Episode 271

full
Published on:

13th Aug 2024

Collecting True Friends – Be A Magnet to Those Worthy of Your Time & Devotion - REPLAY - | RR271

Potential true friends are all around us. The key is to be able to spot them and determine whether they are worthy of YOUR time and devotion. Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker is a master networker who exudes this approach to building relationships.

She has proven strategies that make REAL connections and TRUE friends that are indeed worthy – and become allies in business and life. The first time we met I could really feel her ENERGY. She’s absolutely, outgoing - bubbly – and a great connector, who makes you feel comfortable immediately.

Elizabeth is an Award-Winning Speaker & Best-Selling Author who has trained THOUSANDS of professionals to Increase Sales - Generate Referrals - Develop Collaborations. Her strategies and techniques enable busy leaders to achieve business GROWTH.

In this episode you will learn:

  • The TOP 3 secrets on How to Connect EFFECTIVELY.
  • How to dive a little deeper with people … to develop relationships.
  • How to make people start talking to you WITHOUT directly asking them how they are doing.
  • WHO the people are you may want to meet and connect with at a Networking Event.
  • Planning and Strategy – how BOTH have to go into relationship building.


You can find Elizabeth at: elizabethduncanhawker.com

redhawkstrategicsolutions.com


In appreciation for being here, I have some gifts for you:

A LinkedIn Checklist for setting up your fully optimized Profile:

An opportunity to test drive the Follow Up system I recommend by taking the

3 Card Sampler – you won’t regret it.


AND … Don’t forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and be eligible for my

complimentary LinkedIn profile audit – I do one each month for a lucky

listener!


Connect with me:

http://JanicePorter.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/janiceporter/

https://www.facebook.com/janiceporter1

https://www.instagram.com/socjanice/


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Transcript
Janice Porter:

Hello everyone, and welcome to the relationships

Janice Porter:

rural podcast. I'm your host, Janice Porter, and I have a

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wonderful guest with me today. Of course. Her name is Elizabeth

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Duncan Hawker. She comes to us all the way from Virginia,

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Norfolk City, Virginia, and I think she affectionately is

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known as the Red Hawk, which I can tell by her beautiful red

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hair. Welcome Elizabeth to the podcast. Oh, Janice,

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: it's such a pleasure to be here. And

Janice Porter:

I have listened to so many of your podcasts with relationships

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rule, and I gotta tell you, you were one of the best podcasters

Janice Porter:

I've seen it. It's been, I mean, I always learned something from

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it. So thank you for being kind enough to have me here today.

Janice Porter:

Oh, it's my pleasure. And after that comment

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and compliment, you can come back anytime. Thank you so much.

Janice Porter:

I appreciate that. So I want to tell my audience a little bit

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about Elizabeth, and then I'm going to let her tell the bigger

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story I know, and I'm very excited for her, because her new

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book just came out as we speak, I think the end of December,

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2020, yep, collecting true friends, and I just have had a

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snippet of it, but I have it, and I'm very excited to read the

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rest of it. She is an award winning speaker, a best selling

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author, and has trained 1000s of professionals to increase their

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sales referrals and collaborations, whether she's

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coaching from a live or virtual stage or consulting

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entrepreneurs and organizations in workshops, her techniques

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compel busy leaders to hit higher goals. I always like

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that, because I think it's the little nuances that make the

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difference, right? And I think that when, when somebody speaks

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about, we used to call these soft skills, right, networking

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skills and and connecting skills, but they're really more

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than that. So first of all, I want to ask you, how did you

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come to this? Because you worked in corporate, right for

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Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: 2025, years, I was in doing strategy

Janice Porter:

and business development. And it was funny, because then six

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years ago, when I went out to be an entrepreneur and start

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consulting company, that's where Red Hawk came from. So I named

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the business Red Hawk strategic solutions. And then when I was

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out networking, because here I am having to do a brand shift. I

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mean, everybody had known me as this executive over at this

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company, they knew me as that title, and then all of a sudden

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I'm working independently. So I had to reinvent myself. You

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can't just go on to LinkedIn and post a new profile. They want to

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go, what are you doing? You left this and have you lost your

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mind? And yes. So that's what I would walk into events Janice,

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and then people would go, hey, the Red Hawks here. So that's

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what I learned early, like, if that's how you identify me, yes,

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she is here and you remembered me. Because in networking,

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that's the first rule that we need to know with our soft

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skills, is, how do we stand out? How do we be memorable? And my

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joke is, when I'm doing the training classes for companies,

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I always tell everybody I mean that in a great way. Like, we

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don't want to be the person like, Oh, I know him, yes,

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person that goes, Oh, I know him. There's a big difference.

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So we want to be memorable in a great way. So, yeah, so

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networking has taken a big shift, and I I've learned being

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in corporate all those years that even though senior

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leadership did not believe that we should all be friendly with

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one another, because back then, I mean, it was, it was a

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different time. I mean, we were taught, you know, you have your

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chiefs and you have your senior leaders, and you have your

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middle management, and you have your employees, and you can be

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friendly, but you don't commingle. And I never followed

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those rules. I didn't follow the rules either. Janice about that.

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I couldn't be friends with vendors, you know? I mean, I

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always kept the line of proprietary and I knew that, you

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know you were representing your company and they're representing

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yours, but I gotta tell you some of my best friends that are

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still my best friends today started because they were

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exterior to the business, and that's where, like with

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collecting true friends, I've mentioned that so many times in

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the book, is like you don't know where your best friend is, or

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your best client, or your best colleague, or the person that

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you just need to answer that question today is, I mean, they

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could be standing right in

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front of you. I know you said a couple of things

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in there about having to reinvent yourself. I had to do

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the same thing coming from corporate as well. And I

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remember back in those days, networking was still quite new.

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And, you know, I go to a Chamber of Commerce event because that's

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where there would be a lot of people, and I could mix and

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mingle and let them know who I was and what I did, not that we

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care what I did. But I want to say this for for a reason, is

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that I made. Sure, I figured out really quickly how to work a

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room, because I guess I'm an extrovert in so many ways. So I

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figured out how to work the room to my advantage, but also coming

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from an honest place, because that I'm a heartfelt a heart

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driven person, and it was who interested me, who I was curious

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about those kinds of thing, but I got the reputation of, Oh, you

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want to meet someone, or you don't know who that is, ask

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Jana, she knows everybody and beautiful. So that was really

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important for me, that people could see that I was a

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connector, and that's what I loved to do. But it's not a

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natural thing for everybody. So you know, first of all, let's

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look at, you know, what would you say, generally speaking, you

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know, are the three top things you need to be aware of. Let's

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say when you go networking.

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Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Well, it depends on if we're virtual.

Janice Porter:

So let's start with Facebook. Let's talk universally between

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the two. So the first thing is and, and I also have this on my

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website. I think you'll be able to have it. So there's the

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seven, seven top secrets to how to connect effectively. And one

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of the very first top secrets is that I tell everybody, and they

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laugh, but I tell them, I'm like, fix your face, and I don't

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fix your lipstick if you're a woman, or comb your hair if

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you're a guy. I mean, how are you how if I look across the

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room at you, or if I look across zoom with you, this is

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universal. Am I seeing a face of annoyance? Am I seeing a

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seriously and you know what I'm talking about, like, right? And

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there's so many times that we want to talk to somebody, or

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engage with somebody, or go and chat and zoom, and then we're

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looking at them, and we're thinking, I don't know if

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they're approachable or how about this? If you had this

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happen, you'll say something, and then someone will make a

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face. And you know what? I always when I was standing up in

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front of, you know, audiences teaching this stuff, I say they

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might be making a face because they have a bunion, right? There

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might be their back. Maybe they were throwing their two year old

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kid around last night, and now their backs killing them, and

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they just move forward and they're like, Oh, right. And we,

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we think everything is about us, so as humans, and so the number

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one thing is, fix your face. Make sure you're approachable.

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If you do go to a face that's like annoyance face, or you are

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you, you know, make sure you recover that, you know. The The

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other thing too is that, remember that follow up is,

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that's an that's the second biggest one. I'm going to boil

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down my top three. But follow up so you and I, me, for example,

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we were introduced by somebody else, if I never did anything

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with that. Nothing would have happened today, and your

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listeners would not be here, and you would have thought, well,

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that's weird, because I reached out to her and everything. Now,

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for example, though I will, I will tell the quick story

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though, you know, last month we all had the covid thing. The

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first thing I did when I started with you too is I followed up

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with apologizing that I was not more prompt. So if this the

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third rule, I would say is that if you have not done what you

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were supposed to do with somebody, let them know why.

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That's the third rule because, because people are very

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forgiving. But if you don't communicate and tell them like,

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Hey, I know I was supposed to send that report to you, or I

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thought I was supposed to do that introduction for you, or I

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didn't get the thing in the mail right. Just tell them be honest,

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you know, but don't overlook it, because they might have needed

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that. And I've had this happen to me many times. They may have

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been sitting there going, Okay, well, it's a Friday. They said

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they were going to get that to me. I'll have that by Monday,

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and I can incorporate that in my next thing I'm doing. And then

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if I don't hear from the person, then I think, Oh, are they

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unreliable? Do they not want to communicate with me? So people

Janice Porter:

start telling ourselves stories so, so fix your face. That's the

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funny way of just saying, like, okay, pay attention. How are you

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showing up? How do you look from a distance? Do you look like you

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don't want people to talk to you and on Zoom, that's applicable

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too. And then also make sure you follow up with anybody that

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you've been introduced to or you've met or on the number

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three, if you've promised to do something which was a follow up,

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or I was supposed to send you something, if you're late, it's

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okay, but make sure you get back with the people and tell them,

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because we want to be respected at the end of the day. You do

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those three things, you're golden because, because then you

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become memorable. Remember we started with it. We want to be

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memorable in a great way, not memorable for Oh, yeah.

Janice Porter:

Great tips. Thank you. So you actually made me

Janice Porter:

think of a couple of things there, and one of them is a

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topic I know is near and dear to you, and that that you know I've

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spent I told you before we went online that it's been snowing

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here like crazy, and we're not used to that and but that's just

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one reason. There are other. Reasons as well, where since

Janice Porter:

covid And I've always been working from home, but I used to

Janice Porter:

go out to events and or meet people for lunch just to get out

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of the house right find that I'm isolated and I'm in the house

Janice Porter:

all day, maybe four days in a row, and I don't realize I

Janice Porter:

haven't gone anywhere. It's terrible, and I I think that all

Janice Porter:

day long, I'm talking to people, and mostly on zoom so I'm seeing

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people. I feel like I'm, you know, interacting. I'm I'm not

Janice Porter:

quietly by myself all day. However, when I sit back at the

Janice Porter:

end of the day, in the evening, watching TV, knitting, talking

Janice Porter:

to my husband, watching the ball game, not the Dallas Cowboys,

Janice Porter:

but I know that's your biggest I feel kind of isolated, and I

Janice Porter:

realized that at that time that, my God, I haven't been out For

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days, there's a different feeling. So

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: absolutely, we're

Janice Porter:

networking, but it's transitioned, and it's

Janice Porter:

hurting in some ways. Do you want to speak to that a little

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bit

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Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: it is, and you know why? And hey, I

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feel like the student I got the answer for that call of me

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calling me when we are in person and we we are in a group of

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people, you and I, if we haven't seen each other in a while, you

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know we we animately show that, and remember, 55% of our

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communication comes through body language. With zoom, we're

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getting this one little square. So you may think that you know

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how I feel about seeing you, but there is beyond a doubt, no

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question if I'm in person with you, because you can also feel

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my energy, and that's, I think that's one of the biggest things

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that you're missing, and I know I miss is that because I'm an

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extrovert, but even the introverts, when we're locked

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into even our offices or we're forced to work remotely

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constantly, and we don't get back out at the water cooler,

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and we're not bumping into someone to get our cup of

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coffee. There's no physical energy exchange and and that,

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that's the one part to it. The second part is, is that when we

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are in a different environment, we can actually pull each other

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aside, and that's when this is where the beauty of it comes

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that's when we can have a real connection. That's where we have

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the real conversation. It's not the superficial stuff that we're

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doing on Zoom. It's not the the we're sitting at the table if

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we're at a live event and we're just chit chatting because other

Janice Porter:

people are listening, but we can actually physically extract

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ourselves separately, and when we get that private moment with

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one another. That's when we are opening ourselves up to our

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heart opens, our mind opens, and it's a choice we make. How much

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do I want to share with you? How much do you want to share with

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me? But when we have that intimacy to share, then Janice,

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then that is the moment, then all of a sudden, we don't feel

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like we're lonesome anymore. My mom calls it low lonesome, and

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that's why people can be within a whole room of people and feel

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lonely because they're not having that private

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conversation, even just that five minutes to be able to tell

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somebody, you know what this month was something my daughter

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graduated. My grandchildren did this. The dog did if we you

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know, stuff that I wouldn't normally tell people, right? Or

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I could say, or this month was really hard, and can I do you

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have a moment? Can I tell you about it? And somebody's

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listening? We don't get that. We don't get that enough when we're

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remote right now, and it's tough, and it's and that's why

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we used to like to go to our mailbox, and I think you're

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snowed in, but down here, down down here in the South and in

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Virginia Beach, you know, we'll see people walking their dog out

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front or, you know, we'll go to the mailbox. Hey, how are you?

Janice Porter:

We get caught up. But I feel their energy. And when we have a

Janice Porter:

real conversation, it's really

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true. And I think, okay, so when I first met

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you on Zoom. I could feel your energy. So I can feel it because

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you're outgoing and you're bubbly, and, you know, we think

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alike. So I could tell that right away. And I think you have

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to be a good judge of character to be able to do that number one

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and and so I feel like I just had my tarot cards read online,

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like this woman was amazing. And in fact, I won it at a meeting

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in the fall, in in December or November, which is the meeting I

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was telling you about. So she does like prizes and stuff

Janice Porter:

that's kind of fun. Anyway, she was very much energy driven

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through the zoom, which was, you know, that's her things, this

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woman that did that. Okay, but so when we're networking online,

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and we go into these breakout rooms, and there they are really

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kind of superficial, I think what's really important.

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Important is to be able to pick up on the people you you're

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curious enough about to want to know more, and then do that

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follow up that's so important that you mentioned, and book

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that one on one, so you can actually dive a little bit

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deeper with people, because that's the only way you're going

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to develop any kind of relationship.

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Totally agree. And one of the things I

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love to do, like, if we're on virtual, is I listen big thing.

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Everybody needs to listen right now, right? And that's why

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podcasts are so great, because people don't want they don't

Janice Porter:

they don't need the visual like we do. And I'm listening to see

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what are the responses somebody makes, what is their energy

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level? Because we can do an energy check on like, you know,

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did were they kind to that person? Did they respond

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favorably? Did they get defensive when they when the

Janice Porter:

speaker said something, I mean, so we can pick up. And then I go

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over to the private chat, and then I tell them specifically,

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I'm like, Hey, Holly, loved your comment about this kind of

Janice Porter:

engagement. Or, Hey Steve, I never knew that about House

Janice Porter:

buying. You know that's really profound. You're really good at

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what you do. It's nice to meet you. I'm not asking anything,

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but I'm just getting on their radar, showing listening that's

Janice Porter:

and then in the private chat. But just don't write to somebody

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into because then it gets weird. If we just go into and I've had

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people do this too in the chat go, Hey, I'm glad you're here,

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or I liked what you said. I'm like about what I mean, because

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we've been talking for an hour. It's like,

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yes, yes.

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Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Talk with specificity, just like you

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would in person. You wouldn't just walk up to somebody after

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you've been in a meeting for an hour and then walk across the

Janice Porter:

room and just go, Hey, Janice, I liked what you said. You'd be

Janice Porter:

like that, or I wouldn't just stand there and go, Hey, how are

Janice Porter:

you today? I mean, you'd go, Great. How are you? I mean, you

Janice Porter:

know, I I would probably start with something softer, like

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that, like, hey, you know what? I love those glasses. That's one

Janice Porter:

of my favorite is the tortoise, tortoise rims and stuff. You're

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really stylish, you know what? What brought you here today? So

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I would, I would compliment you, and then I would, then I would

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give you an answer to come back to me, and then, oh, I came here

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today because, so I'd make it easy for you to start talking to

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me. When we just directly ask people how they are. That's

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creepy, because it's we, we're like that

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happens in the grocery store, right? Hey, I

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say, well, not doing very well today, but that's okay. And just

Janice Porter:

to see if they've listened, yeah, they don't listen to the

Janice Porter:

answer anyway. So, so when you do, you mostly speak corporately

Janice Porter:

or like, in associations, things like that, is it, do you like to

Janice Porter:

get into the bigger corporations? I

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: am I so I speak a lot for universities

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and major major events. So I keynote speak it. What's

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interesting, though, is entrepreneurs are drawn to me,

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and I guess it's because, maybe of my corporate training and

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strategy, and then I've been out here for six years running the

Janice Porter:

Red Hawk consulting, but I have a lot of service industry, and

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then, of course, a lot of MLM that over the years I've gotten

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to know them. And I think multi layer marketing is a wonderful

Janice Porter:

world out there. It's, it's, it's a good fit for everybody,

Janice Porter:

but it's interesting how many people will start in as an

Janice Porter:

entrepreneur, for example, and they'll go launch their

Janice Porter:

business, and that's basically what MLM does, too. But they'll

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go out there, and then all of a sudden they realize, you know

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what, I don't have any training how to talk to people, or I

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don't I don't really know what's working or it's not working, so

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I'm just going to follow whatever my leader tells me that

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I should do, or my boss. And I remember being in corporate

Janice Porter:

Janice, and my boss telling me to go out and follow up with the

Janice Porter:

surgeons in the area, and this is how I would approach them.

Janice Porter:

And I'm thinking, if I did that, if someone came and knocked on

Janice Porter:

my office practice and wanted I would be like, no, go away. So I

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just went okay, and then I would go out there and launch programs

Janice Porter:

doing the way I would, and I would approach it from

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relationship marketing, which is what your whole show is about.

Janice Porter:

It's like, you know, I would, I would try to figure out, well,

Janice Porter:

we, you know, what is the thing you need? Doctor, you know, what

Janice Porter:

is what you know? How can my big company help your company and

Janice Porter:

make your life easier? And, of course, now, in in entrepreneur

Janice Porter:

world, we call that pains. But in the corporate world, we

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didn't call it pain. We would just say, what are your

Janice Porter:

challenges? And then we would try to do like the strength,

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weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Remember the old SWAT

Janice Porter:

s, w, o, t thing, so I would do a SWAT study on them and but it

Janice Porter:

was basically about asking and probing. And then it was

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interesting, because you get different answers between the

Janice Porter:

senior leaders and the people actually doing the work. And

Janice Porter:

then I would have to develop, like, a hybrid approach, so

Janice Porter:

planning and strategy. So, yeah, this is that that all has to go

Janice Porter:

into relationship building. You've got to have a plan.

Janice Porter:

You've got to know before you get to an event. Who, in fact.

Janice Porter:

That's one of the things that I'm just posting recently. Is

Janice Porter:

like, before you even get to an event, you should know basically

Janice Porter:

what the people are. If you don't know, go look at prior

Janice Porter:

events, scroll through, look at who's made comments on it. Look

Janice Porter:

at the images, or go into LinkedIn, check out with it. And

Janice Porter:

I know you're huge on LinkedIn. I mean, you can learn more on

Janice Porter:

just who's connected with who on LinkedIn and who's making

Janice Porter:

comments. Making comments. And then by the time we go to like,

Janice Porter:

a chamber event or a rotary or a huge Institute presentation, we

Janice Porter:

know, like, you know what? Here's the people that are on

Janice Porter:

the board. Here's their followers. I'm probably going to

Janice Porter:

bump into them. I'd really like to meet Joe, Jane and Jeff,

Janice Porter:

right? And I'm sure you do that.

Janice Porter:

This is exactly what I was talking about on a

Janice Porter:

podcast that I was being interviewed on yesterday. And

Janice Porter:

this gentleman is he was on my podcast. He will be, and we've

Janice Porter:

already done the interview, but he is a networker as well. And

Janice Porter:

we were talking about, I said, the five people I want to meet

Janice Porter:

at a networking event are the organizer, the registration

Janice Porter:

people or person big time, the

Janice Porter:

the speaker and the two people who are the biggest hubs in the

Janice Porter:

room, so they are the connectors, right? And those are

Janice Porter:

the people I want to meet, but I need to have done my homework,

Janice Porter:

just like you said. So you go with intention. And somebody

Janice Porter:

said, or this gentleman said to me something about someone else

Janice Porter:

had said to him, if she wants to meet four people, she takes four

Janice Porter:

business cards. And I said, I don't take any business cards. I

Janice Porter:

want your business card because now I'm in control and I'm a

Janice Porter:

control freak, so I want to be able to follow up, not wait for

Janice Porter:

them to follow up. What's your take on that? Nice

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: I love that and it. And for those that

Janice Porter:

are listening that that don't understand why you wanted to

Janice Porter:

meet the people, the receptionist and then the

Janice Porter:

organizer of events, one of the best ways. And let's go back to

Janice Porter:

the top of the hour when we were talking about being memorable

Janice Porter:

you want to have one of the best ways is to compliment somebody,

Janice Porter:

and just like you would do if you went to their home. Thank

Janice Porter:

you so much for inviting me. Thank you for putting together

Janice Porter:

such a well organized event. I really liked the insert the

Janice Porter:

blank. And when you tell somebody, is that in and I'm

Janice Porter:

sure there's people that are listening that have put on big

Janice Porter:

events, and let me tell you, there's a lot of work that goes

Janice Porter:

into it, and people think it just magically happens. And when

Janice Porter:

somebody walks up and goes, and I love the little details of

Janice Porter:

what you did on the table, and then the little this, and then

Janice Porter:

that, and you're that event person, you are going to be

Janice Porter:

their instant friend. Same thing with the speaker when you're

Janice Porter:

talking specificity. So you nailed it there. Janice with you

Janice Porter:

tell them exactly why they're so good, what you liked about them,

Janice Porter:

and don't ask anything from them, but make sure they know

Janice Porter:

your name. So, and I always wear, I have a magnetic name

Janice Porter:

badge, which is my name on there, but I give them something

Janice Porter:

to remember. So it's, you know. So, like, maybe I'll, I'll shake

Janice Porter:

my long red hair, and I'll say, hey, you know the Red Hawk, you

Janice Porter:

know. And Elizabeth, I live in Virginia, like, Queen Elizabeth,

Janice Porter:

you know, who was the queen of Virginia? Oh, okay, but I give

Janice Porter:

them some hook to remember by or then the next time, the other

Janice Porter:

thing I would say, too, is that, because we really didn't get to

Janice Porter:

talk about that if we want to be memorable those people that we

Janice Porter:

just did that with, next time we remind them about something they

Janice Porter:

told us, that's one of the how's the puppy doing?

Janice Porter:

That's an art that is a huge art, I know, and

Janice Porter:

it also means that to make it not look like an art left that

Janice Porter:

event. You get to your car, you may have their business cards

Janice Porter:

now, you write this back of your card and put it in your Yeah, in

Janice Porter:

your CRM, or your Yeah,

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: you're flipping it over, yeah, just,

Janice Porter:

just got a rescue dog. Daughter won the soccer championship. You

Janice Porter:

know, wife, wife is in the hospital, you know? I mean,

Janice Porter:

yeah, you write, you write stuff on there, I mean, and that's the

Janice Porter:

next time you fall. Oh, and the other thing too, because I know

Janice Porter:

you're really big with following up with, with the cards and, and

Janice Porter:

I have done for years too, is, you know, if there's a

Janice Porter:

milestone, you you send them a card in the mail, you you ask

Janice Porter:

for their address, or you get it and you send it to their

Janice Porter:

business and that and or if you don't have that, then you send

Janice Porter:

them a phone call and just leave. Hey, you know, we met at

Janice Porter:

the other event, you know, two weeks ago. I just wanted to

Janice Porter:

follow up. You know, Is your mom doing okay? I knew you were

Janice Porter:

really worried the last time I saw you. You know, are things

Janice Porter:

going better? But you don't bring a business just hey, just

Janice Porter:

now you may want to say, are you going to the such and such event

Janice Porter:

again, because I'm thinking, I might want to go next month, you

Janice Porter:

know. And do you think that's a good fit for me? And then so

Janice Porter:

and, but don't talk anything about what you need. So, right?

Janice Porter:

But

Janice Porter:

what you've done is you've asked a question to

Janice Porter:

elicit further engagement, which I absolutely love, and

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: you're showing that you value their

Janice Porter:

input. Like, do you think this would be a good fit for me to

Janice Porter:

come? Back to or somebody said, I should also think about this.

Janice Porter:

I'll do that with speaking engagements, you know, I'll

Janice Porter:

finish speaking one, and I'll say, let me know where else I

Janice Porter:

should be. And then when people come up there, that gives me an

Janice Porter:

opportunity to call back and say, I know you told me that

Janice Porter:

this would be a good fit, and I followed up on that. Then some,

Janice Porter:

one of your other colleagues said this, do you think that's a

Janice Porter:

good place now that you've heard me present, because then it

Janice Porter:

shows that I'm listening to them, that I see them as an

Janice Porter:

expert, right?

Janice Porter:

These are all gems that you're talking about.

Janice Porter:

They're gems. They really are. You know, I find that when I'm

Janice Porter:

doing my LinkedIn training, when I get past the the profile piece

Janice Porter:

and we get into messaging strategies, I do still, I find

Janice Porter:

so many people say to me, Well, what should I say in that

Janice Porter:

message? Right? You know, and even with the cards, when I'm

Janice Porter:

teaching people how to make sending cards a habit, and I was

Janice Porter:

doing this with a woman yesterday, and she's an MLM

Janice Porter:

person, and I love her, and she's had an account for a long

Janice Porter:

time, but doesn't use it, and she says, Okay, this is a year.

Janice Porter:

I'm going to use it. And I said to her, the best thing you can

Janice Porter:

do is make it a habit to say to yourself every day, who needs to

Janice Porter:

hear from me today? Yes, it doesn't matter if you've spoken

Janice Porter:

to them recently. Maybe you saw them on Facebook, mate and

Janice Porter:

something happened. Whatever it is, you need to send at least

Janice Porter:

one card, preferably three cards a day, because it becomes a

Janice Porter:

habit, and it becomes easier as you do it. And again, it's, what

Janice Porter:

do I say? And I said, Well, that's going to come, you know,

Janice Porter:

we'll we, I help them to start with, but I'm just trying to

Janice Porter:

make it a habit for them. So it's all thinking

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: of you. It's always a good start. I'm

Janice Porter:

thinking of we

Janice Porter:

have the beauty now of being able to say, just

Janice Porter:

send a postcard where you've put a photo from Facebook of them on

Janice Porter:

the front of it and on the back say something like celebrating

Janice Porter:

you fridge worthy, you know, photo memory. It had to happen.

Janice Porter:

That's it. And you don't even have a full sentence.

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: So we just finished the holiday, I

Janice Porter:

actually picked up the phone and I called people and thanked them

Janice Porter:

or texted them for their Christmas cards, because I

Janice Porter:

usually always send out. And then, of course, I mentioned to

Janice Porter:

you that, you know, we were, we were tied up with the covid

Janice Porter:

stuff. But I think texting is another good thing if you know,

Janice Porter:

people aren't into, you know, the actual, the the transaction

Janice Porter:

of trying to get a card out, start with texting, start

Janice Porter:

somewhere that you're used to practicing your skills with. And

Janice Porter:

the reason why I like that too, though, is that because then

Janice Porter:

when you I keep the text in a chain, and I will go back,

Janice Porter:

because it's amazing how short our memory can be, and it will

Janice Porter:

be like, I will look back four months ago, and I'll go, Oh,

Janice Porter:

wow. I You know what? I bet the daughter is about ready to

Janice Porter:

deliver now, you know, or, or her son is now going into

Janice Porter:

finally going to school or, but my memory, and I have a good

Janice Porter:

memory, but that's sometimes I'll go back and and some of

Janice Porter:

them, like, goes back for years and stuff. When I did my book

Janice Porter:

launch a couple months ago, texting was a huge, huge way for

Janice Porter:

me to immediately it was more personal. Of course, I did

Janice Porter:

formal, you know, like I did all the social media and everything

Janice Porter:

but texting and phone calls, when your voice is engaged, it

Janice Porter:

just changes. You can also hit audio message on your texting so

Janice Porter:

like on your DM messages, a lot of people will go into

Janice Porter:

Instagram, they'll hit they'll go to DM me, and then they just

Janice Porter:

hold it down, and then record a short snippet to me, and it tell

Janice Porter:

you what, when, when you're not, when you're not having the best

Janice Porter:

day. And then you, all of a sudden, you hear somebody's

Janice Porter:

voice, and they say something like, Hey, you doing okay? I

Janice Porter:

haven't for me in a while, like, I'm just checking in, like,

Janice Porter:

because you did, you all just hear how many different

Janice Porter:

inflections I had on that that's entirely different than reading,

Janice Porter:

Hi, I'm just checking in. Hope you're doing well, right? I

Janice Porter:

mean, it's so we all need to hear the voice. If we get can't

Janice Porter:

see the body, well, you can

Janice Porter:

take it one step further. You can even on

Janice Porter:

LinkedIn, and you can send a video message. I need to

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: start doing that. Oh, you're gonna

Janice Porter:

have to show me how master everybody

Janice Porter:

that's been around for a little while. And

Janice Porter:

I've done that where I haven't talked to someone for a while, I

Janice Porter:

sent a video message, and in this particular mortgage broker

Janice Porter:

that I'm thinking of immediately sent me a message back and said,

Janice Porter:

How did you do that? And then he figured it out and sent me one

Janice Porter:

because it was a standout from the list of messages.

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: Girlfriend, you just like. That was just the

Janice Porter:

explosion moment. So if everybody you didn't get

Janice Porter:

anything else today, you got you gotta go try that new tool out

Janice Porter:

there, and

Janice Porter:

you're so sweet. Now, okay, we're wrapping up a

Janice Porter:

little bit. No, I want to give a little bit of time to two

Janice Porter:

things. One, I want to ask you, I know, you just wrote a book

Janice Porter:

and a new book, and it's, I love having the actual book, you

Janice Porter:

know, make notes in it, and and things. Like that, which I've

Janice Porter:

started to do in the chapter that I got to first, which was

Janice Porter:

the middle of the book, for some reason anyway. And actually the

Janice Porter:

chapter title was how to be a magnet to true friends, be the

Janice Porter:

real deal. And so much of what you talked about today speaks to

Janice Porter:

that, you know, being authentic, paying attention, listening so

Janice Porter:

that you can show that you are, you know, speaking from your

Janice Porter:

heart, because that's really what I think it's about when you

Janice Porter:

when you want to build friendships with people as as

Janice Porter:

you do. Where was I going with that? Oh, so what is your

Janice Porter:

preferred method of gathering information these days? Is it

Janice Porter:

reading a real book? Is it audio books? Is it podcasts? Is it

Janice Porter:

videos, on YouTube? What do you do the most? Where do you what's

Janice Porter:

your first go to you

Unknown:

know, I love articles under accredited sources. So you

Unknown:

know, coming from a clinical world, we were all about white

Unknown:

papers and valid sources. So online, I will look for articles

Unknown:

that are current. So I stay up to date. I still, I still do

Unknown:

love a good book, for example. And this is kind of an older

Unknown:

one, but loneliness by John Cacioppo is one of the ones that

Unknown:

I'm going through right now because we are in a loneliness

Unknown:

epidemic right now, and that's what I speak to, the power of

Unknown:

connecting. I like books, though, because, as you can see,

Unknown:

I go through and I highlight what I do, and I saw you have

Unknown:

the dovetails on my book there collecting true friends is I

Unknown:

highlight stuff, I tag it, and then I work that back into my

Unknown:

speeches, back into my conversations with people,

Unknown:

because I I'm very curious, and I like to share what I learn.

Unknown:

And I think like, for example, one of the things I learned is

Unknown:

loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So

Unknown:

when somebody is lonely, truly lonely, it physically declines

Unknown:

their health. So to me that, like, that's a stat that when I

Unknown:

read it, that I had to learn more about it. So I do like

Unknown:

podcasts. I've become a real fan of them. Obviously, this last

Unknown:

year. Now that I'm out there, I'm guessing on so many and and

Unknown:

I'm recommending so many, like, I'm recommending yours out but,

Unknown:

yeah, I love the tactileness and stuff. It's there's just

Unknown:

something about it. Throw it in my throw it in my handbag. And,

Unknown:

yeah, I'm not big on Kindle. I don't need extra

Janice Porter:

light. Well, I agree, and I find though, that

Janice Porter:

what's happened as I've gotten older, though, is my attention

Janice Porter:

span is shorter, and sometimes I find myself even though I prefer

Janice Porter:

to read a, you know, a real book, I unless I've got

Janice Porter:

something in my hand to do that, I'll lose concentration faster,

Janice Porter:

so I have to be careful, right? So, pardon me, yeah, exactly. So

Janice Porter:

I'm almost so busy doing 14 things at once. Okay, last

Janice Porter:

question, and you already spoke to this actually, and I think

Janice Porter:

may have answered part of it. It's a two part question, and my

Janice Porter:

favorite word is curiosity, and and I, I want to know if you

Janice Porter:

think curiosity is innate or learned. And second part, what

Janice Porter:

are you most curious about today, which you may have

Janice Porter:

already answered, but you're you can certainly answer it again if

Janice Porter:

you want to Sure, sure,

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: I think curiosity is innate, and I have

Janice Porter:

been accused of being the world's most curious person

Janice Porter:

since I was old enough to walk. What's this? What's that? And I

Janice Porter:

was probably that annoying kid that put everything in her mouth

Janice Porter:

so that, because remember back then, we were tasting and

Janice Porter:

learning everything so and I actually made a, yeah, in fact,

Janice Porter:

I know I did that because I had a mud Tea Party and ended up at

Janice Porter:

the hospital when I was three years old. I thought that would

Janice Porter:

be great, you know, like to serve and eat mud so, so, yeah,

Janice Porter:

there's, there's a vulnerable moment for your listeners. So I

Janice Porter:

do think it's innate, and as we're children, I think that it

Janice Porter:

also goes up until into our 20s. This is what I would tell your

Janice Porter:

listeners, and I want them to really, really put their

Janice Porter:

thinking gear on. And trust me, when I say this, I also do

Janice Porter:

believe you can learn it however it's harder. So if you find

Janice Porter:

that, you're just going to dismiss that out, just like I've

Janice Porter:

had so many people in business say, Oh, I'm just terrible at

Janice Porter:

names. Elizabeth, I'm not no good at that. I'm like, stop

Janice Porter:

that. It is time right now that you do not ever say that to

Janice Porter:

somebody again, because what you just said to them is, I'm not

Janice Porter:

interested in learning your name ever, which means I don't want

Janice Porter:

to know you. So it's the same thing when somebody tells me,

Janice Porter:

Janice, that they're, you know, well, you're so curious. And I

Janice Porter:

just, I'm not that curious about stuff. I like to challenge them

Janice Porter:

back and say, you can learn to be more curious. Because here's

Janice Porter:

the thing, you need to have smarter people around you. If

Janice Porter:

you are the smartest person, and we've all heard this before, but

Janice Porter:

if you're the smartest person around you, all day long, I got

Janice Porter:

news for you all, you're going to. Come out at a certain age,

Janice Porter:

and you got to rise in your curiosity, because you got to

Janice Porter:

start saying, Well, what don't I know? And if we don't ever do

Janice Porter:

that, then your intellect is going to be tapped out. Say it,

Janice Porter:

and I'm going to make up a number, but maybe 40. So I do

Janice Porter:

believe it starts out in eight. I do believe that some of us

Janice Porter:

have a head start on it, like mine. I don't know why I've

Janice Porter:

always been insatiably curious and stuff, but I do also believe

Janice Porter:

that if you are not learning something every day,

Janice Porter:

particularly from every person, new stranger that you meet, even

Janice Porter:

if you think they're boring, make it a personal challenge and

Janice Porter:

say to yourself, I'm going to learn one new thing from this

Janice Porter:

person that I think there's not possibly anything he or she

Janice Porter:

could ever teach me, show me, tell me about. And you will be

Janice Porter:

surprised if you start challenging yourself, you will,

Janice Porter:

you will teach yourself that the thing I'm most curious about,

Janice Porter:

and I actually remember part two of your question, Part D, is, I

Janice Porter:

want to know, I want to know what it's going to take for the

Janice Porter:

world to really understand and how to become better friends to

Janice Porter:

one another. And that's why I did write collecting true

Janice Porter:

friends, because I was shocked how many people really don't

Janice Porter:

understand the mechanics. There are mechanics, just like in

Janice Porter:

networking, there's mechanics and logistics that if you follow

Janice Porter:

a certain methodology, and that's covered in the book, if

Janice Porter:

they do it Janice, then they can be amazing friends, and they can

Janice Porter:

have amazing friends. So I'm just curious and amazed. I just

Janice Porter:

stand in awe that when people tell me, like, I've never had a

Janice Porter:

great friend, people that people don't stay in my life long. I

Janice Porter:

just kind of step back and I get really curious on that. And

Janice Porter:

then, of course, you know, being the world's most curious person

Janice Porter:

over here, then I have to say, Well, tell me about that. And

Janice Porter:

then when I dig deeper, that's when the great conversations

Janice Porter:

start. But I just don't understand why with, you know,

Janice Porter:

billions of people on the planet. I mean, if they say that

Janice Porter:

with that, we have what 20 different possible soul mates

Janice Porter:

that could be. You know, we could romantically get linked up

Janice Porter:

with why doesn't everybody have an amazing inner circle? So

Janice Porter:

that's my thing. I'm so curious about it's like, you don't have

Janice Porter:

to be lonely. And I, and my slogan is, a life lacking

Janice Porter:

friends is totally fixable.

Janice Porter:

There were just so many gems in that last Oh, my

Janice Porter:

goodness, thank you so much. You know, I remember trying to I

Janice Porter:

have two daughters, one of them is very outgoing and much like

Janice Porter:

me, and a type personality and talks to everybody and anybody,

Janice Porter:

which I think comes from my mother, bless her, because she

Janice Porter:

did too and cared about everybody. My mother used to

Janice Porter:

send postcards from vacation to the butcher, you know, like

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: everybody, I bet she got great rose.

Janice Porter:

My other daughter is more introverted, and she's

Janice Porter:

bigger challenge for me because she's not like me. But, you

Janice Porter:

know, she'll say, Mom, I don't care. And I'll say, Well, why

Janice Porter:

don't you care? You have to care. And then the other piece I

Janice Porter:

always say to her is, you know, to have a good friend, you need

Janice Porter:

to be a good friend. And that's, I think, a great place to to

Janice Porter:

end, because I know collecting true friends, your book is all

Janice Porter:

about that, and about how to be that true friend to people and

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: and who, who's worthy of it that. So

Janice Porter:

the subtitle is, be a magnet to those worthy. Yes, I'm in

Janice Porter:

devotion because, Janice, I'm throwing it out there too. Not

Janice Porter:

everybody's worthy of you, and it's okay for us to be bold

Janice Porter:

enough, it's not being mean, but, but you've got amazing

Janice Porter:

listeners, and if you just haven't had the relationships

Janice Porter:

and friendships you wanted in the past, it's because those

Janice Porter:

people were not worthy of you, and it's time that you start

Janice Porter:

attracting, be a magnet to those that are worthy, and then

Janice Porter:

likewise, be worthy of them. And all of a sudden, the whole world

Janice Porter:

changes.

Janice Porter:

So true. This has been such a delight. Elizabeth,

Janice Porter:

my pleasure. So much for being my guest. I will put it in the

Janice Porter:

show notes, but just tell me where people can find you. Oh,

Janice Porter:

absolutely.

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: So if they'd like to get hold of the

Janice Porter:

book, it's collecting true friends.com. Is easy to go to,

Janice Porter:

and then I'd love for them to I'd love to connect with me at

Janice Porter:

my website. Elizabeth Duncan hawker.com, so it's Elizabeth,

Janice Porter:

D, u n, c, a, n, Hawker, H, A, W, k, e, r.com, but if it's

Janice Porter:

easier, just go to collecting true friends.com and you can

Janice Porter:

find me there. I know my name's kind of long, and that's okay,

Janice Porter:

so wonderful and and I do really believe, and I will say it

Janice Porter:

again, a life lacking friends is totally fixable, so do not be

Janice Porter:

lonely in life. Find great friends, have great

Janice Porter:

relationships, enjoy yourself. And you know, it's there's

Janice Porter:

people out there that want to, want to be worthy of you. So

Janice Porter:

it's especially right now there's a lot of lonely people.

Janice Porter:

Let's help that. Thanks, Janice, thank

Janice Porter:

you. So much for being here and to my audience,

Janice Porter:

thank you again for listening. If you liked what you heard,

Janice Porter:

please leave a review. We love positive reviews and let us know

Janice Porter:

that we can bring you more of the same. I have a feeling I

Janice Porter:

need to have Elizabeth back a second time to continue the

Janice Porter:

conversation. So remember, stay connected and be remembered

Janice Porter:

Elizabeth Duncan-Hawker: beautiful.

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About the Podcast

Relationships Rule
It’s always about Relationships!
Imagine that 68% of our clients leave because they feel we don’t care. Then visualize having authentic heart-based retention strategies, proven to minimize client losses, while organically generating a substantial number of loyal clients through referrals.

Catch a glimpse of how Janice opens a conversation by applying her fine-tuned curiosity. Notice how genuinely interested she is in building a relationship with her guests – heart-based business owners and entrepreneurs. In mere minutes, guests generously share their most sweet and powerful retention systems that you can adopt today!

As a seasoned relationship marketing specialist, Janice invites us to listen in weekly, as she reveals how to nurture and build relationships in real-time.

The Relationships Rule podcast’s aim, is to help you naturally ease your networking fears, so you can adopt strategies that amplify your client list, because the facts are, that today, success is built on a foundation of strong relationships. You can relax now, knowing you can activate your relationship marketing plan, by simply tuning in to Relationships Rule each week.

About your host

Profile picture for Janice Porter

Janice Porter

I began my career as a teacher, was a corporate trainer for many years, and have now found my niche in coaching business owners to network at a world-class level.
My passion is working with motivated people, who are coachable and who want to build their businesses through relationship marketing and networking (offline & online). I help my clients create retention strategies, grow through referrals, and create loyal customers by staying connected.