Get Out of the Rabbit Hole | RR225

Janice Porter: 00:00:01

Hi, everyone, and welcome to this episode of

Janice Porter: 00:00:03

relationships rule. This is another one of those occasions

Janice Porter: 00:00:07

that is really special because when I first started out with my

Janice Porter: 00:00:11

podcast early on, I, I probably didn't know what I was doing.

Janice Porter: 00:00:16

But anyway, I got started. And I just jumped in and I did my

Janice Porter: 00:00:20

podcast. And I know that things have improved as I've gone

Janice Porter: 00:00:24

along. And so one of the things that's really fun is to be able

Janice Porter: 00:00:27

to bring someone back to my podcast for a second interview,

Janice Porter: 00:00:30

who was in that first batch of, of interviews that I did. And so

Janice Porter: 00:00:35

today, I have a special guest one of those people, Allah bar

Janice Porter: 00:00:39

dog, first of all, welcome to the show, Allah.

Alla Bardov: 00:00:43

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for

Alla Bardov: 00:00:44

having me. It's a pleasure and an honor to be on your podcast.

Alla Bardov: 00:00:47

Yes,

Janice Porter: 00:00:48

it's my pleasure. And what's so special is I went

Janice Porter: 00:00:51

back and looked at the first time you were on the show, which

Janice Porter: 00:00:54

was actually over three years ago, I can't believe it, it was

Janice Porter: 00:00:58

over three years ago. And we had just met not long before that,

Janice Porter: 00:01:03

at an event in Salt Lake City, actually. And you were in the

Janice Porter: 00:01:09

midst of your sales career. And a really going strong with your

Janice Porter: 00:01:17

sale, selling for success. I think it's called selling for

Janice Porter: 00:01:20

success. Sell yourself for success. I knew I had it wrong,

Janice Porter: 00:01:24

sell yourself for success, and all the programs that go with

Janice Porter: 00:01:27

it. And I know that you're still doing that. But I thought that

Janice Porter: 00:01:30

this was a special occasion because she's written a book.

Janice Porter: 00:01:33

And the book is called Get out of the rabbit hole, building

Janice Porter: 00:01:36

confidence to overcome self doubt, improve performance and

Janice Porter: 00:01:39

reach your potential. And for me, that seemed like a perfect

Janice Porter: 00:01:46

time for you to come on the show, because you stepped it up

Janice Porter: 00:01:50

now to the next level as well, with your book and everything

Janice Porter: 00:01:55

that goes along with it. So congratulations, first of all.

Janice Porter: 00:01:58

Thank you, James. You're welcome. And second, now I want

Janice Porter: 00:02:01

to talk about it. So I want to know, first of all, how you got

Janice Porter: 00:02:05

the title for the book, because I love the title get out of the

Janice Porter: 00:02:08

rabbit hole. And I'm always that hole. So I get it, but I want

Janice Porter: 00:02:12

you to come tell me about it. Oh,

Alla Bardov: 00:02:14

well didn't expect you to that would be the first

Alla Bardov: 00:02:16

thing Oh, really? Okay,

Janice Porter: 00:02:17

well, you never know. Right?

Alla Bardov: 00:02:19

I am happy to talk about the title. Um, so there

Alla Bardov: 00:02:23

are 12 chapters in the book. And they're all a really independent

Alla Bardov: 00:02:27

chapter. But the main chapter, which is chapter six, six,

Alla Bardov: 00:02:30

that's in the middle of the book, it actually describes a

Alla Bardov: 00:02:33

relationship I had once with a close and trusted friend. And

Alla Bardov: 00:02:37

for the book purposes, we named her Carol. And so Carol's words

Alla Bardov: 00:02:42

that I replayed daily, in my mind caused me to doubt myself,

Alla Bardov: 00:02:47

and actually sent my thoughts down the rabbit hole. So the

Alla Bardov: 00:02:50

name of the book is get out of the rabbit hole, building

Alla Bardov: 00:02:53

confidence to overcome self doubt, improve performance and

Alla Bardov: 00:02:56

reach your potential. And often we don't even realize how the

Alla Bardov: 00:03:00

words of those that we trust affect our actions. And they

Alla Bardov: 00:03:04

really, ultimately affect the goals that we set out to

Alla Bardov: 00:03:07

achieve. And so we all have people like that in our lives.

Alla Bardov: 00:03:11

And you know, for every negative experience, we can turn it

Alla Bardov: 00:03:15

around and make it into a positive experience. It does

Alla Bardov: 00:03:18

take time and effort. But for me, the positive was that made

Alla Bardov: 00:03:23

me realize that I shouldn't let negative people take my thoughts

Alla Bardov: 00:03:27

down the rabbit hole. And I had to figure out how to get out,

Alla Bardov: 00:03:32

which took a long time. And that's another reason I wrote

Alla Bardov: 00:03:34

the book. I wanted to help other people not to go down the same

Alla Bardov: 00:03:37

path. And I provided the tools necessary to take their thoughts

Alla Bardov: 00:03:42

redirect them so that they don't go down the rabbit hole.

Janice Porter: 00:03:46

Oh, yeah. And it does take a lot of effort to.

Janice Porter: 00:03:51

Again, I often come back to this phrase that one of my mentors

Janice Porter: 00:03:58

whom you know, Cody Bateman, always the story in your mind

Janice Porter: 00:04:02

becomes the story of your life. So you've got to change the

Janice Porter: 00:04:05

story in your mind, right? And in this this exactly what you're

Janice Porter: 00:04:08

talking about changing it from the negative influence to a

Janice Porter: 00:04:12

positive influence. And it's just a switch, but it isn't just

Janice Porter: 00:04:15

a switch, right? It takes

Alla Bardov: 00:04:18

it takes a really long time. It takes a really

Alla Bardov: 00:04:21

long time. And you know, the interesting thing that Carol's

Alla Bardov: 00:04:23

you know, there's Carol in the book, but Carol's and the lives

Alla Bardov: 00:04:26

don't always show up in our 40s or 50s. You know, we could we

Alla Bardov: 00:04:31

could be carrying something that maybe a parent said or a coach,

Alla Bardov: 00:04:35

or maybe you know, a teacher and they they might not have even

Alla Bardov: 00:04:40

meant it they could have said it out of anger. And maybe they

Alla Bardov: 00:04:43

said you know you're not good enough. You'll never make

Alla Bardov: 00:04:45

anything out of yourself. And you carry these words in your

Alla Bardov: 00:04:49

mind and they really anytime you encounter a challenge these

Alla Bardov: 00:04:54

words ring and they set you back and if we don't have the

Alla Bardov: 00:04:57

strategies, how to deal with them. It's Very difficult to

Alla Bardov: 00:05:00

succeed. And like I said, you don't have to be in your

Alla Bardov: 00:05:02

40s 50s. I mean, you could be, you know, when you were 18.

Janice Porter: 00:05:06

Yeah, exactly. And it's just something that

Janice Porter: 00:05:08

stayed with you a long time. So I love the way you have laid the

Janice Porter: 00:05:14

book out. And in each chapter, you tell a story, a personal

Janice Porter: 00:05:19

story, that then you give the audience, the reader the

Janice Porter: 00:05:23

strategies for, for making these things work, like how you got

Janice Porter: 00:05:32

out of it. And then so it ranges from, which I thought was really

Janice Porter: 00:05:36

funny. And entertaining in the chapter about dress matters,

Janice Porter: 00:05:42

which was chapter three, no, yes. Yeah. Chapter Three. Yes,

Janice Porter: 00:05:49

yeah. Because I, this goes back a long time, right. And it's all

Janice Porter: 00:05:54

about first impressions, right? And you can maybe share a little

Janice Porter: 00:05:58

bit of it with us, because I think the strategies are great.

Alla Bardov: 00:06:01

Thank you. And I'm just gonna take it for a second.

Alla Bardov: 00:06:04

And as you said, every chapter has a personal story. And in

Alla Bardov: 00:06:09

each through each, through each story, you know, people can

Alla Bardov: 00:06:13

relate. And people can say, hey, they can transpose themselves

Alla Bardov: 00:06:17

into themselves into my story. And they said, I've been there,

Alla Bardov: 00:06:21

I understand. And strategies fade, but stories stay. So they

Alla Bardov: 00:06:27

might forget the strategies. But if they remember the stories,

Alla Bardov: 00:06:30

don't remember the strategies. But the big thing, we always

Alla Bardov: 00:06:33

hear so much about dressing up, you know, dress for success, you

Alla Bardov: 00:06:37

hear so much about it? And yes, it is very important. You know,

Alla Bardov: 00:06:42

because whatever you wear, it's it's going to make a first

Alla Bardov: 00:06:45

impression or not, then you only have seconds to make the first

Alla Bardov: 00:06:48

impression. And that's what really people think about, you

Alla Bardov: 00:06:51

know, I need to look good, because I want to make a first

Alla Bardov: 00:06:53

impression, I'm going to this event, but it's not just what

Alla Bardov: 00:06:56

your clothes say about you to other people. It's also what

Alla Bardov: 00:07:00

your clothes say to you. So I always tell people, you know,

Alla Bardov: 00:07:05

you take it's like a, like a gas gauge, and put on and see how

Alla Bardov: 00:07:11

you feel. Don't even worry yet about what IT projects to other

Alla Bardov: 00:07:14

people. But how do you feel. So you might put something on and

Alla Bardov: 00:07:18

you know, it has a high tag price, and maybe it's a brand

Alla Bardov: 00:07:21

name, and you know, that looks good, but if you don't feel

Alla Bardov: 00:07:25

comfortable in it, or if you're going to be demonstrating

Alla Bardov: 00:07:28

something and you're going to raise your arms and your shorts

Alla Bardov: 00:07:30

gonna raise, raise up, you are not going to have that

Alla Bardov: 00:07:35

confidence. So the main point out of the chapter is it's not

Alla Bardov: 00:07:39

just what your clothes say about you, but it's what they say

Janice Porter: 00:07:43

to you. Right? Which is beautiful, because

Janice Porter: 00:07:46

that's the first and foremost thing, right? Because if you

Janice Porter: 00:07:49

don't have that, then you're not going to be confident. Another

Janice Porter: 00:07:53

piece in the book that I loved. And actually what this reminded

Janice Porter: 00:07:57

me of was my mother, and the chapter is complements chapter

Janice Porter: 00:08:04

six, I think it is or no, not chapter chapter five, it's

Janice Porter: 00:08:07

chapter five. says it's a please accept my gift stories. And you

Janice Porter: 00:08:14

have a quote, at the beginning, I get awkward when someone

Janice Porter: 00:08:16

compliments me, they don't know what to say. They say you look

Janice Porter: 00:08:19

pretty today. And when I say Happy Birthday birthday. Yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:08:26

exactly. And they reminded me so much of my mother, because for

Janice Porter: 00:08:30

so many years, my mother did not feel worthy. And you wish she'd

Janice Porter: 00:08:37

always look 100% and loved clothes and love to you know,

Janice Porter: 00:08:42

entertain people. And if you sent her a thank you note, she'd

Janice Porter: 00:08:45

send one back thanking you for the thank you note like this is

Janice Porter: 00:08:48

how she wanted to always it wasn't she was trying to do

Janice Porter: 00:08:53

anything other than just be grateful of the other people.

Janice Porter: 00:08:57

And you, you in the strategies. In this chapter, you talk about

Janice Porter: 00:09:02

how being able to accept a compliment, helps build

Janice Porter: 00:09:08

relationships, and I highlighted this because I want to just read

Janice Porter: 00:09:11

it, when you accept compliments from those who don't know, or

Janice Porter: 00:09:14

don't know, well, you have an opportunity to thank them and

Janice Porter: 00:09:17

start a conversation. Accepting compliments creates the

Janice Porter: 00:09:20

opportunity to develop relationships. And because I'm

Janice Porter: 00:09:24

all about relationships, I that jumped out at me as well as it

Janice Porter: 00:09:29

reminded me of my mother, that story that you told, I thought

Janice Porter: 00:09:32

that this was a really good strategy for relationship

Janice Porter: 00:09:35

building. So I just like to hear your your tests on what you want

Janice Porter: 00:09:38

to share.

Alla Bardov: 00:09:39

So a lot of times when people get a compliment,

Alla Bardov: 00:09:43

and let's just transpose yourself, say we're in a

Alla Bardov: 00:09:45

business meeting, and you're hoping to get the business of

Alla Bardov: 00:09:49

this potential client and the client complements you on

Alla Bardov: 00:09:53

something and you say, Oh, this dress is so old. Oh, I bought

Alla Bardov: 00:09:56

this suit years ago because you're thinking you're

Alla Bardov: 00:09:59

downplaying You're being humble. But in turn, you are not. So the

Alla Bardov: 00:10:03

first there's, there's so many aspects to you not being able to

Alla Bardov: 00:10:08

accept the compliment. The first thing you're doing is, oh my

Alla Bardov: 00:10:12

gosh, I gave them a compliment. And they did not like the dress

Alla Bardov: 00:10:16

or whatever. Now you feel like I have to give them another

Alla Bardov: 00:10:18

compliment. So now you're scrambling What else can I tell?

Alla Bardov: 00:10:22

Say, if it's to Janice, what else can I tell to Janice? Oh,

Alla Bardov: 00:10:25

my gosh, you know, your hair looks great. And so you're

Alla Bardov: 00:10:28

scrambling to find another compliment. And then another

Alla Bardov: 00:10:30

thought is, if you're not worthy to accept the compliment, why

Alla Bardov: 00:10:35

should you be worthy to accept their business. And so if you

Alla Bardov: 00:10:38

just met someone, you're already starting a relationship on the

Alla Bardov: 00:10:42

wrong note. And on a negative note, because you just made the

Alla Bardov: 00:10:47

person who gave you a compliment, you really deflected

Alla Bardov: 00:10:50

that compliment, you kind of knocked it down and put the

Alla Bardov: 00:10:53

other person in a really awkward situation. Well, what do I say

Alla Bardov: 00:10:56

to make Janice feel better? And so but the interesting thing is,

Alla Bardov: 00:11:02

so how does that give you confidence, but knowing what to

Alla Bardov: 00:11:06

do, when somebody gives you a compliment, if you know that,

Alla Bardov: 00:11:10

you just need to accept it, not just that you need to accept it,

Alla Bardov: 00:11:14

you have confidence that already gave you a confidence booster if

Alla Bardov: 00:11:18

we just met. And I give Janice a compliment. And she said, Thank

Alla Bardov: 00:11:23

you, or thank you for your compliment. If you don't know

Alla Bardov: 00:11:25

what to say, or how to accept it, I give many ways. But if you

Alla Bardov: 00:11:29

just say thank you, it means a lot, or thank you for the

Alla Bardov: 00:11:32

compliment. That's literally all you need to say. And now you're

Alla Bardov: 00:11:36

just starting, you're starting this meeting on a positive note,

Alla Bardov: 00:11:40

it's open, it's welcoming, and the other person doesn't feel

Alla Bardov: 00:11:44

like they have to give you another compliment. And also, a

Alla Bardov: 00:11:47

lot of people feel like, once somebody gives you a compliment,

Alla Bardov: 00:11:50

you have to compliment them back. Don't do that, because

Alla Bardov: 00:11:53

that does not come out authentic. Say Oh, I like your

Alla Bardov: 00:11:57

dress. And you said, Well, I like your dress as well. So you

Alla Bardov: 00:12:00

really don't want to do that. But I give these strategies, and

Alla Bardov: 00:12:04

they seem so simple. But But following them will help you

Alla Bardov: 00:12:10

build confidence and improve relationships, as you said. And

Alla Bardov: 00:12:15

the first relationship I think maybe we discussed it a few days

Alla Bardov: 00:12:18

ago, the first relationship that matters most is the relationship

Alla Bardov: 00:12:22

you have with yourself. And if you don't value that

Alla Bardov: 00:12:25

relationship with yourself, if you don't value yourself enough,

Alla Bardov: 00:12:28

then why should anyone else?

Janice Porter: 00:12:30

Exactly. So good. So I think it's an interesting

Janice Porter: 00:12:35

question about confidence. Because I often ask people about

Janice Porter: 00:12:42

curiosity, and is it learned? Or like, is it innate? Or is it

Janice Porter: 00:12:47

learned? And you have a question that came up? That I think is

Janice Porter: 00:12:50

worthy of talking about too, so Can Can somebody? Yes, I think I

Janice Porter: 00:12:54

think they can become confident. I think that's, that's, that's

Janice Porter: 00:12:58

evident in your book, if you follow the strategies to build

Janice Porter: 00:13:03

confidence, I think it works. But are you born with it? Or is

Janice Porter: 00:13:06

it learned? I think that's a different piece. And I'd like to

Janice Porter: 00:13:10

hear your take on them. So we,

Alla Bardov: 00:13:14

you know, throughout our lives, we often

Alla Bardov: 00:13:17

hear people say, you need to be confident, or sometimes we think

Alla Bardov: 00:13:21

when I'm confident or a lot of times you hear parents say you

Alla Bardov: 00:13:24

need to be more confident. Yet no one ever says here's how you

Alla Bardov: 00:13:28

do it. That's another reason why I wrote this book. So the

Alla Bardov: 00:13:32

problem remains, how do you become confident? And the story

Alla Bardov: 00:13:36

if I took you back to Cuba back and you say, well, here I am,

Alla Bardov: 00:13:41

obviously, you can hear my accent. So if you're wondering,

Alla Bardov: 00:13:45

I immigrated to this country when I was 15 years old, I did

Alla Bardov: 00:13:48

not speak a word of English. So how does someone like myself

Alla Bardov: 00:13:52

talks about confidence. And so it was during my college days

Alla Bardov: 00:13:56

that I decided I was studying accounting, and I decided to go

Alla Bardov: 00:13:58

sell vacuum cleaners door to door. That sounds like a fun

Alla Bardov: 00:14:01

thing to do. And I was learning to speak English and and so I

Alla Bardov: 00:14:06

spent a lot of time shadowing other people learning all the

Alla Bardov: 00:14:09

sales skills, and I was so good at it. I can close any sales

Alla Bardov: 00:14:12

that can overcome any objections because I learned the skills

Alla Bardov: 00:14:15

that were tools for me to learn. But then I was missing one

Alla Bardov: 00:14:18

thing. I had a hard time getting through the front door. Once I

Alla Bardov: 00:14:22

was in the door, I had it. So I realized I was missing one

Alla Bardov: 00:14:26

component. And that's that confidence to get through that

Alla Bardov: 00:14:29

front door. And so what I realized is that while if you

Alla Bardov: 00:14:33

wanted to learn how to cook, oh there cookbooks if you wanted to

Alla Bardov: 00:14:35

learn how to drive, you can go take driving lessons, but there

Alla Bardov: 00:14:39

was no there were no instructions on manuals on how

Alla Bardov: 00:14:42

to become confident, and really trying to become confident

Alla Bardov: 00:14:46

without the tools needed was difficult. And that's when my

Alla Bardov: 00:14:49

quest began. On, hey, can you learn confidence? Is that a

Alla Bardov: 00:14:54

learned trait? And so it took me it's been a 30 year journey,

Alla Bardov: 00:14:58

trying to figure out So during that time, I have discovered

Alla Bardov: 00:15:02

that confidence can be learned, practiced and mastered, just

Alla Bardov: 00:15:07

like any other skill. Just like you exercise the muscle in your

Alla Bardov: 00:15:11

body, you can also exercise your mind to build confidence. You

Alla Bardov: 00:15:16

just need to know what to do. So you learn it, you practice it,

Alla Bardov: 00:15:20

and then you master it. Does it take time? Absolutely. And so in

Alla Bardov: 00:15:24

my book, I outlined 12, confidence building strategies.

Alla Bardov: 00:15:28

And it's not if you asked me one hour, if I do them, if I had

Alla Bardov: 00:15:32

read the book in one week, or in one day, and I go practice them,

Alla Bardov: 00:15:35

Am I going to become instantly confident? Of course not. So my

Alla Bardov: 00:15:38

best advice is, read a chapter and go practice it for a week,

Alla Bardov: 00:15:43

read another chapter, add to it, and go practice it. And over

Alla Bardov: 00:15:46

time, when you can, when you can perform these strategies without

Alla Bardov: 00:15:52

even thinking, you will absolutely gain confidence, you

Alla Bardov: 00:15:56

will absolutely people will notice, you will become more

Alla Bardov: 00:16:00

confident you will become a better a better person, overall,

Alla Bardov: 00:16:03

a better parent, a better spouse, a better significant

Alla Bardov: 00:16:06

other, so you will become a better person. So yes, you can

Alla Bardov: 00:16:09

absolutely learn and become confident.

Janice Porter: 00:16:14

I think that there are people however, that I

Janice Porter: 00:16:17

think of when I was a kid, even that I can remember, you know,

Janice Porter: 00:16:21

people who just oozed confidence as kids or teenagers, whatever.

Janice Porter: 00:16:26

And they were the ones that were quite often the maybe they were

Janice Porter: 00:16:32

the valedictorian in school, or maybe they were the leader of

Janice Porter: 00:16:35

whatever was going on, because they they stood tall, they knew

Janice Porter: 00:16:39

who they were, and they had that inner confidence. Do you think

Janice Porter: 00:16:45

that there are those people? Have you come across those

Janice Porter: 00:16:48

people in your world?

Alla Bardov: 00:16:50

And think there's also there's a fine line between

Alla Bardov: 00:16:53

confidence and arrogance, especially when it comes to

Alla Bardov: 00:16:55

salespeople? Yes. And then yes, I do think that maybe some

Alla Bardov: 00:17:00

people are born a little bit more inclined towards being

Alla Bardov: 00:17:03

confident or possibly their parents. So I think the parents

Alla Bardov: 00:17:08

or the people around them, they have observed things, and they

Alla Bardov: 00:17:13

have applied what they've learned versus some other kids

Alla Bardov: 00:17:17

that might not have. So modeling, yeah, as exactly as

Alla Bardov: 00:17:21

role models, you have to look at, you know, who are your role

Alla Bardov: 00:17:24

models? Who are the people around you? What are they? What

Alla Bardov: 00:17:28

are they exhibiting? Since you brought this up, I will mention

Alla Bardov: 00:17:32

I was doing training for this company. And we were doing

Alla Bardov: 00:17:35

strictly confidence, actually, we're doing sales training, but

Alla Bardov: 00:17:38

as part of it is always a confidence training. And so

Alla Bardov: 00:17:41

this, this gentleman would go home, and he would share what

Alla Bardov: 00:17:44

he's learned from me within I think, weekly or monthly. And he

Alla Bardov: 00:17:49

would share it with his family with his with his 15 year old

Alla Bardov: 00:17:53

daughter, actually, for quote is in my book, her endorsement from

Alla Bardov: 00:17:57

a 15 year old. And she was a professional, not professional,

Alla Bardov: 00:18:00

but she was playing sports. And so he would share it with her

Alla Bardov: 00:18:04

every time that we had training session. And he shared with me

Alla Bardov: 00:18:08

that one time the mom said something negative, and she

Alla Bardov: 00:18:11

said, Mom, we're not being negative, this is not gonna help

Alla Bardov: 00:18:14

us succeed in life. But this is what the kids are observing. So

Alla Bardov: 00:18:18

if you're observing, if your parents, which most of us most

Alla Bardov: 00:18:21

of people really, truly tend to lean on the negative side, we're

Alla Bardov: 00:18:25

kind of expect negative outcomes. And so that does

Alla Bardov: 00:18:29

affect those kids. So I do think that yes, absolutely. What

Alla Bardov: 00:18:33

you're saying that some of those kids, yes, it's part of staying

Alla Bardov: 00:18:37

tall your body language will affected? And if you want I can

Alla Bardov: 00:18:43

I have been asked, Are there habits that are destroying your

Alla Bardov: 00:18:47

confidence on daily basis? I have been asked that question,

Alla Bardov: 00:18:51

you know, a few times. And so possibly, it's something you do,

Alla Bardov: 00:18:55

or if you observe as a teen you observe or as a kid, your

Alla Bardov: 00:18:59

parents do it, then it's very difficult for you to be growing

Alla Bardov: 00:19:03

up as, as a confident, you know, teenager or adult. And those are

Alla Bardov: 00:19:07

negative self talk. Yeah. Because especially when we're

Alla Bardov: 00:19:10

faced in with challenging situation. So our tendency is to

Alla Bardov: 00:19:14

engage in negative self talk. And then also we expect negative

Alla Bardov: 00:19:18

outcomes as our mind. Our mind is just programmed, you know,

Alla Bardov: 00:19:23

that way we expect the negative and then of course, self doubt.

Alla Bardov: 00:19:28

And, you know, we discussed it and people experience self doubt

Alla Bardov: 00:19:31

for a variety of reasons, including, you know, their

Alla Bardov: 00:19:35

upbringing, somebody that somebody said, maybe they're

Alla Bardov: 00:19:38

extremely competitive, or maybe they're perfectionist, so So

Alla Bardov: 00:19:43

they're different things but yes, to answer your questions, I

Alla Bardov: 00:19:45

think some kids are okay based on their environment.

Janice Porter: 00:19:49

So it was something that came up yesterday

Janice Porter: 00:19:51

you and I were working together yesterday on an on something

Janice Porter: 00:19:54

completely different and and you You exhibited this amazing

Janice Porter: 00:20:04

attribute of being able to visualize. And when you

Janice Porter: 00:20:07

visualize something, I don't have that. I don't see pictures

Janice Porter: 00:20:12

the same way. I don't think I've trained my brain that way

Janice Porter: 00:20:16

enough. And I love it. I love that you are that this isn't one

Janice Porter: 00:20:20

chapter in the book as well called visualize it. And you say

Janice Porter: 00:20:24

the subtitle is my eyes made it happen story. And I love the

Janice Porter: 00:20:27

story. And I love what happened. And I wondered if you'd share

Janice Porter: 00:20:30

that story. Do you remember the story I'm referring to? I do?

Alla Bardov: 00:20:35

I do. It was, it was of course, of course. It was

Alla Bardov: 00:20:40

my corporate career. And at the time, we had three kids. We had

Alla Bardov: 00:20:45

the young, the young, the younger one was, had some health

Alla Bardov: 00:20:50

challenges, which caused me to retire from corporate life. And

Alla Bardov: 00:20:54

it was during that time that I decided to start this little

Alla Bardov: 00:20:56

side gig on the side. And it was a jewelry business and was a

Alla Bardov: 00:21:01

custom jewelry. And I thought, you know, it would be fun while

Alla Bardov: 00:21:04

I'm being a homeroom mom, and I'm doing this. And so I really

Alla Bardov: 00:21:07

wanted to get this jewelry into, into a, this fancy spot I'm in

Alla Bardov: 00:21:14

and one time I walked in, and I saw, I walked into the spa, and

Alla Bardov: 00:21:19

I saw all of this jewelry that they had a jewelry display. And

Alla Bardov: 00:21:24

I went and I asked, Are you looking for any vendors? And of

Alla Bardov: 00:21:28

course, the answer was no, that they you know, we have not

Alla Bardov: 00:21:31

added. And the first thing as I stood there, I mean, I was just

Alla Bardov: 00:21:35

in shock. And I'm sure the lady was thinking, oh my gosh, she's

Alla Bardov: 00:21:38

crazy. She just stood there, I'm not moving, I'm not saying

Alla Bardov: 00:21:40

anything. And all of a sudden, I did not see the candles, the

Alla Bardov: 00:21:44

body wraps or the the jewelry that was there. All I saw was my

Alla Bardov: 00:21:49

jewelry. I saw it on every shell, I saw it displayed. I saw

Alla Bardov: 00:21:53

it everywhere. And so that visualization drove me to create

Alla Bardov: 00:21:58

an action plan and to follow my steps. Instead of you know, the

Alla Bardov: 00:22:01

tendency when we expect negative outcome, you say, Oh, well, you

Alla Bardov: 00:22:05

know, it'll never happen. You know, I'm just beginning I only

Alla Bardov: 00:22:07

started a month ago, who would bring my jewelry in here, right?

Alla Bardov: 00:22:11

And yes, the visualization really, really helps you know,

Alla Bardov: 00:22:15

and it does not the visualization does not replace

Alla Bardov: 00:22:18

the work that needs to take place. But what happens

Alla Bardov: 00:22:22

visualization is that you go through the action twice for the

Alla Bardov: 00:22:27

action. So you go once in your mind, then you plan it really

Alla Bardov: 00:22:30

three times. And then when you meet, then you've already

Alla Bardov: 00:22:34

overcome you already overcame all their objections, you

Alla Bardov: 00:22:36

already came up with all the answers. So it's, it really it

Alla Bardov: 00:22:41

just helps to bring your aspirations to life. And if you

Alla Bardov: 00:22:46

look at the you know, the ancient monks, if you look at

Alla Bardov: 00:22:51

celebrities, if you really talk to athletes who've achieved, you

Alla Bardov: 00:22:56

know, the highest level, they will tell you it all starts with

Alla Bardov: 00:23:00

in your mind, it starts with visualizing yourself, achieving

Alla Bardov: 00:23:03

that goal. And so the strategies I give in the book for

Alla Bardov: 00:23:07

visualization, how do you achieve it? What do you have to

Alla Bardov: 00:23:10

go through? So thank you for picking on that chapter. I think

Alla Bardov: 00:23:12

it's very it is very important chapter is

Janice Porter: 00:23:15

that you have to finish the story. You have to

Janice Porter: 00:23:19

finish the story.

Alla Bardov: 00:23:21

Oh, when it was realisation that with the jury,

Alla Bardov: 00:23:24

yes, what your delivery? They did, yes, they did, I did call

Alla Bardov: 00:23:29

and I did set up a meeting. And I was because of visualization

Alla Bardov: 00:23:35

that I was able to visualize where every piece would be on

Alla Bardov: 00:23:38

which shelf. So to down to the point where I told them while

Alla Bardov: 00:23:42

you have these body wraps that you really haven't sold a whole

Alla Bardov: 00:23:44

lot. But if I put my piece over here, it's going to bring the

Alla Bardov: 00:23:47

attention to it. But that all happened in my mind first, and

Alla Bardov: 00:23:53

then I brought it to the manager. And very after the

Alla Bardov: 00:23:57

meeting, it was we'll get back with you. And it was within it

Alla Bardov: 00:24:01

was so fast when they got back with me. And they said we would

Alla Bardov: 00:24:05

love to carry your jewelry. I know that. And so so yeah. So

Alla Bardov: 00:24:10

that was, you know, that was a very, very exciting moment for

Alla Bardov: 00:24:13

somebody who's just starting to do something and been at it for

Alla Bardov: 00:24:16

a month.

Janice Porter: 00:24:18

But that's not that also, though, comes back to

Janice Porter: 00:24:21

the fact that number one, you're a great salesperson. And number

Janice Porter: 00:24:25

two, you're an entrepreneur, and you know you had all of those

Janice Porter: 00:24:30

things going for you but the visualization is what jumped out

Janice Porter: 00:24:33

at me. That's why I let the story and you're right now there

Janice Porter: 00:24:38

was just the NBA basketball draft was just last month and

Janice Porter: 00:24:44

watching the new players coming out of school and I don't know

Janice Porter: 00:24:47

if you're familiar because I know you're a basketball family

Janice Porter: 00:24:49

like we are but maybe not in the same way. But we are watching

Janice Porter: 00:24:53

the draft and there was a set of twins and they were drafted

Janice Porter: 00:24:58

fourth and fifth out of everything. And that's number

Janice Porter: 00:25:02

one, it was the first of its kind that they had twins

Janice Porter: 00:25:05

drafted. But number two, they were, I read a story about them

Janice Porter: 00:25:10

and magazine just last week. And both of them since they were

Janice Porter: 00:25:14

like five years old, had been visualizing being in the NBA.

Janice Porter: 00:25:18

And you're, like you said it previously, that it's with

Janice Porter: 00:25:22

people that reach a high level like that, that is often the

Janice Porter: 00:25:26

beginning, is having that vision and maintaining that vision

Janice Porter: 00:25:30

throughout and believing it right. Because it's the belief

Alla Bardov: 00:25:33

eliminates because it's very, it's very difficult,

Alla Bardov: 00:25:35

because you know, you're gonna, you're gonna encounter daily ups

Alla Bardov: 00:25:38

and downs, you know, it's not always great, you know, you will

Alla Bardov: 00:25:41

be defeated by other teams, you have to break through the

Alla Bardov: 00:25:45

mental, you know, the mental barrier, because it's not

Alla Bardov: 00:25:48

always, you know, it's not always roses or whatever they

Alla Bardov: 00:25:53

say, you have to work hard. But the tendency is, oh, my gosh,

Alla Bardov: 00:25:58

there's these kids are better than than we are, will never

Alla Bardov: 00:26:02

make it to the NBA. But you cannot win with that kind of

Alla Bardov: 00:26:05

attitude. Because if you see yourself daily, if even if you

Alla Bardov: 00:26:10

have to cut out the pictures, I know, I forgot, I told you in

Alla Bardov: 00:26:13

one of the other picture, or in one of the other chapters that I

Alla Bardov: 00:26:16

was trying to help my roommate lose weight. And it's also the

Alla Bardov: 00:26:19

visualization. So was a college roommate. And so I took a

Alla Bardov: 00:26:23

picture of her favorite celebrity. And then I took a

Alla Bardov: 00:26:26

picture of her and I cut out her face and put it on everybody's

Alla Bardov: 00:26:31

face, that creates a visualization, hey, this is my,

Alla Bardov: 00:26:35

you know, my idol, I want to look like that. And when you and

Alla Bardov: 00:26:37

I hung it in our closet. And so every day when she would look at

Alla Bardov: 00:26:41

it, you know, it made her made healthier choices. So that's

Alla Bardov: 00:26:46

also visualization. And it can play a huge part in just about

Alla Bardov: 00:26:50

anything that we want to accomplish. Even writing,

Alla Bardov: 00:26:54

writing a book Never did my life did I think that I would write a

Alla Bardov: 00:26:57

book. But the first thing is, you know, your visual, you

Alla Bardov: 00:26:59

visualize, you visualize people reading it, you visualize the

Alla Bardov: 00:27:02

impact it's going to make on others. So very, it's very

Alla Bardov: 00:27:06

important.

Janice Porter: 00:27:07

That's, that's so great. And, and comes with this

Janice Porter: 00:27:13

new venture that you're on. So you're from this book, you're

Janice Porter: 00:27:17

still doing your sales, training, and all the different

Janice Porter: 00:27:21

aspects of sales training. And now you're going on the road

Janice Porter: 00:27:25

with your book right now you want to share this information

Janice Porter: 00:27:28

by talking on stages and, and in groups of people that you can

Janice Porter: 00:27:33

spread the word. Now I understand there's a workbook

Janice Porter: 00:27:36

that goes with this

Alla Bardov: 00:27:39

workbook, and it's a GET OUT OF THE RABBIT HOLE

Alla Bardov: 00:27:43

workbook, developing your confidence building strategies.

Alla Bardov: 00:27:47

And that's really the only way the best way that you can put

Alla Bardov: 00:27:51

all the strategies to practice because then you can apply them

Alla Bardov: 00:27:54

to yourself. The nice thing about the book is, you know, you

Alla Bardov: 00:27:58

don't have to write on margins, I didn't have to leave you empty

Alla Bardov: 00:28:01

spaces. But the cool thing is, it has by chapter is structured

Alla Bardov: 00:28:07

by chapter and it gives you examples. And then you write

Alla Bardov: 00:28:11

out. You write out the situations based, you know,

Alla Bardov: 00:28:16

based on your situation, right. And a lot of chapters have a

Alla Bardov: 00:28:22

moment of truth. And this is where you actually write, you

Alla Bardov: 00:28:28

know, this is what I do right now. Because oftentimes your

Alla Bardov: 00:28:30

first thing instinct, oh, I don't do that. But if you are

Alla Bardov: 00:28:34

going to, if you are you going to really take this book and put

Alla Bardov: 00:28:38

and put it to use and really become confident. And so the

Alla Bardov: 00:28:43

moment of truth is something very important. And we were mean

Alla Bardov: 00:28:48

you were talking a lot earlier, we were talking on a podcast

Alla Bardov: 00:28:50

about the compliments. And so here's a moment of truth from

Alla Bardov: 00:28:53

the compliments chapter and it says, thinking about the past,

Alla Bardov: 00:28:56

prior to reading the book, write down your responses to when

Alla Bardov: 00:28:59

someone complimented you, if you can't recall, start by paying

Alla Bardov: 00:29:02

attention to how people around you respond to compliments, and

Alla Bardov: 00:29:06

write it down. So an example I got this shirt two years ago

Alla Bardov: 00:29:10

from a garage sale, it's most likely out of style now, but I

Alla Bardov: 00:29:13

want people to write down because unless they write down

Alla Bardov: 00:29:17

and they start catching themselves, you know, it's all

Alla Bardov: 00:29:19

about awareness, and replacing what they do to something to

Alla Bardov: 00:29:24

what they should be doing to become confident. So that's what

Alla Bardov: 00:29:27

the workbook is all about. And it's available on Amazon as

Alla Bardov: 00:29:30

well.

Janice Porter: 00:29:31

Okay, awesome. Yeah, I remember always saying

Janice Porter: 00:29:33

to my mom when someone was if I was around her and somebody

Janice Porter: 00:29:36

complimented her mom, just say thank you, just because it was

Janice Porter: 00:29:41

hard for her to do that. Right. So I guess yeah, yes. So last

Janice Porter: 00:29:47

thoughts, in terms of the strategies that people can do to

Janice Porter: 00:29:52

become more to apply to become more confident? What would your

Janice Porter: 00:29:56

top two or three be to share with my audience I'm pretty sure

Janice Porter: 00:30:00

I know what they are, because we've talked about, go ahead.

Alla Bardov: 00:30:04

Yeah, so I really want to cover probably self

Alla Bardov: 00:30:07

doubt, because that's the, that's the main chapter and just

Alla Bardov: 00:30:11

some things to, to put into people's heads because we all

Alla Bardov: 00:30:14

have self doubts and self doubt does not discriminate against

Alla Bardov: 00:30:17

age, or your, or how successful a person is, when self doubt is

Alla Bardov: 00:30:23

a destructive state of mind. And so the first thing, so I'm gonna

Alla Bardov: 00:30:28

give people three things, actually five things that they

Alla Bardov: 00:30:31

need to do, and then they can go for more details into the book.

Alla Bardov: 00:30:34

So the first thing is questioned the validity of your doubt of

Alla Bardov: 00:30:38

your doubts is what should as I always say, doubt, your doubts,

Alla Bardov: 00:30:44

doubt your doubts. Is it really true what you're saying, you

Alla Bardov: 00:30:47

know, and maybe you need training or some skills, then

Alla Bardov: 00:30:50

great, then go and get them get that out of your mind. But what

Alla Bardov: 00:30:55

I also say is voice voice, which you're thinking to yourself to a

Alla Bardov: 00:31:00

group of people that you that love you and your trusted

Alla Bardov: 00:31:04

circle, voice it to your significant others voices to

Alla Bardov: 00:31:09

maybe your grown up, kids voice it to your best friend, who has

Alla Bardov: 00:31:13

your best interests in mind, and say, This is what I'm saying to

Alla Bardov: 00:31:16

myself? Is it true? Chances are, it's not they wouldn't agree

Alla Bardov: 00:31:20

with you. And probably you should not agree with yourself

Alla Bardov: 00:31:23

either. And, you know, and then you possibly could be also

Alla Bardov: 00:31:27

hearing the voices of someone else what someone said, to make

Alla Bardov: 00:31:32

you feel that way. So that's number one. question the

Alla Bardov: 00:31:34

validity of your doubts. Number two, become consciously aware of

Alla Bardov: 00:31:39

when you're talking to yourself, you know, what are you saying

Alla Bardov: 00:31:41

maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe I'm not the person they're

Alla Bardov: 00:31:44

looking for? Nobody's gonna read my book. I mean, is that true?

Alla Bardov: 00:31:48

No, it's absolutely not true. But these are the things that

Alla Bardov: 00:31:51

you go through as you're going through the process. So

Alla Bardov: 00:31:54

consciously become aware. And then this is my favorite part,

Alla Bardov: 00:31:57

and acknowledge and name your doubting thoughts. So anytime

Alla Bardov: 00:32:02

you hear a doubting thought that that comes, name it. So for me

Alla Bardov: 00:32:07

it was go away, rabbits go away anytime. And to this day, any

Alla Bardov: 00:32:11

you know, because we're not no one's immune, no one is immune

Alla Bardov: 00:32:14

against self doubt. But if you have the strategies, and you

Alla Bardov: 00:32:18

know what to do, so you name anytime I have a self doubting

Alla Bardov: 00:32:22

thoughts, and especially in the chapter when I explain it, name

Alla Bardov: 00:32:25

it. So go away, rabbit go away. And then what you want to do is

Alla Bardov: 00:32:28

shift your attention to now. And you know, now is the only really

Alla Bardov: 00:32:32

moment that we can control whether it's through your

Alla Bardov: 00:32:34

breathing through your music, you know, whatever, however, it

Alla Bardov: 00:32:38

is that you that you can come to now. And then, and then replace

Alla Bardov: 00:32:48

them with something positive. You know, I have a separate

Alla Bardov: 00:32:50

chapter on I am statements. So if you're saying I am not good

Alla Bardov: 00:32:53

enough, who will read my book, I am a great author. I am, I will

Alla Bardov: 00:33:00

be helping so many people build confidence. So those are just a

Alla Bardov: 00:33:04

few. A few strategies really on self doubt, because it affects

Alla Bardov: 00:33:09

so many of

Janice Porter: 00:33:10

us. Yeah. And all starts with ourselves, doesn't

Janice Porter: 00:33:12

it? It

Alla Bardov: 00:33:13

does. It absolutely does.

Janice Porter: 00:33:15

So thank you so much for all of that. All the

Janice Porter: 00:33:18

strategies, sharing your stories with us, and where can i Where

Janice Porter: 00:33:24

Can my audience find you? And I will put

Alla Bardov: 00:33:28

they can find me on my website is sell yourself for

Alla Bardov: 00:33:31

success.com? Yes. And the book, the book is on get out of the

Alla Bardov: 00:33:36

rabbit hole.com And it can be the book can be purchased on

Alla Bardov: 00:33:41

Amazon as well as Barnes and Nobles.

Janice Porter: 00:33:44

Perfect. I will put all that in the show notes.

Janice Porter: 00:33:46

And I do recommend that anybody who's an entrepreneur in

Janice Porter: 00:33:50

business should read this book because it definitely brings all

Janice Porter: 00:33:54

of these things to the forefront that we can help that will help

Janice Porter: 00:33:57

make us a better person conference. Yes, thank you and

Janice Porter: 00:34:01

thanks for being here. Thank you to my audience. If you liked

Janice Porter: 00:34:04

what you heard, please subscribe and leave a an honest review.

Janice Porter: 00:34:09

Thank you again, and stay connected. Remember Thank you