Porter:That's the third rule because, because people are very
Janice Porter:forgiving. But if you don't communicate and tell them like,
Janice Porter:Hey, I know I was supposed to send that report to you, or I
Janice Porter:thought I was supposed to do that introduction for you, or I
Janice Porter:didn't get the thing in the mail right. Just tell them be honest,
Janice Porter:you know, but don't overlook it, because they might have needed
Janice Porter:that. And I've had this happen to me many times. They may have
Janice Porter:been sitting there going, Okay, well, it's a Friday. They said
Janice Porter:they were going to get that to me. I'll have that by Monday,
Janice Porter:and I can incorporate that in my next thing I'm doing. And then
Janice Porter:if I don't hear from the person, then I think, Oh, are they
Janice Porter:unreliable? Do they not want to communicate with me? So people
Janice Porter:start telling ourselves stories so, so fix your face. That's the
Janice Porter:funny way of just saying, like, okay, pay attention. How are you
Janice Porter:showing up? How do you look from a distance? Do you look like you
Janice Porter:don't want people to talk to you and on Zoom, that's applicable
Janice Porter:too. And then also make sure you follow up with anybody that
Janice Porter:you've been introduced to or you've met or on the number
Janice Porter:three, if you've promised to do something which was a follow up,
Janice Porter:or I was supposed to send you something, if you're late, it's
Janice Porter:okay, but make sure you get back with the people and tell them,
Janice Porter:because we want to be respected at the end of the day. You do
Janice Porter:those three things, you're golden because, because then you
Janice Porter:become memorable. Remember we started with it. We want to be
Janice Porter:memorable in a great way, not memorable for Oh, yeah.
Janice Porter:Great tips. Thank you. So you actually made me
Janice Porter:think of a couple of things there, and one of them is a
Janice Porter:topic I know is near and dear to you, and that that you know I've
Janice Porter:spent I told you before we went online that it's been snowing
Janice Porter:here like crazy, and we're not used to that and but that's just
Janice Porter:one reason. There are other. Reasons as well, where since
Janice Porter:covid And I've always been working from home, but I used to
Janice Porter:go out to events and or meet people for lunch just to get out
Janice Porter:of the house right find that I'm isolated and I'm in the house
Janice Porter:all day, maybe four days in a row, and I don't realize I
Janice Porter:haven't gone anywhere. It's terrible, and I I think that all
Janice Porter:day long, I'm talking to people, and mostly on zoom so I'm seeing
Janice Porter:people. I feel like I'm, you know, interacting. I'm I'm not
Janice Porter:quietly by myself all day. However, when I sit back at the
Janice Porter:end of the day, in the evening, watching TV, knitting, talking
Janice Porter:to my husband, watching the ball game, not the Dallas Cowboys,
Janice Porter:but I know that's your biggest I feel kind of isolated, and I
Janice Porter:realized that at that time that, my God, I haven't been out For
Janice Porter:days, there's a different feeling. So
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: absolutely, we're
Janice Porter:networking, but it's transitioned, and it's
Janice Porter:hurting in some ways. Do you want to speak to that a little
Janice Porter:bit
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: it is, and you know why? And hey, I
Janice Porter:feel like the student I got the answer for that call of me
Janice Porter:calling me when we are in person and we we are in a group of
Janice Porter:people, you and I, if we haven't seen each other in a while, you
Janice Porter:know we we animately show that, and remember, 55% of our
Janice Porter:communication comes through body language. With zoom, we're
Janice Porter:getting this one little square. So you may think that you know
Janice Porter:how I feel about seeing you, but there is beyond a doubt, no
Janice Porter:question if I'm in person with you, because you can also feel
Janice Porter:my energy, and that's, I think that's one of the biggest things
Janice Porter:that you're missing, and I know I miss is that because I'm an
Janice Porter:extrovert, but even the introverts, when we're locked
Janice Porter:into even our offices or we're forced to work remotely
Janice Porter:constantly, and we don't get back out at the water cooler,
Janice Porter:and we're not bumping into someone to get our cup of
Janice Porter:coffee. There's no physical energy exchange and and that,
Janice Porter:that's the one part to it. The second part is, is that when we
Janice Porter:are in a different environment, we can actually pull each other
Janice Porter:aside, and that's when this is where the beauty of it comes
Janice Porter:that's when we can have a real connection. That's where we have
Janice Porter:the real conversation. It's not the superficial stuff that we're
Janice Porter:doing on Zoom. It's not the the we're sitting at the table if
Janice Porter:we're at a live event and we're just chit chatting because other
Janice Porter:people are listening, but we can actually physically extract
Janice Porter:ourselves separately, and when we get that private moment with
Janice Porter:one another. That's when we are opening ourselves up to our
Janice Porter:heart opens, our mind opens, and it's a choice we make. How much
Janice Porter:do I want to share with you? How much do you want to share with
Janice Porter:me? But when we have that intimacy to share, then Janice,
Janice Porter:then that is the moment, then all of a sudden, we don't feel
Janice Porter:like we're lonesome anymore. My mom calls it low lonesome, and
Janice Porter:that's why people can be within a whole room of people and feel
Janice Porter:lonely because they're not having that private
Janice Porter:conversation, even just that five minutes to be able to tell
Janice Porter:somebody, you know what this month was something my daughter
Janice Porter:graduated. My grandchildren did this. The dog did if we you
Janice Porter:know, stuff that I wouldn't normally tell people, right? Or
Janice Porter:I could say, or this month was really hard, and can I do you
Janice Porter:have a moment? Can I tell you about it? And somebody's
Janice Porter:listening? We don't get that. We don't get that enough when we're
Janice Porter:remote right now, and it's tough, and it's and that's why
Janice Porter:we used to like to go to our mailbox, and I think you're
Janice Porter:snowed in, but down here, down down here in the South and in
Janice Porter:Virginia Beach, you know, we'll see people walking their dog out
Janice Porter:front or, you know, we'll go to the mailbox. Hey, how are you?
Janice Porter:We get caught up. But I feel their energy. And when we have a
Janice Porter:real conversation, it's really
Janice Porter:true. And I think, okay, so when I first met
Janice Porter:you on Zoom. I could feel your energy. So I can feel it because
Janice Porter:you're outgoing and you're bubbly, and, you know, we think
Janice Porter:alike. So I could tell that right away. And I think you have
Janice Porter:to be a good judge of character to be able to do that number one
Janice Porter:and and so I feel like I just had my tarot cards read online,
Janice Porter:like this woman was amazing. And in fact, I won it at a meeting
Janice Porter:in the fall, in in December or November, which is the meeting I
Janice Porter:was telling you about. So she does like prizes and stuff
Janice Porter:that's kind of fun. Anyway, she was very much energy driven
Janice Porter:through the zoom, which was, you know, that's her things, this
Janice Porter:woman that did that. Okay, but so when we're networking online,
Janice Porter:and we go into these breakout rooms, and there they are really
Janice Porter:kind of superficial, I think what's really important.
Janice Porter:Important is to be able to pick up on the people you you're
Janice Porter:curious enough about to want to know more, and then do that
Janice Porter:follow up that's so important that you mentioned, and book
Janice Porter:that one on one, so you can actually dive a little bit
Janice Porter:deeper with people, because that's the only way you're going
Janice Porter:to develop any kind of relationship.
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Totally agree. And one of the things I
Janice Porter:love to do, like, if we're on virtual, is I listen big thing.
Janice Porter:Everybody needs to listen right now, right? And that's why
Janice Porter:podcasts are so great, because people don't want they don't
Janice Porter:they don't need the visual like we do. And I'm listening to see
Janice Porter:what are the responses somebody makes, what is their energy
Janice Porter:level? Because we can do an energy check on like, you know,
Janice Porter:did were they kind to that person? Did they respond
Janice Porter:favorably? Did they get defensive when they when the
Janice Porter:speaker said something, I mean, so we can pick up. And then I go
Janice Porter:over to the private chat, and then I tell them specifically,
Janice Porter:I'm like, Hey, Holly, loved your comment about this kind of
Janice Porter:engagement. Or, Hey Steve, I never knew that about House
Janice Porter:buying. You know that's really profound. You're really good at
Janice Porter:what you do. It's nice to meet you. I'm not asking anything,
Janice Porter:but I'm just getting on their radar, showing listening that's
Janice Porter:and then in the private chat. But just don't write to somebody
Janice Porter:into because then it gets weird. If we just go into and I've had
Janice Porter:people do this too in the chat go, Hey, I'm glad you're here,
Janice Porter:or I liked what you said. I'm like about what I mean, because
Janice Porter:we've been talking for an hour. It's like,
Janice Porter:yes, yes.
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Talk with specificity, just like you
Janice Porter:would in person. You wouldn't just walk up to somebody after
Janice Porter:you've been in a meeting for an hour and then walk across the
Janice Porter:room and just go, Hey, Janice, I liked what you said. You'd be
Janice Porter:like that, or I wouldn't just stand there and go, Hey, how are
Janice Porter:you today? I mean, you'd go, Great. How are you? I mean, you
Janice Porter:know, I I would probably start with something softer, like
Janice Porter:that, like, hey, you know what? I love those glasses. That's one
Janice Porter:of my favorite is the tortoise, tortoise rims and stuff. You're
Janice Porter:really stylish, you know what? What brought you here today? So
Janice Porter:I would, I would compliment you, and then I would, then I would
Janice Porter:give you an answer to come back to me, and then, oh, I came here
Janice Porter:today because, so I'd make it easy for you to start talking to
Janice Porter:me. When we just directly ask people how they are. That's
Janice Porter:creepy, because it's we, we're like that
Janice Porter:happens in the grocery store, right? Hey, I
Janice Porter:say, well, not doing very well today, but that's okay. And just
Janice Porter:to see if they've listened, yeah, they don't listen to the
Janice Porter:answer anyway. So, so when you do, you mostly speak corporately
Janice Porter:or like, in associations, things like that, is it, do you like to
Janice Porter:get into the bigger corporations? I
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: am I so I speak a lot for universities
Janice Porter:and major major events. So I keynote speak it. What's
Janice Porter:interesting, though, is entrepreneurs are drawn to me,
Janice Porter:and I guess it's because, maybe of my corporate training and
Janice Porter:strategy, and then I've been out here for six years running the
Janice Porter:Red Hawk consulting, but I have a lot of service industry, and
Janice Porter:then, of course, a lot of MLM that over the years I've gotten
Janice Porter:to know them. And I think multi layer marketing is a wonderful
Janice Porter:world out there. It's, it's, it's a good fit for everybody,
Janice Porter:but it's interesting how many people will start in as an
Janice Porter:entrepreneur, for example, and they'll go launch their
Janice Porter:business, and that's basically what MLM does, too. But they'll
Janice Porter:go out there, and then all of a sudden they realize, you know
Janice Porter:what, I don't have any training how to talk to people, or I
Janice Porter:don't I don't really know what's working or it's not working, so
Janice Porter:I'm just going to follow whatever my leader tells me that
Janice Porter:I should do, or my boss. And I remember being in corporate
Janice Porter:Janice, and my boss telling me to go out and follow up with the
Janice Porter:surgeons in the area, and this is how I would approach them.
Janice Porter:And I'm thinking, if I did that, if someone came and knocked on
Janice Porter:my office practice and wanted I would be like, no, go away. So I
Janice Porter:just went okay, and then I would go out there and launch programs
Janice Porter:doing the way I would, and I would approach it from
Janice Porter:relationship marketing, which is what your whole show is about.
Janice Porter:It's like, you know, I would, I would try to figure out, well,
Janice Porter:we, you know, what is the thing you need? Doctor, you know, what
Janice Porter:is what you know? How can my big company help your company and
Janice Porter:make your life easier? And, of course, now, in in entrepreneur
Janice Porter:world, we call that pains. But in the corporate world, we
Janice Porter:didn't call it pain. We would just say, what are your
Janice Porter:challenges? And then we would try to do like the strength,
Janice Porter:weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Remember the old SWAT
Janice Porter:s, w, o, t thing, so I would do a SWAT study on them and but it
Janice Porter:was basically about asking and probing. And then it was
Janice Porter:interesting, because you get different answers between the
Janice Porter:senior leaders and the people actually doing the work. And
Janice Porter:then I would have to develop, like, a hybrid approach, so
Janice Porter:planning and strategy. So, yeah, this is that that all has to go
Janice Porter:into relationship building. You've got to have a plan.
Janice Porter:You've got to know before you get to an event. Who, in fact.
Janice Porter:That's one of the things that I'm just posting recently. Is
Janice Porter:like, before you even get to an event, you should know basically
Janice Porter:what the people are. If you don't know, go look at prior
Janice Porter:events, scroll through, look at who's made comments on it. Look
Janice Porter:at the images, or go into LinkedIn, check out with it. And
Janice Porter:I know you're huge on LinkedIn. I mean, you can learn more on
Janice Porter:just who's connected with who on LinkedIn and who's making
Janice Porter:comments. Making comments. And then by the time we go to like,
Janice Porter:a chamber event or a rotary or a huge Institute presentation, we
Janice Porter:know, like, you know what? Here's the people that are on
Janice Porter:the board. Here's their followers. I'm probably going to
Janice Porter:bump into them. I'd really like to meet Joe, Jane and Jeff,
Janice Porter:right? And I'm sure you do that.
Janice Porter:This is exactly what I was talking about on a
Janice Porter:podcast that I was being interviewed on yesterday. And
Janice Porter:this gentleman is he was on my podcast. He will be, and we've
Janice Porter:already done the interview, but he is a networker as well. And
Janice Porter:we were talking about, I said, the five people I want to meet
Janice Porter:at a networking event are the organizer, the registration
Janice Porter:people or person big time, the
Janice Porter:the speaker and the two people who are the biggest hubs in the
Janice Porter:room, so they are the connectors, right? And those are
Janice Porter:the people I want to meet, but I need to have done my homework,
Janice Porter:just like you said. So you go with intention. And somebody
Janice Porter:said, or this gentleman said to me something about someone else
Janice Porter:had said to him, if she wants to meet four people, she takes four
Janice Porter:business cards. And I said, I don't take any business cards. I
Janice Porter:want your business card because now I'm in control and I'm a
Janice Porter:control freak, so I want to be able to follow up, not wait for
Janice Porter:them to follow up. What's your take on that? Nice
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: I love that and it. And for those that
Janice Porter:are listening that that don't understand why you wanted to
Janice Porter:meet the people, the receptionist and then the
Janice Porter:organizer of events, one of the best ways. And let's go back to
Janice Porter:the top of the hour when we were talking about being memorable
Janice Porter:you want to have one of the best ways is to compliment somebody,
Janice Porter:and just like you would do if you went to their home. Thank
Janice Porter:you so much for inviting me. Thank you for putting together
Janice Porter:such a well organized event. I really liked the insert the
Janice Porter:blank. And when you tell somebody, is that in and I'm
Janice Porter:sure there's people that are listening that have put on big
Janice Porter:events, and let me tell you, there's a lot of work that goes
Janice Porter:into it, and people think it just magically happens. And when
Janice Porter:somebody walks up and goes, and I love the little details of
Janice Porter:what you did on the table, and then the little this, and then
Janice Porter:that, and you're that event person, you are going to be
Janice Porter:their instant friend. Same thing with the speaker when you're
Janice Porter:talking specificity. So you nailed it there. Janice with you
Janice Porter:tell them exactly why they're so good, what you liked about them,
Janice Porter:and don't ask anything from them, but make sure they know
Janice Porter:your name. So, and I always wear, I have a magnetic name
Janice Porter:badge, which is my name on there, but I give them something
Janice Porter:to remember. So it's, you know. So, like, maybe I'll, I'll shake
Janice Porter:my long red hair, and I'll say, hey, you know the Red Hawk, you
Janice Porter:know. And Elizabeth, I live in Virginia, like, Queen Elizabeth,
Janice Porter:you know, who was the queen of Virginia? Oh, okay, but I give
Janice Porter:them some hook to remember by or then the next time, the other
Janice Porter:thing I would say, too, is that, because we really didn't get to
Janice Porter:talk about that if we want to be memorable those people that we
Janice Porter:just did that with, next time we remind them about something they
Janice Porter:told us, that's one of the how's the puppy doing?
Janice Porter:That's an art that is a huge art, I know, and
Janice Porter:it also means that to make it not look like an art left that
Janice Porter:event. You get to your car, you may have their business cards
Janice Porter:now, you write this back of your card and put it in your Yeah, in
Janice Porter:your CRM, or your Yeah,
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: you're flipping it over, yeah, just,
Janice Porter:just got a rescue dog. Daughter won the soccer championship. You
Janice Porter:know, wife, wife is in the hospital, you know? I mean,
Janice Porter:yeah, you write, you write stuff on there, I mean, and that's the
Janice Porter:next time you fall. Oh, and the other thing too, because I know
Janice Porter:you're really big with following up with, with the cards and, and
Janice Porter:I have done for years too, is, you know, if there's a
Janice Porter:milestone, you you send them a card in the mail, you you ask
Janice Porter:for their address, or you get it and you send it to their
Janice Porter:business and that and or if you don't have that, then you send
Janice Porter:them a phone call and just leave. Hey, you know, we met at
Janice Porter:the other event, you know, two weeks ago. I just wanted to
Janice Porter:follow up. You know, Is your mom doing okay? I knew you were
Janice Porter:really worried the last time I saw you. You know, are things
Janice Porter:going better? But you don't bring a business just hey, just
Janice Porter:now you may want to say, are you going to the such and such event
Janice Porter:again, because I'm thinking, I might want to go next month, you
Janice Porter:know. And do you think that's a good fit for me? And then so
Janice Porter:and, but don't talk anything about what you need. So, right?
Janice Porter:But
Janice Porter:what you've done is you've asked a question to
Janice Porter:elicit further engagement, which I absolutely love, and
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: you're showing that you value their
Janice Porter:input. Like, do you think this would be a good fit for me to
Janice Porter:come? Back to or somebody said, I should also think about this.
Janice Porter:I'll do that with speaking engagements, you know, I'll
Janice Porter:finish speaking one, and I'll say, let me know where else I
Janice Porter:should be. And then when people come up there, that gives me an
Janice Porter:opportunity to call back and say, I know you told me that
Janice Porter:this would be a good fit, and I followed up on that. Then some,
Janice Porter:one of your other colleagues said this, do you think that's a
Janice Porter:good place now that you've heard me present, because then it
Janice Porter:shows that I'm listening to them, that I see them as an
Janice Porter:expert, right?
Janice Porter:These are all gems that you're talking about.
Janice Porter:They're gems. They really are. You know, I find that when I'm
Janice Porter:doing my LinkedIn training, when I get past the the profile piece
Janice Porter:and we get into messaging strategies, I do still, I find
Janice Porter:so many people say to me, Well, what should I say in that
Janice Porter:message? Right? You know, and even with the cards, when I'm
Janice Porter:teaching people how to make sending cards a habit, and I was
Janice Porter:doing this with a woman yesterday, and she's an MLM
Janice Porter:person, and I love her, and she's had an account for a long
Janice Porter:time, but doesn't use it, and she says, Okay, this is a year.
Janice Porter:I'm going to use it. And I said to her, the best thing you can
Janice Porter:do is make it a habit to say to yourself every day, who needs to
Janice Porter:hear from me today? Yes, it doesn't matter if you've spoken
Janice Porter:to them recently. Maybe you saw them on Facebook, mate and
Janice Porter:something happened. Whatever it is, you need to send at least
Janice Porter:one card, preferably three cards a day, because it becomes a
Janice Porter:habit, and it becomes easier as you do it. And again, it's, what
Janice Porter:do I say? And I said, Well, that's going to come, you know,
Janice Porter:we'll we, I help them to start with, but I'm just trying to
Janice Porter:make it a habit for them. So it's all thinking
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: of you. It's always a good start. I'm
Janice Porter:thinking of we
Janice Porter:have the beauty now of being able to say, just
Janice Porter:send a postcard where you've put a photo from Facebook of them on
Janice Porter:the front of it and on the back say something like celebrating
Janice Porter:you fridge worthy, you know, photo memory. It had to happen.
Janice Porter:That's it. And you don't even have a full sentence.
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: So we just finished the holiday, I
Janice Porter:actually picked up the phone and I called people and thanked them
Janice Porter:or texted them for their Christmas cards, because I
Janice Porter:usually always send out. And then, of course, I mentioned to
Janice Porter:you that, you know, we were, we were tied up with the covid
Janice Porter:stuff. But I think texting is another good thing if you know,
Janice Porter:people aren't into, you know, the actual, the the transaction
Janice Porter:of trying to get a card out, start with texting, start
Janice Porter:somewhere that you're used to practicing your skills with. And
Janice Porter:the reason why I like that too, though, is that because then
Janice Porter:when you I keep the text in a chain, and I will go back,
Janice Porter:because it's amazing how short our memory can be, and it will
Janice Porter:be like, I will look back four months ago, and I'll go, Oh,
Janice Porter:wow. I You know what? I bet the daughter is about ready to
Janice Porter:deliver now, you know, or, or her son is now going into
Janice Porter:finally going to school or, but my memory, and I have a good
Janice Porter:memory, but that's sometimes I'll go back and and some of
Janice Porter:them, like, goes back for years and stuff. When I did my book
Janice Porter:launch a couple months ago, texting was a huge, huge way for
Janice Porter:me to immediately it was more personal. Of course, I did
Janice Porter:formal, you know, like I did all the social media and everything
Janice Porter:but texting and phone calls, when your voice is engaged, it
Janice Porter:just changes. You can also hit audio message on your texting so
Janice Porter:like on your DM messages, a lot of people will go into
Janice Porter:Instagram, they'll hit they'll go to DM me, and then they just
Janice Porter:hold it down, and then record a short snippet to me, and it tell
Janice Porter:you what, when, when you're not, when you're not having the best
Janice Porter:day. And then you, all of a sudden, you hear somebody's
Janice Porter:voice, and they say something like, Hey, you doing okay? I
Janice Porter:haven't for me in a while, like, I'm just checking in, like,
Janice Porter:because you did, you all just hear how many different
Janice Porter:inflections I had on that that's entirely different than reading,
Janice Porter:Hi, I'm just checking in. Hope you're doing well, right? I
Janice Porter:mean, it's so we all need to hear the voice. If we get can't
Janice Porter:see the body, well, you can
Janice Porter:take it one step further. You can even on
Janice Porter:LinkedIn, and you can send a video message. I need to
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: start doing that. Oh, you're gonna
Janice Porter:have to show me how master everybody
Janice Porter:that's been around for a little while. And
Janice Porter:I've done that where I haven't talked to someone for a while, I
Janice Porter:sent a video message, and in this particular mortgage broker
Janice Porter:that I'm thinking of immediately sent me a message back and said,
Janice Porter:How did you do that? And then he figured it out and sent me one
Janice Porter:because it was a standout from the list of messages.
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Girlfriend, you just like. That was just the
Janice Porter:explosion moment. So if everybody you didn't get
Janice Porter:anything else today, you got you gotta go try that new tool out
Janice Porter:there, and
Janice Porter:you're so sweet. Now, okay, we're wrapping up a
Janice Porter:little bit. No, I want to give a little bit of time to two
Janice Porter:things. One, I want to ask you, I know, you just wrote a book
Janice Porter:and a new book, and it's, I love having the actual book, you
Janice Porter:know, make notes in it, and and things. Like that, which I've
Janice Porter:started to do in the chapter that I got to first, which was
Janice Porter:the middle of the book, for some reason anyway. And actually the
Janice Porter:chapter title was how to be a magnet to true friends, be the
Janice Porter:real deal. And so much of what you talked about today speaks to
Janice Porter:that, you know, being authentic, paying attention, listening so
Janice Porter:that you can show that you are, you know, speaking from your
Janice Porter:heart, because that's really what I think it's about when you
Janice Porter:when you want to build friendships with people as as
Janice Porter:you do. Where was I going with that? Oh, so what is your
Janice Porter:preferred method of gathering information these days? Is it
Janice Porter:reading a real book? Is it audio books? Is it podcasts? Is it
Janice Porter:videos, on YouTube? What do you do the most? Where do you what's
Janice Porter:your first go to you
Unknown:know, I love articles under accredited sources. So you
Unknown:know, coming from a clinical world, we were all about white
Unknown:papers and valid sources. So online, I will look for articles
Unknown:that are current. So I stay up to date. I still, I still do
Unknown:love a good book, for example. And this is kind of an older
Unknown:one, but loneliness by John Cacioppo is one of the ones that
Unknown:I'm going through right now because we are in a loneliness
Unknown:epidemic right now, and that's what I speak to, the power of
Unknown:connecting. I like books, though, because, as you can see,
Unknown:I go through and I highlight what I do, and I saw you have
Unknown:the dovetails on my book there collecting true friends is I
Unknown:highlight stuff, I tag it, and then I work that back into my
Unknown:speeches, back into my conversations with people,
Unknown:because I I'm very curious, and I like to share what I learn.
Unknown:And I think like, for example, one of the things I learned is
Unknown:loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So
Unknown:when somebody is lonely, truly lonely, it physically declines
Unknown:their health. So to me that, like, that's a stat that when I
Unknown:read it, that I had to learn more about it. So I do like
Unknown:podcasts. I've become a real fan of them. Obviously, this last
Unknown:year. Now that I'm out there, I'm guessing on so many and and
Unknown:I'm recommending so many, like, I'm recommending yours out but,
Unknown:yeah, I love the tactileness and stuff. It's there's just
Unknown:something about it. Throw it in my throw it in my handbag. And,
Unknown:yeah, I'm not big on Kindle. I don't need extra
Janice Porter:light. Well, I agree, and I find though, that
Janice Porter:what's happened as I've gotten older, though, is my attention
Janice Porter:span is shorter, and sometimes I find myself even though I prefer
Janice Porter:to read a, you know, a real book, I unless I've got
Janice Porter:something in my hand to do that, I'll lose concentration faster,
Janice Porter:so I have to be careful, right? So, pardon me, yeah, exactly. So
Janice Porter:I'm almost so busy doing 14 things at once. Okay, last
Janice Porter:question, and you already spoke to this actually, and I think
Janice Porter:may have answered part of it. It's a two part question, and my
Janice Porter:favorite word is curiosity, and and I, I want to know if you
Janice Porter:think curiosity is innate or learned. And second part, what
Janice Porter:are you most curious about today, which you may have
Janice Porter:already answered, but you're you can certainly answer it again if
Janice Porter:you want to Sure, sure,
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: I think curiosity is innate, and I have
Janice Porter:been accused of being the world's most curious person
Janice Porter:since I was old enough to walk. What's this? What's that? And I
Janice Porter:was probably that annoying kid that put everything in her mouth
Janice Porter:so that, because remember back then, we were tasting and
Janice Porter:learning everything so and I actually made a, yeah, in fact,
Janice Porter:I know I did that because I had a mud Tea Party and ended up at
Janice Porter:the hospital when I was three years old. I thought that would
Janice Porter:be great, you know, like to serve and eat mud so, so, yeah,
Janice Porter:there's, there's a vulnerable moment for your listeners. So I
Janice Porter:do think it's innate, and as we're children, I think that it
Janice Porter:also goes up until into our 20s. This is what I would tell your
Janice Porter:listeners, and I want them to really, really put their
Janice Porter:thinking gear on. And trust me, when I say this, I also do
Janice Porter:believe you can learn it however it's harder. So if you find
Janice Porter:that, you're just going to dismiss that out, just like I've
Janice Porter:had so many people in business say, Oh, I'm just terrible at
Janice Porter:names. Elizabeth, I'm not no good at that. I'm like, stop
Janice Porter:that. It is time right now that you do not ever say that to
Janice Porter:somebody again, because what you just said to them is, I'm not
Janice Porter:interested in learning your name ever, which means I don't want
Janice Porter:to know you. So it's the same thing when somebody tells me,
Janice Porter:Janice, that they're, you know, well, you're so curious. And I
Janice Porter:just, I'm not that curious about stuff. I like to challenge them
Janice Porter:back and say, you can learn to be more curious. Because here's
Janice Porter:the thing, you need to have smarter people around you. If
Janice Porter:you are the smartest person, and we've all heard this before, but
Janice Porter:if you're the smartest person around you, all day long, I got
Janice Porter:news for you all, you're going to. Come out at a certain age,
Janice Porter:and you got to rise in your curiosity, because you got to
Janice Porter:start saying, Well, what don't I know? And if we don't ever do
Janice Porter:that, then your intellect is going to be tapped out. Say it,
Janice Porter:and I'm going to make up a number, but maybe 40. So I do
Janice Porter:believe it starts out in eight. I do believe that some of us
Janice Porter:have a head start on it, like mine. I don't know why I've
Janice Porter:always been insatiably curious and stuff, but I do also believe
Janice Porter:that if you are not learning something every day,
Janice Porter:particularly from every person, new stranger that you meet, even
Janice Porter:if you think they're boring, make it a personal challenge and
Janice Porter:say to yourself, I'm going to learn one new thing from this
Janice Porter:person that I think there's not possibly anything he or she
Janice Porter:could ever teach me, show me, tell me about. And you will be
Janice Porter:surprised if you start challenging yourself, you will,
Janice Porter:you will teach yourself that the thing I'm most curious about,
Janice Porter:and I actually remember part two of your question, Part D, is, I
Janice Porter:want to know, I want to know what it's going to take for the
Janice Porter:world to really understand and how to become better friends to
Janice Porter:one another. And that's why I did write collecting true
Janice Porter:friends, because I was shocked how many people really don't
Janice Porter:understand the mechanics. There are mechanics, just like in
Janice Porter:networking, there's mechanics and logistics that if you follow
Janice Porter:a certain methodology, and that's covered in the book, if
Janice Porter:they do it Janice, then they can be amazing friends, and they can
Janice Porter:have amazing friends. So I'm just curious and amazed. I just
Janice Porter:stand in awe that when people tell me, like, I've never had a
Janice Porter:great friend, people that people don't stay in my life long. I
Janice Porter:just kind of step back and I get really curious on that. And
Janice Porter:then, of course, you know, being the world's most curious person
Janice Porter:over here, then I have to say, Well, tell me about that. And
Janice Porter:then when I dig deeper, that's when the great conversations
Janice Porter:start. But I just don't understand why with, you know,
Janice Porter:billions of people on the planet. I mean, if they say that
Janice Porter:with that, we have what 20 different possible soul mates
Janice Porter:that could be. You know, we could romantically get linked up
Janice Porter:with why doesn't everybody have an amazing inner circle? So
Janice Porter:that's my thing. I'm so curious about it's like, you don't have
Janice Porter:to be lonely. And I, and my slogan is, a life lacking
Janice Porter:friends is totally fixable.
Janice Porter:There were just so many gems in that last Oh, my
Janice Porter:goodness, thank you so much. You know, I remember trying to I
Janice Porter:have two daughters, one of them is very outgoing and much like
Janice Porter:me, and a type personality and talks to everybody and anybody,
Janice Porter:which I think comes from my mother, bless her, because she
Janice Porter:did too and cared about everybody. My mother used to
Janice Porter:send postcards from vacation to the butcher, you know, like
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: everybody, I bet she got great rose.
Janice Porter:My other daughter is more introverted, and she's
Janice Porter:bigger challenge for me because she's not like me. But, you
Janice Porter:know, she'll say, Mom, I don't care. And I'll say, Well, why
Janice Porter:don't you care? You have to care. And then the other piece I
Janice Porter:always say to her is, you know, to have a good friend, you need
Janice Porter:to be a good friend. And that's, I think, a great place to to
Janice Porter:end, because I know collecting true friends, your book is all
Janice Porter:about that, and about how to be that true friend to people and
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: and who, who's worthy of it that. So
Janice Porter:the subtitle is, be a magnet to those worthy. Yes, I'm in
Janice Porter:devotion because, Janice, I'm throwing it out there too. Not
Janice Porter:everybody's worthy of you, and it's okay for us to be bold
Janice Porter:enough, it's not being mean, but, but you've got amazing
Janice Porter:listeners, and if you just haven't had the relationships
Janice Porter:and friendships you wanted in the past, it's because those
Janice Porter:people were not worthy of you, and it's time that you start
Janice Porter:attracting, be a magnet to those that are worthy, and then
Janice Porter:likewise, be worthy of them. And all of a sudden, the whole world
Janice Porter:changes.
Janice Porter:So true. This has been such a delight. Elizabeth,
Janice Porter:my pleasure. So much for being my guest. I will put it in the
Janice Porter:show notes, but just tell me where people can find you. Oh,
Janice Porter:absolutely.
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: So if they'd like to get hold of the
Janice Porter:book, it's collecting true friends.com. Is easy to go to,
Janice Porter:and then I'd love for them to I'd love to connect with me at
Janice Porter:my website. Elizabeth Duncan hawker.com, so it's Elizabeth,
Janice Porter:D, u n, c, a, n, Hawker, H, A, W, k, e, r.com, but if it's
Janice Porter:easier, just go to collecting true friends.com and you can
Janice Porter:find me there. I know my name's kind of long, and that's okay,
Janice Porter:so wonderful and and I do really believe, and I will say it
Janice Porter:again, a life lacking friends is totally fixable, so do not be
Janice Porter:lonely in life. Find great friends, have great
Janice Porter:relationships, enjoy yourself. And you know, it's there's
Janice Porter:people out there that want to, want to be worthy of you. So
Janice Porter:it's especially right now there's a lot of lonely people.
Janice Porter:Let's help that. Thanks, Janice, thank
Janice Porter:you. So much for being here and to my audience,
Janice Porter:thank you again for listening. If you liked what you heard,
Janice Porter:please leave a review. We love positive reviews and let us know
Janice Porter:that we can bring you more of the same. I have a feeling I
Janice Porter:need to have Elizabeth back a second time to continue the
Janice Porter:conversation. So remember, stay connected and be remembered
Janice Porter:Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: beautiful.