Episode 225

full
Published on:

26th Sep 2023

Get Out of the Rabbit Hole | RR225

In a world where self-doubt can often hold us back, this episode is your guide to unlocking the power within you. Join me as I reconnect with one of my very first interviewees on the show - Alla Bardov, the author of Get Out of the Rabbit Hole. Alla shares insights from her book and provides actionable strategies for you to boost your confidence.

If you've ever wondered how to silence the nagging voice of self-doubt and radiate your confidence, then this episode is for you! We're here to help you take the first step towards a more confident and fulfilling life.

In this episode you will learn:

  • The Power of Visualization - dress matters
  • Impact of Compliments on Confidence
  • How to accept a compliment
  • Confidence can be learned, practiced and mastered
  • Visualization drives action plan
  • Visualization is a huge part in anything you want to accomplish
  • 5 Strategies to Boost Confidence

Learn about Alla: https://sellyourself4success.com/

Get Out of the Rabbit Hole: https://getoutoftherabbithole.com/

A little about me:

I began my career as a teacher, was a corporate trainer for many years, and then found my niche training & supporting business owners, entrepreneurs & sales professionals to network at a world-class level. My passion is working with motivated people, who are coachable and who want to build their businesses through relationship marketing and networking (online & offline). I help my clients create retention strategies, grow through referrals, and create loyal customers by staying connected.


In appreciation for being here, I have a couple of gifts for you.

A LinkedIn Checklist for setting up your fully optimized Profile: https://www.janiceporter.com/linkedin-training.html

An opportunity to test drive the Follow Up system I recommend by sending a FREE greeting card (on me): www.sendacardeverytime.com


Connect with me:

http://JanicePorter.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/janiceporter/

https://www.facebook.com/JanicePorterBiz

https://twitter.com/janiceporter


Join our Relationships Rule community on FB here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipsrule/


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Transcript
Janice Porter:

Hi, everyone, and welcome to this episode of

Janice Porter:

relationships rule. This is another one of those occasions

Janice Porter:

that is really special because when I first started out with my

Janice Porter:

podcast early on, I, I probably didn't know what I was doing.

Janice Porter:

But anyway, I got started. And I just jumped in and I did my

Janice Porter:

podcast. And I know that things have improved as I've gone

Janice Porter:

along. And so one of the things that's really fun is to be able

Janice Porter:

to bring someone back to my podcast for a second interview,

Janice Porter:

who was in that first batch of, of interviews that I did. And so

Janice Porter:

today, I have a special guest one of those people, Allah bar

Janice Porter:

dog, first of all, welcome to the show, Allah.

Alla Bardov:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for

Alla Bardov:

having me. It's a pleasure and an honor to be on your podcast.

Alla Bardov:

Yes,

Janice Porter:

it's my pleasure. And what's so special is I went

Janice Porter:

back and looked at the first time you were on the show, which

Janice Porter:

was actually over three years ago, I can't believe it, it was

Janice Porter:

over three years ago. And we had just met not long before that,

Janice Porter:

at an event in Salt Lake City, actually. And you were in the

Janice Porter:

midst of your sales career. And a really going strong with your

Janice Porter:

sale, selling for success. I think it's called selling for

Janice Porter:

success. Sell yourself for success. I knew I had it wrong,

Janice Porter:

sell yourself for success, and all the programs that go with

Janice Porter:

it. And I know that you're still doing that. But I thought that

Janice Porter:

this was a special occasion because she's written a book.

Janice Porter:

And the book is called Get out of the rabbit hole, building

Janice Porter:

confidence to overcome self doubt, improve performance and

Janice Porter:

reach your potential. And for me, that seemed like a perfect

Janice Porter:

time for you to come on the show, because you stepped it up

Janice Porter:

now to the next level as well, with your book and everything

Janice Porter:

that goes along with it. So congratulations, first of all.

Janice Porter:

Thank you, James. You're welcome. And second, now I want

Janice Porter:

to talk about it. So I want to know, first of all, how you got

Janice Porter:

the title for the book, because I love the title get out of the

Janice Porter:

rabbit hole. And I'm always that hole. So I get it, but I want

Janice Porter:

you to come tell me about it. Oh,

Alla Bardov:

well didn't expect you to that would be the first

Alla Bardov:

thing Oh, really? Okay,

Janice Porter:

well, you never know. Right?

Alla Bardov:

I am happy to talk about the title. Um, so there

Alla Bardov:

are 12 chapters in the book. And they're all a really independent

Alla Bardov:

chapter. But the main chapter, which is chapter six, six,

Alla Bardov:

that's in the middle of the book, it actually describes a

Alla Bardov:

relationship I had once with a close and trusted friend. And

Alla Bardov:

for the book purposes, we named her Carol. And so Carol's words

Alla Bardov:

that I replayed daily, in my mind caused me to doubt myself,

Alla Bardov:

and actually sent my thoughts down the rabbit hole. So the

Alla Bardov:

name of the book is get out of the rabbit hole, building

Alla Bardov:

confidence to overcome self doubt, improve performance and

Alla Bardov:

reach your potential. And often we don't even realize how the

Alla Bardov:

words of those that we trust affect our actions. And they

Alla Bardov:

really, ultimately affect the goals that we set out to

Alla Bardov:

achieve. And so we all have people like that in our lives.

Alla Bardov:

And you know, for every negative experience, we can turn it

Alla Bardov:

around and make it into a positive experience. It does

Alla Bardov:

take time and effort. But for me, the positive was that made

Alla Bardov:

me realize that I shouldn't let negative people take my thoughts

Alla Bardov:

down the rabbit hole. And I had to figure out how to get out,

Alla Bardov:

which took a long time. And that's another reason I wrote

Alla Bardov:

the book. I wanted to help other people not to go down the same

Alla Bardov:

path. And I provided the tools necessary to take their thoughts

Alla Bardov:

redirect them so that they don't go down the rabbit hole.

Janice Porter:

Oh, yeah. And it does take a lot of effort to.

Janice Porter:

Again, I often come back to this phrase that one of my mentors

Janice Porter:

whom you know, Cody Bateman, always the story in your mind

Janice Porter:

becomes the story of your life. So you've got to change the

Janice Porter:

story in your mind, right? And in this this exactly what you're

Janice Porter:

talking about changing it from the negative influence to a

Janice Porter:

positive influence. And it's just a switch, but it isn't just

Janice Porter:

a switch, right? It takes

Alla Bardov:

it takes a really long time. It takes a really

Alla Bardov:

long time. And you know, the interesting thing that Carol's

Alla Bardov:

you know, there's Carol in the book, but Carol's and the lives

Alla Bardov:

don't always show up in our 40s or 50s. You know, we could we

Alla Bardov:

could be carrying something that maybe a parent said or a coach,

Alla Bardov:

or maybe you know, a teacher and they they might not have even

Alla Bardov:

meant it they could have said it out of anger. And maybe they

Alla Bardov:

said you know you're not good enough. You'll never make

Alla Bardov:

anything out of yourself. And you carry these words in your

Alla Bardov:

mind and they really anytime you encounter a challenge these

Alla Bardov:

words ring and they set you back and if we don't have the

Alla Bardov:

strategies, how to deal with them. It's Very difficult to

Alla Bardov:

succeed. And like I said, you don't have to be in your

Alla Bardov:

40s 50s. I mean, you could be, you know, when you were 18.

Janice Porter:

Yeah, exactly. And it's just something that

Janice Porter:

stayed with you a long time. So I love the way you have laid the

Janice Porter:

book out. And in each chapter, you tell a story, a personal

Janice Porter:

story, that then you give the audience, the reader the

Janice Porter:

strategies for, for making these things work, like how you got

Janice Porter:

out of it. And then so it ranges from, which I thought was really

Janice Porter:

funny. And entertaining in the chapter about dress matters,

Janice Porter:

which was chapter three, no, yes. Yeah. Chapter Three. Yes,

Janice Porter:

yeah. Because I, this goes back a long time, right. And it's all

Janice Porter:

about first impressions, right? And you can maybe share a little

Janice Porter:

bit of it with us, because I think the strategies are great.

Alla Bardov:

Thank you. And I'm just gonna take it for a second.

Alla Bardov:

And as you said, every chapter has a personal story. And in

Alla Bardov:

each through each, through each story, you know, people can

Alla Bardov:

relate. And people can say, hey, they can transpose themselves

Alla Bardov:

into themselves into my story. And they said, I've been there,

Alla Bardov:

I understand. And strategies fade, but stories stay. So they

Alla Bardov:

might forget the strategies. But if they remember the stories,

Alla Bardov:

don't remember the strategies. But the big thing, we always

Alla Bardov:

hear so much about dressing up, you know, dress for success, you

Alla Bardov:

hear so much about it? And yes, it is very important. You know,

Alla Bardov:

because whatever you wear, it's it's going to make a first

Alla Bardov:

impression or not, then you only have seconds to make the first

Alla Bardov:

impression. And that's what really people think about, you

Alla Bardov:

know, I need to look good, because I want to make a first

Alla Bardov:

impression, I'm going to this event, but it's not just what

Alla Bardov:

your clothes say about you to other people. It's also what

Alla Bardov:

your clothes say to you. So I always tell people, you know,

Alla Bardov:

you take it's like a, like a gas gauge, and put on and see how

Alla Bardov:

you feel. Don't even worry yet about what IT projects to other

Alla Bardov:

people. But how do you feel. So you might put something on and

Alla Bardov:

you know, it has a high tag price, and maybe it's a brand

Alla Bardov:

name, and you know, that looks good, but if you don't feel

Alla Bardov:

comfortable in it, or if you're going to be demonstrating

Alla Bardov:

something and you're going to raise your arms and your shorts

Alla Bardov:

gonna raise, raise up, you are not going to have that

Alla Bardov:

confidence. So the main point out of the chapter is it's not

Alla Bardov:

just what your clothes say about you, but it's what they say

Janice Porter:

to you. Right? Which is beautiful, because

Janice Porter:

that's the first and foremost thing, right? Because if you

Janice Porter:

don't have that, then you're not going to be confident. Another

Janice Porter:

piece in the book that I loved. And actually what this reminded

Janice Porter:

me of was my mother, and the chapter is complements chapter

Janice Porter:

six, I think it is or no, not chapter chapter five, it's

Janice Porter:

chapter five. says it's a please accept my gift stories. And you

Janice Porter:

have a quote, at the beginning, I get awkward when someone

Janice Porter:

compliments me, they don't know what to say. They say you look

Janice Porter:

pretty today. And when I say Happy Birthday birthday. Yeah,

Janice Porter:

exactly. And they reminded me so much of my mother, because for

Janice Porter:

so many years, my mother did not feel worthy. And you wish she'd

Janice Porter:

always look 100% and loved clothes and love to you know,

Janice Porter:

entertain people. And if you sent her a thank you note, she'd

Janice Porter:

send one back thanking you for the thank you note like this is

Janice Porter:

how she wanted to always it wasn't she was trying to do

Janice Porter:

anything other than just be grateful of the other people.

Janice Porter:

And you, you in the strategies. In this chapter, you talk about

Janice Porter:

how being able to accept a compliment, helps build

Janice Porter:

relationships, and I highlighted this because I want to just read

Janice Porter:

it, when you accept compliments from those who don't know, or

Janice Porter:

don't know, well, you have an opportunity to thank them and

Janice Porter:

start a conversation. Accepting compliments creates the

Janice Porter:

opportunity to develop relationships. And because I'm

Janice Porter:

all about relationships, I that jumped out at me as well as it

Janice Porter:

reminded me of my mother, that story that you told, I thought

Janice Porter:

that this was a really good strategy for relationship

Janice Porter:

building. So I just like to hear your your tests on what you want

Janice Porter:

to share.

Alla Bardov:

So a lot of times when people get a compliment,

Alla Bardov:

and let's just transpose yourself, say we're in a

Alla Bardov:

business meeting, and you're hoping to get the business of

Alla Bardov:

this potential client and the client complements you on

Alla Bardov:

something and you say, Oh, this dress is so old. Oh, I bought

Alla Bardov:

this suit years ago because you're thinking you're

Alla Bardov:

downplaying You're being humble. But in turn, you are not. So the

Alla Bardov:

first there's, there's so many aspects to you not being able to

Alla Bardov:

accept the compliment. The first thing you're doing is, oh my

Alla Bardov:

gosh, I gave them a compliment. And they did not like the dress

Alla Bardov:

or whatever. Now you feel like I have to give them another

Alla Bardov:

compliment. So now you're scrambling What else can I tell?

Alla Bardov:

Say, if it's to Janice, what else can I tell to Janice? Oh,

Alla Bardov:

my gosh, you know, your hair looks great. And so you're

Alla Bardov:

scrambling to find another compliment. And then another

Alla Bardov:

thought is, if you're not worthy to accept the compliment, why

Alla Bardov:

should you be worthy to accept their business. And so if you

Alla Bardov:

just met someone, you're already starting a relationship on the

Alla Bardov:

wrong note. And on a negative note, because you just made the

Alla Bardov:

person who gave you a compliment, you really deflected

Alla Bardov:

that compliment, you kind of knocked it down and put the

Alla Bardov:

other person in a really awkward situation. Well, what do I say

Alla Bardov:

to make Janice feel better? And so but the interesting thing is,

Alla Bardov:

so how does that give you confidence, but knowing what to

Alla Bardov:

do, when somebody gives you a compliment, if you know that,

Alla Bardov:

you just need to accept it, not just that you need to accept it,

Alla Bardov:

you have confidence that already gave you a confidence booster if

Alla Bardov:

we just met. And I give Janice a compliment. And she said, Thank

Alla Bardov:

you, or thank you for your compliment. If you don't know

Alla Bardov:

what to say, or how to accept it, I give many ways. But if you

Alla Bardov:

just say thank you, it means a lot, or thank you for the

Alla Bardov:

compliment. That's literally all you need to say. And now you're

Alla Bardov:

just starting, you're starting this meeting on a positive note,

Alla Bardov:

it's open, it's welcoming, and the other person doesn't feel

Alla Bardov:

like they have to give you another compliment. And also, a

Alla Bardov:

lot of people feel like, once somebody gives you a compliment,

Alla Bardov:

you have to compliment them back. Don't do that, because

Alla Bardov:

that does not come out authentic. Say Oh, I like your

Alla Bardov:

dress. And you said, Well, I like your dress as well. So you

Alla Bardov:

really don't want to do that. But I give these strategies, and

Alla Bardov:

they seem so simple. But But following them will help you

Alla Bardov:

build confidence and improve relationships, as you said. And

Alla Bardov:

the first relationship I think maybe we discussed it a few days

Alla Bardov:

ago, the first relationship that matters most is the relationship

Alla Bardov:

you have with yourself. And if you don't value that

Alla Bardov:

relationship with yourself, if you don't value yourself enough,

Alla Bardov:

then why should anyone else?

Janice Porter:

Exactly. So good. So I think it's an interesting

Janice Porter:

question about confidence. Because I often ask people about

Janice Porter:

curiosity, and is it learned? Or like, is it innate? Or is it

Janice Porter:

learned? And you have a question that came up? That I think is

Janice Porter:

worthy of talking about too, so Can Can somebody? Yes, I think I

Janice Porter:

think they can become confident. I think that's, that's, that's

Janice Porter:

evident in your book, if you follow the strategies to build

Janice Porter:

confidence, I think it works. But are you born with it? Or is

Janice Porter:

it learned? I think that's a different piece. And I'd like to

Janice Porter:

hear your take on them. So we,

Alla Bardov:

you know, throughout our lives, we often

Alla Bardov:

hear people say, you need to be confident, or sometimes we think

Alla Bardov:

when I'm confident or a lot of times you hear parents say you

Alla Bardov:

need to be more confident. Yet no one ever says here's how you

Alla Bardov:

do it. That's another reason why I wrote this book. So the

Alla Bardov:

problem remains, how do you become confident? And the story

Alla Bardov:

if I took you back to Cuba back and you say, well, here I am,

Alla Bardov:

obviously, you can hear my accent. So if you're wondering,

Alla Bardov:

I immigrated to this country when I was 15 years old, I did

Alla Bardov:

not speak a word of English. So how does someone like myself

Alla Bardov:

talks about confidence. And so it was during my college days

Alla Bardov:

that I decided I was studying accounting, and I decided to go

Alla Bardov:

sell vacuum cleaners door to door. That sounds like a fun

Alla Bardov:

thing to do. And I was learning to speak English and and so I

Alla Bardov:

spent a lot of time shadowing other people learning all the

Alla Bardov:

sales skills, and I was so good at it. I can close any sales

Alla Bardov:

that can overcome any objections because I learned the skills

Alla Bardov:

that were tools for me to learn. But then I was missing one

Alla Bardov:

thing. I had a hard time getting through the front door. Once I

Alla Bardov:

was in the door, I had it. So I realized I was missing one

Alla Bardov:

component. And that's that confidence to get through that

Alla Bardov:

front door. And so what I realized is that while if you

Alla Bardov:

wanted to learn how to cook, oh there cookbooks if you wanted to

Alla Bardov:

learn how to drive, you can go take driving lessons, but there

Alla Bardov:

was no there were no instructions on manuals on how

Alla Bardov:

to become confident, and really trying to become confident

Alla Bardov:

without the tools needed was difficult. And that's when my

Alla Bardov:

quest began. On, hey, can you learn confidence? Is that a

Alla Bardov:

learned trait? And so it took me it's been a 30 year journey,

Alla Bardov:

trying to figure out So during that time, I have discovered

Alla Bardov:

that confidence can be learned, practiced and mastered, just

Alla Bardov:

like any other skill. Just like you exercise the muscle in your

Alla Bardov:

body, you can also exercise your mind to build confidence. You

Alla Bardov:

just need to know what to do. So you learn it, you practice it,

Alla Bardov:

and then you master it. Does it take time? Absolutely. And so in

Alla Bardov:

my book, I outlined 12, confidence building strategies.

Alla Bardov:

And it's not if you asked me one hour, if I do them, if I had

Alla Bardov:

read the book in one week, or in one day, and I go practice them,

Alla Bardov:

Am I going to become instantly confident? Of course not. So my

Alla Bardov:

best advice is, read a chapter and go practice it for a week,

Alla Bardov:

read another chapter, add to it, and go practice it. And over

Alla Bardov:

time, when you can, when you can perform these strategies without

Alla Bardov:

even thinking, you will absolutely gain confidence, you

Alla Bardov:

will absolutely people will notice, you will become more

Alla Bardov:

confident you will become a better a better person, overall,

Alla Bardov:

a better parent, a better spouse, a better significant

Alla Bardov:

other, so you will become a better person. So yes, you can

Alla Bardov:

absolutely learn and become confident.

Janice Porter:

I think that there are people however, that I

Janice Porter:

think of when I was a kid, even that I can remember, you know,

Janice Porter:

people who just oozed confidence as kids or teenagers, whatever.

Janice Porter:

And they were the ones that were quite often the maybe they were

Janice Porter:

the valedictorian in school, or maybe they were the leader of

Janice Porter:

whatever was going on, because they they stood tall, they knew

Janice Porter:

who they were, and they had that inner confidence. Do you think

Janice Porter:

that there are those people? Have you come across those

Janice Porter:

people in your world?

Alla Bardov:

And think there's also there's a fine line between

Alla Bardov:

confidence and arrogance, especially when it comes to

Alla Bardov:

salespeople? Yes. And then yes, I do think that maybe some

Alla Bardov:

people are born a little bit more inclined towards being

Alla Bardov:

confident or possibly their parents. So I think the parents

Alla Bardov:

or the people around them, they have observed things, and they

Alla Bardov:

have applied what they've learned versus some other kids

Alla Bardov:

that might not have. So modeling, yeah, as exactly as

Alla Bardov:

role models, you have to look at, you know, who are your role

Alla Bardov:

models? Who are the people around you? What are they? What

Alla Bardov:

are they exhibiting? Since you brought this up, I will mention

Alla Bardov:

I was doing training for this company. And we were doing

Alla Bardov:

strictly confidence, actually, we're doing sales training, but

Alla Bardov:

as part of it is always a confidence training. And so

Alla Bardov:

this, this gentleman would go home, and he would share what

Alla Bardov:

he's learned from me within I think, weekly or monthly. And he

Alla Bardov:

would share it with his family with his with his 15 year old

Alla Bardov:

daughter, actually, for quote is in my book, her endorsement from

Alla Bardov:

a 15 year old. And she was a professional, not professional,

Alla Bardov:

but she was playing sports. And so he would share it with her

Alla Bardov:

every time that we had training session. And he shared with me

Alla Bardov:

that one time the mom said something negative, and she

Alla Bardov:

said, Mom, we're not being negative, this is not gonna help

Alla Bardov:

us succeed in life. But this is what the kids are observing. So

Alla Bardov:

if you're observing, if your parents, which most of us most

Alla Bardov:

of people really, truly tend to lean on the negative side, we're

Alla Bardov:

kind of expect negative outcomes. And so that does

Alla Bardov:

affect those kids. So I do think that yes, absolutely. What

Alla Bardov:

you're saying that some of those kids, yes, it's part of staying

Alla Bardov:

tall your body language will affected? And if you want I can

Alla Bardov:

I have been asked, Are there habits that are destroying your

Alla Bardov:

confidence on daily basis? I have been asked that question,

Alla Bardov:

you know, a few times. And so possibly, it's something you do,

Alla Bardov:

or if you observe as a teen you observe or as a kid, your

Alla Bardov:

parents do it, then it's very difficult for you to be growing

Alla Bardov:

up as, as a confident, you know, teenager or adult. And those are

Alla Bardov:

negative self talk. Yeah. Because especially when we're

Alla Bardov:

faced in with challenging situation. So our tendency is to

Alla Bardov:

engage in negative self talk. And then also we expect negative

Alla Bardov:

outcomes as our mind. Our mind is just programmed, you know,

Alla Bardov:

that way we expect the negative and then of course, self doubt.

Alla Bardov:

And, you know, we discussed it and people experience self doubt

Alla Bardov:

for a variety of reasons, including, you know, their

Alla Bardov:

upbringing, somebody that somebody said, maybe they're

Alla Bardov:

extremely competitive, or maybe they're perfectionist, so So

Alla Bardov:

they're different things but yes, to answer your questions, I

Alla Bardov:

think some kids are okay based on their environment.

Janice Porter:

So it was something that came up yesterday

Janice Porter:

you and I were working together yesterday on an on something

Janice Porter:

completely different and and you You exhibited this amazing

Janice Porter:

attribute of being able to visualize. And when you

Janice Porter:

visualize something, I don't have that. I don't see pictures

Janice Porter:

the same way. I don't think I've trained my brain that way

Janice Porter:

enough. And I love it. I love that you are that this isn't one

Janice Porter:

chapter in the book as well called visualize it. And you say

Janice Porter:

the subtitle is my eyes made it happen story. And I love the

Janice Porter:

story. And I love what happened. And I wondered if you'd share

Janice Porter:

that story. Do you remember the story I'm referring to? I do?

Alla Bardov:

I do. It was, it was of course, of course. It was

Alla Bardov:

my corporate career. And at the time, we had three kids. We had

Alla Bardov:

the young, the young, the younger one was, had some health

Alla Bardov:

challenges, which caused me to retire from corporate life. And

Alla Bardov:

it was during that time that I decided to start this little

Alla Bardov:

side gig on the side. And it was a jewelry business and was a

Alla Bardov:

custom jewelry. And I thought, you know, it would be fun while

Alla Bardov:

I'm being a homeroom mom, and I'm doing this. And so I really

Alla Bardov:

wanted to get this jewelry into, into a, this fancy spot I'm in

Alla Bardov:

and one time I walked in, and I saw, I walked into the spa, and

Alla Bardov:

I saw all of this jewelry that they had a jewelry display. And

Alla Bardov:

I went and I asked, Are you looking for any vendors? And of

Alla Bardov:

course, the answer was no, that they you know, we have not

Alla Bardov:

added. And the first thing as I stood there, I mean, I was just

Alla Bardov:

in shock. And I'm sure the lady was thinking, oh my gosh, she's

Alla Bardov:

crazy. She just stood there, I'm not moving, I'm not saying

Alla Bardov:

anything. And all of a sudden, I did not see the candles, the

Alla Bardov:

body wraps or the the jewelry that was there. All I saw was my

Alla Bardov:

jewelry. I saw it on every shell, I saw it displayed. I saw

Alla Bardov:

it everywhere. And so that visualization drove me to create

Alla Bardov:

an action plan and to follow my steps. Instead of you know, the

Alla Bardov:

tendency when we expect negative outcome, you say, Oh, well, you

Alla Bardov:

know, it'll never happen. You know, I'm just beginning I only

Alla Bardov:

started a month ago, who would bring my jewelry in here, right?

Alla Bardov:

And yes, the visualization really, really helps you know,

Alla Bardov:

and it does not the visualization does not replace

Alla Bardov:

the work that needs to take place. But what happens

Alla Bardov:

visualization is that you go through the action twice for the

Alla Bardov:

action. So you go once in your mind, then you plan it really

Alla Bardov:

three times. And then when you meet, then you've already

Alla Bardov:

overcome you already overcame all their objections, you

Alla Bardov:

already came up with all the answers. So it's, it really it

Alla Bardov:

just helps to bring your aspirations to life. And if you

Alla Bardov:

look at the you know, the ancient monks, if you look at

Alla Bardov:

celebrities, if you really talk to athletes who've achieved, you

Alla Bardov:

know, the highest level, they will tell you it all starts with

Alla Bardov:

in your mind, it starts with visualizing yourself, achieving

Alla Bardov:

that goal. And so the strategies I give in the book for

Alla Bardov:

visualization, how do you achieve it? What do you have to

Alla Bardov:

go through? So thank you for picking on that chapter. I think

Alla Bardov:

it's very it is very important chapter is

Janice Porter:

that you have to finish the story. You have to

Janice Porter:

finish the story.

Alla Bardov:

Oh, when it was realisation that with the jury,

Alla Bardov:

yes, what your delivery? They did, yes, they did, I did call

Alla Bardov:

and I did set up a meeting. And I was because of visualization

Alla Bardov:

that I was able to visualize where every piece would be on

Alla Bardov:

which shelf. So to down to the point where I told them while

Alla Bardov:

you have these body wraps that you really haven't sold a whole

Alla Bardov:

lot. But if I put my piece over here, it's going to bring the

Alla Bardov:

attention to it. But that all happened in my mind first, and

Alla Bardov:

then I brought it to the manager. And very after the

Alla Bardov:

meeting, it was we'll get back with you. And it was within it

Alla Bardov:

was so fast when they got back with me. And they said we would

Alla Bardov:

love to carry your jewelry. I know that. And so so yeah. So

Alla Bardov:

that was, you know, that was a very, very exciting moment for

Alla Bardov:

somebody who's just starting to do something and been at it for

Alla Bardov:

a month.

Janice Porter:

But that's not that also, though, comes back to

Janice Porter:

the fact that number one, you're a great salesperson. And number

Janice Porter:

two, you're an entrepreneur, and you know you had all of those

Janice Porter:

things going for you but the visualization is what jumped out

Janice Porter:

at me. That's why I let the story and you're right now there

Janice Porter:

was just the NBA basketball draft was just last month and

Janice Porter:

watching the new players coming out of school and I don't know

Janice Porter:

if you're familiar because I know you're a basketball family

Janice Porter:

like we are but maybe not in the same way. But we are watching

Janice Porter:

the draft and there was a set of twins and they were drafted

Janice Porter:

fourth and fifth out of everything. And that's number

Janice Porter:

one, it was the first of its kind that they had twins

Janice Porter:

drafted. But number two, they were, I read a story about them

Janice Porter:

and magazine just last week. And both of them since they were

Janice Porter:

like five years old, had been visualizing being in the NBA.

Janice Porter:

And you're, like you said it previously, that it's with

Janice Porter:

people that reach a high level like that, that is often the

Janice Porter:

beginning, is having that vision and maintaining that vision

Janice Porter:

throughout and believing it right. Because it's the belief

Alla Bardov:

eliminates because it's very, it's very difficult,

Alla Bardov:

because you know, you're gonna, you're gonna encounter daily ups

Alla Bardov:

and downs, you know, it's not always great, you know, you will

Alla Bardov:

be defeated by other teams, you have to break through the

Alla Bardov:

mental, you know, the mental barrier, because it's not

Alla Bardov:

always, you know, it's not always roses or whatever they

Alla Bardov:

say, you have to work hard. But the tendency is, oh, my gosh,

Alla Bardov:

there's these kids are better than than we are, will never

Alla Bardov:

make it to the NBA. But you cannot win with that kind of

Alla Bardov:

attitude. Because if you see yourself daily, if even if you

Alla Bardov:

have to cut out the pictures, I know, I forgot, I told you in

Alla Bardov:

one of the other picture, or in one of the other chapters that I

Alla Bardov:

was trying to help my roommate lose weight. And it's also the

Alla Bardov:

visualization. So was a college roommate. And so I took a

Alla Bardov:

picture of her favorite celebrity. And then I took a

Alla Bardov:

picture of her and I cut out her face and put it on everybody's

Alla Bardov:

face, that creates a visualization, hey, this is my,

Alla Bardov:

you know, my idol, I want to look like that. And when you and

Alla Bardov:

I hung it in our closet. And so every day when she would look at

Alla Bardov:

it, you know, it made her made healthier choices. So that's

Alla Bardov:

also visualization. And it can play a huge part in just about

Alla Bardov:

anything that we want to accomplish. Even writing,

Alla Bardov:

writing a book Never did my life did I think that I would write a

Alla Bardov:

book. But the first thing is, you know, your visual, you

Alla Bardov:

visualize, you visualize people reading it, you visualize the

Alla Bardov:

impact it's going to make on others. So very, it's very

Alla Bardov:

important.

Janice Porter:

That's, that's so great. And, and comes with this

Janice Porter:

new venture that you're on. So you're from this book, you're

Janice Porter:

still doing your sales, training, and all the different

Janice Porter:

aspects of sales training. And now you're going on the road

Janice Porter:

with your book right now you want to share this information

Janice Porter:

by talking on stages and, and in groups of people that you can

Janice Porter:

spread the word. Now I understand there's a workbook

Janice Porter:

that goes with this

Alla Bardov:

workbook, and it's a GET OUT OF THE RABBIT HOLE

Alla Bardov:

workbook, developing your confidence building strategies.

Alla Bardov:

And that's really the only way the best way that you can put

Alla Bardov:

all the strategies to practice because then you can apply them

Alla Bardov:

to yourself. The nice thing about the book is, you know, you

Alla Bardov:

don't have to write on margins, I didn't have to leave you empty

Alla Bardov:

spaces. But the cool thing is, it has by chapter is structured

Alla Bardov:

by chapter and it gives you examples. And then you write

Alla Bardov:

out. You write out the situations based, you know,

Alla Bardov:

based on your situation, right. And a lot of chapters have a

Alla Bardov:

moment of truth. And this is where you actually write, you

Alla Bardov:

know, this is what I do right now. Because oftentimes your

Alla Bardov:

first thing instinct, oh, I don't do that. But if you are

Alla Bardov:

going to, if you are you going to really take this book and put

Alla Bardov:

and put it to use and really become confident. And so the

Alla Bardov:

moment of truth is something very important. And we were mean

Alla Bardov:

you were talking a lot earlier, we were talking on a podcast

Alla Bardov:

about the compliments. And so here's a moment of truth from

Alla Bardov:

the compliments chapter and it says, thinking about the past,

Alla Bardov:

prior to reading the book, write down your responses to when

Alla Bardov:

someone complimented you, if you can't recall, start by paying

Alla Bardov:

attention to how people around you respond to compliments, and

Alla Bardov:

write it down. So an example I got this shirt two years ago

Alla Bardov:

from a garage sale, it's most likely out of style now, but I

Alla Bardov:

want people to write down because unless they write down

Alla Bardov:

and they start catching themselves, you know, it's all

Alla Bardov:

about awareness, and replacing what they do to something to

Alla Bardov:

what they should be doing to become confident. So that's what

Alla Bardov:

the workbook is all about. And it's available on Amazon as

Alla Bardov:

well.

Janice Porter:

Okay, awesome. Yeah, I remember always saying

Janice Porter:

to my mom when someone was if I was around her and somebody

Janice Porter:

complimented her mom, just say thank you, just because it was

Janice Porter:

hard for her to do that. Right. So I guess yeah, yes. So last

Janice Porter:

thoughts, in terms of the strategies that people can do to

Janice Porter:

become more to apply to become more confident? What would your

Janice Porter:

top two or three be to share with my audience I'm pretty sure

Janice Porter:

I know what they are, because we've talked about, go ahead.

Alla Bardov:

Yeah, so I really want to cover probably self

Alla Bardov:

doubt, because that's the, that's the main chapter and just

Alla Bardov:

some things to, to put into people's heads because we all

Alla Bardov:

have self doubts and self doubt does not discriminate against

Alla Bardov:

age, or your, or how successful a person is, when self doubt is

Alla Bardov:

a destructive state of mind. And so the first thing, so I'm gonna

Alla Bardov:

give people three things, actually five things that they

Alla Bardov:

need to do, and then they can go for more details into the book.

Alla Bardov:

So the first thing is questioned the validity of your doubt of

Alla Bardov:

your doubts is what should as I always say, doubt, your doubts,

Alla Bardov:

doubt your doubts. Is it really true what you're saying, you

Alla Bardov:

know, and maybe you need training or some skills, then

Alla Bardov:

great, then go and get them get that out of your mind. But what

Alla Bardov:

I also say is voice voice, which you're thinking to yourself to a

Alla Bardov:

group of people that you that love you and your trusted

Alla Bardov:

circle, voice it to your significant others voices to

Alla Bardov:

maybe your grown up, kids voice it to your best friend, who has

Alla Bardov:

your best interests in mind, and say, This is what I'm saying to

Alla Bardov:

myself? Is it true? Chances are, it's not they wouldn't agree

Alla Bardov:

with you. And probably you should not agree with yourself

Alla Bardov:

either. And, you know, and then you possibly could be also

Alla Bardov:

hearing the voices of someone else what someone said, to make

Alla Bardov:

you feel that way. So that's number one. question the

Alla Bardov:

validity of your doubts. Number two, become consciously aware of

Alla Bardov:

when you're talking to yourself, you know, what are you saying

Alla Bardov:

maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe I'm not the person they're

Alla Bardov:

looking for? Nobody's gonna read my book. I mean, is that true?

Alla Bardov:

No, it's absolutely not true. But these are the things that

Alla Bardov:

you go through as you're going through the process. So

Alla Bardov:

consciously become aware. And then this is my favorite part,

Alla Bardov:

and acknowledge and name your doubting thoughts. So anytime

Alla Bardov:

you hear a doubting thought that that comes, name it. So for me

Alla Bardov:

it was go away, rabbits go away anytime. And to this day, any

Alla Bardov:

you know, because we're not no one's immune, no one is immune

Alla Bardov:

against self doubt. But if you have the strategies, and you

Alla Bardov:

know what to do, so you name anytime I have a self doubting

Alla Bardov:

thoughts, and especially in the chapter when I explain it, name

Alla Bardov:

it. So go away, rabbit go away. And then what you want to do is

Alla Bardov:

shift your attention to now. And you know, now is the only really

Alla Bardov:

moment that we can control whether it's through your

Alla Bardov:

breathing through your music, you know, whatever, however, it

Alla Bardov:

is that you that you can come to now. And then, and then replace

Alla Bardov:

them with something positive. You know, I have a separate

Alla Bardov:

chapter on I am statements. So if you're saying I am not good

Alla Bardov:

enough, who will read my book, I am a great author. I am, I will

Alla Bardov:

be helping so many people build confidence. So those are just a

Alla Bardov:

few. A few strategies really on self doubt, because it affects

Alla Bardov:

so many of

Janice Porter:

us. Yeah. And all starts with ourselves, doesn't

Janice Porter:

it? It

Alla Bardov:

does. It absolutely does.

Janice Porter:

So thank you so much for all of that. All the

Janice Porter:

strategies, sharing your stories with us, and where can i Where

Janice Porter:

Can my audience find you? And I will put

Alla Bardov:

they can find me on my website is sell yourself for

Alla Bardov:

success.com? Yes. And the book, the book is on get out of the

Alla Bardov:

rabbit hole.com And it can be the book can be purchased on

Alla Bardov:

Amazon as well as Barnes and Nobles.

Janice Porter:

Perfect. I will put all that in the show notes.

Janice Porter:

And I do recommend that anybody who's an entrepreneur in

Janice Porter:

business should read this book because it definitely brings all

Janice Porter:

of these things to the forefront that we can help that will help

Janice Porter:

make us a better person conference. Yes, thank you and

Janice Porter:

thanks for being here. Thank you to my audience. If you liked

Janice Porter:

what you heard, please subscribe and leave a an honest review.

Janice Porter:

Thank you again, and stay connected. Remember Thank you

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About the Podcast

Relationships Rule
It’s always about Relationships!
Imagine that 68% of our clients leave because they feel we don’t care. Then visualize having authentic heart-based retention strategies, proven to minimize client losses, while organically generating a substantial number of loyal clients through referrals.

Catch a glimpse of how Janice opens a conversation by applying her fine-tuned curiosity. Notice how genuinely interested she is in building a relationship with her guests – heart-based business owners and entrepreneurs. In mere minutes, guests generously share their most sweet and powerful retention systems that you can adopt today!

As a seasoned relationship marketing specialist, Janice invites us to listen in weekly, as she reveals how to nurture and build relationships in real-time.

The Relationships Rule podcast’s aim, is to help you naturally ease your networking fears, so you can adopt strategies that amplify your client list, because the facts are, that today, success is built on a foundation of strong relationships. You can relax now, knowing you can activate your relationship marketing plan, by simply tuning in to Relationships Rule each week.

About your host

Profile picture for Janice Porter

Janice Porter

I began my career as a teacher, was a corporate trainer for many years, and have now found my niche in coaching business owners to network at a world-class level.
My passion is working with motivated people, who are coachable and who want to build their businesses through relationship marketing and networking (offline & online). I help my clients create retention strategies, grow through referrals, and create loyal customers by staying connected.