The Power of a Few Kind Words: Lessons from a Year of Giving with Tracey Gates | RR284

Janice Porter: 00:00:03

Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's episode

Janice Porter: 00:00:06

of relationships rule. Tracy gates is my guest today, and

Janice Porter: 00:00:12

just perfect guest for this perfect week, because Tracy is a

Janice Porter: 00:00:17

kindness ambassador, a wellness coach, and the author of this

Janice Porter: 00:00:21

amazing book that I just finished reading, the power of a

Janice Porter: 00:00:24

few kind words create a more meaningful life one letter at a

Janice Porter: 00:00:29

time. I'm holding it up in case it ever gets to be video. But

Janice Porter: 00:00:33

anyway, the book is delightful, and I was so glad to read it,

Janice Porter: 00:00:37

and more importantly, to have Tracy on my show. So welcome to

Janice Porter: 00:00:40

the show, Tracy.

Tracey Gates: 00:00:42

Thank you so much. Janice, it is a privilege and a

Tracey Gates: 00:00:45

pleasure to spend some time with you.

Janice Porter: 00:00:47

Thank you. I actually came across Tracy doing

Janice Porter: 00:00:52

a Facebook live with a couple of friends of mine who are part of

Janice Porter: 00:00:57

the organization that I belong to and have been affiliated with

Janice Porter: 00:01:00

for at the time of this airing, it will be just over 16 years

Janice Porter: 00:01:04

that I've been affiliated with the greeting card company that

Janice Porter: 00:01:08

I'm with Send Out Cards. And it's also going to be airing the

Janice Porter: 00:01:13

day before World Kindness Day on purpose, because I'm so excited

Janice Porter: 00:01:18

about Tracy and her mission and what she has accomplished in

Janice Porter: 00:01:23

365, days, which is what this book is about, in essence, but

Janice Porter: 00:01:28

it's also about way more than that. So Tracy, I want to start

Janice Porter: 00:01:32

at the beginning. I want to start with with the beginning of

Janice Porter: 00:01:36

this book, how it came to be. And I think if I recall it was

Janice Porter: 00:01:40

when your mom was in her last days and was in hospice, and I

Janice Porter: 00:01:46

think that's how it started. Correct me? If I'm wrong, that's

Janice Porter: 00:01:49

not where the name came from. We'll get to that too. Yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:01:51

please share with me.

Tracey Gates: 00:01:53

Well, thank you. So I I challenged myself a

Tracey Gates: 00:01:58

number of years ago to write a handwritten, unexpected letter

Tracey Gates: 00:02:02

of appreciation to a different person every day for one year.

Tracey Gates: 00:02:05

And that really came out of this period of time in my life where

Tracey Gates: 00:02:09

I was caring for my aging mother, who was just, you know,

Tracey Gates: 00:02:13

sort of in a in a decline, and she lived two and a half hours

Tracey Gates: 00:02:16

away from me, and I was having to drive from New Jersey to Long

Tracey Gates: 00:02:19

Island. And if any of your listeners know that drive, it's

Tracey Gates: 00:02:22

a very unpleasant, traffic filled drive, and I was doing

Tracey Gates: 00:02:27

that a couple of times a week, and and in addition to that, I

Tracey Gates: 00:02:30

had sort of a stressful work situation, and I found myself

Tracey Gates: 00:02:34

developing an autoimmune disease. And here I am a health

Tracey Gates: 00:02:38

coach, and I really think I take good care of myself, and I

Tracey Gates: 00:02:41

really believe that that happened because of stress. And

Tracey Gates: 00:02:44

I think that that all of us can relate to that you know, that

Tracey Gates: 00:02:49

that the problems that stress can cause in our life both both

Tracey Gates: 00:02:52

physically and emotionally. So I just decided it was sort of out

Tracey Gates: 00:02:56

of the blue, but I had this random challenge to myself that

Tracey Gates: 00:03:00

if daily stress could cause this physical and emotional decline,

Tracey Gates: 00:03:04

what would happen if I put a daily dose of kindness on my to

Tracey Gates: 00:03:07

do list? And I, you know, I had had my my private clients as a

Tracey Gates: 00:03:13

life and wellness coach, I'd always have them write a letter

Tracey Gates: 00:03:15

of appreciation to somebody as a way to just get out of their own

Tracey Gates: 00:03:18

head to, sort of, you know, just fill themselves with positivity.

Tracey Gates: 00:03:22

And I saw such such beautiful results from that. And I

Tracey Gates: 00:03:27

realized that I had been someone who wrote letters my whole life.

Tracey Gates: 00:03:31

I never really thought about it. It was not intentional. And I

Tracey Gates: 00:03:34

really wanted to to see what happened when kindness became

Tracey Gates: 00:03:37

intentional, when I became proactive about it, and it was

Tracey Gates: 00:03:41

transformational in so many beautiful, amazing ways, and it

Tracey Gates: 00:03:47

just empowered me so much. And I want the world to understand

Tracey Gates: 00:03:50

that we all have this ability to make ourselves and others feel

Tracey Gates: 00:03:54

better when we simply share our kind thoughts. And so out of

Tracey Gates: 00:03:58

that came a book, which is how you found me,

Janice Porter: 00:04:01

exactly, well, and when, when I heard you

Janice Porter: 00:04:05

talking with joy and Sean on their little podcast, I just

Janice Porter: 00:04:13

said, This person is like resonating with me. I have to

Janice Porter: 00:04:16

have her on my podcast and they, of course, obviously, I know it

Janice Porter: 00:04:20

was a random meeting that you and Sean met at a networking

Janice Porter: 00:04:22

event. I think, right, yes, and, and we all feel this, this way

Janice Porter: 00:04:26

about the and through the company that we've been

Janice Porter: 00:04:30

affiliated with, we are constantly talking about the

Janice Porter: 00:04:33

Kindness Movement and, and when I'm sharing the system of of

Janice Porter: 00:04:38

greeting cards that we have a way of making it easy for people

Janice Porter: 00:04:44

to send notes and cards to people. I'm always saying, Sure,

Janice Porter: 00:04:48

you can send birthday cards, you can send holiday cards, but the

Janice Porter: 00:04:51

most important card you ever send someone is that unexpected

Janice Porter: 00:04:55

card. And there's story after story about that, and you have

Janice Porter: 00:04:59

these in. Amazing Stories in in your book that talk about that

Janice Porter: 00:05:03

as well. And you say in your book that the experiment, if it

Janice Porter: 00:05:08

could positively influence your well being, as you just said,

Janice Porter: 00:05:12

then it to shock your system back into regular rhythm and

Janice Porter: 00:05:16

transform your life. That would be amazing. And you notice

Janice Porter: 00:05:19

changes within weeks, but it was more than that, right? It was,

Janice Porter: 00:05:23

it was what it did. I know I always tell people, you know,

Janice Porter: 00:05:26

when you send a card to someone, you're making their day, but it

Janice Porter: 00:05:29

makes your day too, because you don't sure does, yeah, how much

Janice Porter: 00:05:33

sense makes you feel better. And so I have so many pages marked

Janice Porter: 00:05:38

in this book I can't tell you. You say kindness is a learned

Janice Porter: 00:05:41

behavior. And can you speak to that?

Tracey Gates: 00:05:47

Sure you know it's this idea that, well, there's an

Tracey Gates: 00:05:52

author I love named Houston craft, and he wrote a book

Tracey Gates: 00:05:54

called Deep kindness. And in it, he says, nice happens when you

Tracey Gates: 00:05:58

have the time. Kind happens when you make the time? Oh, I love

Tracey Gates: 00:06:02

that. And, you know, I think we, we're all big fans, I'm sure, of

Tracey Gates: 00:06:05

random acts of kindness and holding the door for somebody,

Tracey Gates: 00:06:07

because we happen to be walking through it, you know. And that's

Tracey Gates: 00:06:10

great. Keep doing that. But when we, I think we have to be become

Tracey Gates: 00:06:14

very, as I said, intentional about kindness. You know? I

Tracey Gates: 00:06:18

would, I would have to think every day now, who am I going to

Tracey Gates: 00:06:21

write to? And I became I started to one of my favorite words now.

Tracey Gates: 00:06:25

I started to linger. I started to engage in conversation with

Tracey Gates: 00:06:29

people that I knew well, people I worked with, people you know,

Tracey Gates: 00:06:33

at the checkout line, the woman who made me the best chai latte

Tracey Gates: 00:06:36

ever. I just started to make more eye contact. I started to

Tracey Gates: 00:06:40

engage people in conversation, I started to really listen for

Tracey Gates: 00:06:44

their answer. And I realized that there is so much to

Tracey Gates: 00:06:48

appreciate about about everybody. If we make the time,

Tracey Gates: 00:06:52

if we become proactive, we make the time to look for it, and

Tracey Gates: 00:06:55

then it's not just that, you know, it's not just walking away

Tracey Gates: 00:06:58

thinking, wow, you know, Janice is such, you know, an impressive

Tracey Gates: 00:07:02

leader. I love her warmth, you know, I need to tell her that.

Tracey Gates: 00:07:06

And that's, you know, I call it missed opportunities for

Tracey Gates: 00:07:09

connection. When we have a nice thought about somebody and we

Tracey Gates: 00:07:12

let it just pass through us, and it's taking these few minutes,

Tracey Gates: 00:07:15

and you certainly have been doing it for 16 years with your

Tracey Gates: 00:07:18

business, we need to tell each other what we admire,

Tracey Gates: 00:07:23

appreciate, love and respect about them. Otherwise, you know,

Tracey Gates: 00:07:27

it's it's this, it's a gift that we didn't share, and it makes

Tracey Gates: 00:07:30

ourselves feel better, First and most importantly, and then it's

Tracey Gates: 00:07:34

a gift to your recipient.

Janice Porter: 00:07:37

You know, you were in my in my head, or my

Janice Porter: 00:07:39

heart, probably my heart the other day, because when I was

Janice Porter: 00:07:43

out and about, and I was I was getting new tires on my car,

Janice Porter: 00:07:47

actually, and I remember the first day I went, we with my

Janice Porter: 00:07:51

husband, to to this place to see if we wanted to get them there

Janice Porter: 00:07:54

and whatever, what sold me on going back and getting the tires

Janice Porter: 00:07:59

at this particular place was the girl at the counter and how

Janice Porter: 00:08:04

helpful she was and how kind and how patient she was with us

Janice Porter: 00:08:09

there and then, when I went back to get the tires, another girl

Janice Porter: 00:08:16

greeted us when we went in, but I felt I needed to talk to my

Janice Porter: 00:08:20

girl again because of that and and I noticed that. And I

Janice Porter: 00:08:26

noticed something else, where I was that I took an extra minute

Janice Porter: 00:08:29

because I love that word that you use, linger. Take that time

Janice Porter: 00:08:32

to just say, How is your day going? Or, you know, to engage

Janice Porter: 00:08:37

that person that's that's slugging, slogging away at their

Janice Porter: 00:08:40

job that day, because it makes such a difference. And then, of

Janice Porter: 00:08:44

course, if you go one step further, like I love you, to

Janice Porter: 00:08:47

tell the story about the chai latte, because that was a cute

Janice Porter: 00:08:51

one, and you'd mentioned it just now. Would you mind? Sure story,

Janice Porter: 00:08:54

that was one of your letters. So

Tracey Gates: 00:08:56

I don't drink coffee. I'm a big fan of chai

Tracey Gates: 00:08:58

latte, but it has to be sweet, not spicy. So I'm always sort of

Tracey Gates: 00:09:02

on the lookout for a good chai latte. And a new coffee shop

Tracey Gates: 00:09:06

opened in our town within walking distance of my home. And

Tracey Gates: 00:09:09

I was very excited about that, because that would mean that,

Tracey Gates: 00:09:12

you know, I could go there often if I liked it. And so I was

Tracey Gates: 00:09:15

waiting online at, you know, at the coffee shop for my turn, and

Tracey Gates: 00:09:21

when I got up to the counter, I realized I looked at the menu

Tracey Gates: 00:09:24

and I didn't see chai latte on on the board. And I must have

Tracey Gates: 00:09:27

had sort of a stricken look on my face, but I said to the

Tracey Gates: 00:09:29

barista, please tell me you make chai latte. And the barista was

Tracey Gates: 00:09:34

probably in her 60s, and she she was not very expressive how I

Tracey Gates: 00:09:39

had been watching her, you know, for the people online ahead of

Tracey Gates: 00:09:41

me. And she paused, and then she looked me dead, dead in the eye,

Tracey Gates: 00:09:45

and she said, I'm going to make you the best shy latte you've

Tracey Gates: 00:09:47

ever had. And I was just really taken aback. I thought, well, I

Tracey Gates: 00:09:52

said the first thing that came to my mind, well, that's a

Tracey Gates: 00:09:54

ballsy statement. Game on, like, Okay, how do you know what I

Tracey Gates: 00:09:58

like? And anyway, we started to. Answer back and forth, and she,

Tracey Gates: 00:10:01

you know, bore the little of this and froth the milk and

Tracey Gates: 00:10:04

added cinnamon. And then she put it on the counter, and she

Tracey Gates: 00:10:07

pushed it towards me, and she motioned for me to take a sip.

Tracey Gates: 00:10:10

And so I picked it up, and I smelled it first, and it and it

Tracey Gates: 00:10:13

smelled sweet, and I took a sip, and absolutely, unequivocally,

Tracey Gates: 00:10:18

to this day, it was the best chai latte that I've ever had.

Tracey Gates: 00:10:22

And I just, you know, I told her that, and I said, What is your

Tracey Gates: 00:10:25

name? And she said, Cynthia. And I said, Well, Cynthia, I am

Tracey Gates: 00:10:28

absolutely going to be back and often. Thank you so much for

Tracey Gates: 00:10:31

making my day. And I left the store. I was walking home and

Tracey Gates: 00:10:35

and I was just sort of, I could feel that I had a much lighter

Tracey Gates: 00:10:39

energy about me than before I entered the store, you know, it

Tracey Gates: 00:10:42

was an unexpected, pleasant exchange, and I was having these

Tracey Gates: 00:10:45

nice thoughts about Cynthia. So when I got home, I decided that

Tracey Gates: 00:10:49

she would be my letter recipient for the day, and I just, you

Tracey Gates: 00:10:52

know, jotted down, sort of what I just said to you. You know,

Tracey Gates: 00:10:55

that she took the time and she engaged me, and I appreciated

Tracey Gates: 00:10:59

her and the way she treated me. So the next day, I went back and

Tracey Gates: 00:11:02

I and I was very disappointed to see that she was not working. So

Tracey Gates: 00:11:06

I handed the letter to the manager, who promised me she

Tracey Gates: 00:11:09

would share it with Cynthia. And then I wasn't able to go back

Tracey Gates: 00:11:12

for about two weeks. And when I went back in, Cynthia had her

Tracey Gates: 00:11:16

back to the door. She was making a coffee for a gentleman, but

Tracey Gates: 00:11:20

she kind of looked over her shoulder, but didn't, not,

Tracey Gates: 00:11:22

didn't turn all the way, and she just said, What will you have?

Tracey Gates: 00:11:26

And I said, Well, I'll have the best chai latte ever. And with

Tracey Gates: 00:11:30

that, the poor guy, right? She stopped making his coffee. She

Tracey Gates: 00:11:33

turned around, her eyes instantly filled with tears, and

Tracey Gates: 00:11:37

she said, I have been doing this job for decades, and nobody has

Tracey Gates: 00:11:42

ever taken the time to tell me that they appreciate what I do

Tracey Gates: 00:11:45

or how I do it. She came around the counter and she gave me a

Tracey Gates: 00:11:49

pre pandemic 32nd hug that I can still feel in my in my bones

Tracey Gates: 00:11:54

today, and she just said, You made not only my day, but my

Tracey Gates: 00:11:58

week, my month and my year, and I've been reading your letter

Tracey Gates: 00:12:01

every day before I come to work, and you know, I I was so I was

Tracey Gates: 00:12:07

just blown away by her response. And I thought, well, first of

Tracey Gates: 00:12:11

all, that's the saddest thing that she that this LED that my

Tracey Gates: 00:12:14

simple letter, what I thought was so simple, had such an

Tracey Gates: 00:12:17

impact. And this was early on in my year of letter writing, and

Tracey Gates: 00:12:20

it made me really become cognizant of the fact that

Tracey Gates: 00:12:25

people rarely receive letters like this unexpectedly, because

Tracey Gates: 00:12:29

people are rarely writing them, and that every one of us has the

Tracey Gates: 00:12:34

ability to take five minutes grab a post it note, company

Tracey Gates: 00:12:39

letterhead, monogram, stationary, the back of a

Tracey Gates: 00:12:41

receipt and tell something. I tell somebody something nice

Tracey Gates: 00:12:44

about them. It can take 30 seconds or five minutes, and we

Tracey Gates: 00:12:48

can change somebody's and make somebody's day, week, month,

Tracey Gates: 00:12:51

year, just like Cynthia.

Janice Porter: 00:12:53

It's such a great story and and today, and I have

Janice Porter: 00:12:57

to because of what I do, I have to just add they can even do it

Janice Porter: 00:13:00

from their phone. They can go to our app, they can find a card.

Janice Porter: 00:13:04

It can just say, just because which is what I love, just a

Janice Porter: 00:13:08

note or or thank you or whatever, and then write that

Janice Porter: 00:13:12

message. Even add a photo of the person, if they have one that

Janice Porter: 00:13:17

they've taken or that they they find on Facebook or whatever,

Janice Porter: 00:13:20

and click Send, and it's gone, and a real card will come in the

Janice Porter: 00:13:25

mail to that person. And I love that you said it can be that,

Janice Porter: 00:13:29

you know, it can be monogram stationary, or it can be a post

Janice Porter: 00:13:32

it note. It doesn't matter, but, and it even doesn't matter

Janice Porter: 00:13:36

whether it's done on your phone electronically anymore, because

Janice Porter: 00:13:41

if anything will get someone to do that, then that's great,

Janice Porter: 00:13:46

right? If that's right, that's right. It makes it happen,

Janice Porter: 00:13:49

because it doesn't happen so much of the time, right? That's

Tracey Gates: 00:13:52

right. I mean, my journey and my book is about the

Tracey Gates: 00:13:55

power of the handwritten letter. However, i To your point, if

Tracey Gates: 00:13:59

you're not going to take the time to do that, please pick up

Tracey Gates: 00:14:03

the phone, send one of your beautiful cards, whatever,

Tracey Gates: 00:14:07

whatever it is that do it from your phone, because you will be

Tracey Gates: 00:14:11

surprised. Every one of your audience and every person in

Tracey Gates: 00:14:14

this world loves to go to their mailbox, open it up and find an

Tracey Gates: 00:14:18

unexpected letter for no reason. I never do it around a birthday

Tracey Gates: 00:14:22

or a holiday, as you said, yeah, and to suddenly just hear, hey,

Tracey Gates: 00:14:26

I think you're pretty terrific. And this is why they're going to

Tracey Gates: 00:14:29

they're going to share that letter if they have someone to

Tracey Gates: 00:14:31

share it with in their home, and they'll never throw it away.

Tracey Gates: 00:14:33

They're never going to throw it away. It is going to be saved

Tracey Gates: 00:14:36

forever in their special box or file. And I, you know, I just

Tracey Gates: 00:14:41

want to reiterate over and over that this world is craving

Tracey Gates: 00:14:45

kindness, and it doesn't take much. And if everyone just, you

Tracey Gates: 00:14:49

know, I offer a challenge to to everyone for Try, try for seven

Tracey Gates: 00:14:54

days, for one week, to write a letter of appreciation to

Tracey Gates: 00:14:58

somebody and see how you feel. Because really, I mean, it's

Tracey Gates: 00:15:01

wonderful for the recipient, but it's really about how it it

Tracey Gates: 00:15:04

affects the letter writer.

Janice Porter: 00:15:06

Yes, yeah. And one of the very cool things

Janice Porter: 00:15:09

about your book is, at the end of each chapter, you do give a

Janice Porter: 00:15:12

challenge and and a suggestion for people to do things moving

Janice Porter: 00:15:16

forward. Um, do you? You say, consider this, and then for your

Janice Porter: 00:15:20

journey, and those are your pieces through the to to empower

Janice Porter: 00:15:25

other people to, you know, think about doing and actually do it.

Janice Porter: 00:15:28

I wanted to know if you and, Oh, and one other thing about what

Janice Porter: 00:15:31

we just talked about is that when they get that letter or

Janice Porter: 00:15:34

that card, whatever it is that comes in the mail, usually as

Janice Porter: 00:15:37

the fact that it comes in an envelope that isn't look like a

Janice Porter: 00:15:40

number 10 envelope with a or, you know, with a cellophane on

Janice Porter: 00:15:44

the, you know, right? Yeah? And that window, yeah, a window

Janice Porter: 00:15:48

envelope, right? Or it's not a bill. They're excited and

Janice Porter: 00:15:52

they'll open it. And what happens when they do open it is,

Janice Porter: 00:15:54

it takes them from their head to their heart, yes, those

Janice Porter: 00:15:57

endorphins that are released is, that's where, what what we're

Janice Porter: 00:16:01

doing right when we're sending that kindness out. So yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:16:06

there was another story that really struck me, and that was

Janice Porter: 00:16:09

that I would love you to share, which was the one about Miss

Janice Porter: 00:16:12

Davis when you were on jury duty. Do you mind sharing that?

Janice Porter: 00:16:16

I love that? No, not. I

Tracey Gates: 00:16:18

love, I love sharing the story. You know, I,

Tracey Gates: 00:16:21

like, like, most of us, have been called for jury duty. We

Tracey Gates: 00:16:24

don't always, all my years, you haven't, no, wow. Well, maybe

Tracey Gates: 00:16:29

you're about to be maybe. And I would suggest that you go. So,

Tracey Gates: 00:16:34

you know, most people don't really want to go. And you're, I

Tracey Gates: 00:16:36

was sent a piece of paper with a barcode on it, and you have to

Tracey Gates: 00:16:39

bring it with you, and they scan you in. I got to the courthouse.

Tracey Gates: 00:16:43

There was I waited on a long line. I call it like a cattle

Tracey Gates: 00:16:46

call line. About 150 people are called each day, and you have to

Tracey Gates: 00:16:50

check in with one of two women sitting behind a desk. And I got

Tracey Gates: 00:16:55

to the one, it was my turn. I gave them my paper. She scanned

Tracey Gates: 00:16:57

me in, and then she stopped, and she looked me right in the eye.

Tracey Gates: 00:17:00

And she said, Good morning, Tracy. We're so happy to have

Tracey Gates: 00:17:03

you here. Please take a seat wherever you want. When

Tracey Gates: 00:17:06

everyone's checked in, we'll tell you how the day will

Tracey Gates: 00:17:08

unfold. And that just struck me in this setting, to be addressed

Tracey Gates: 00:17:12

by name and have eye contact, right? So I sat in the front of

Tracey Gates: 00:17:16

the room and I watched these two women, and they did that for

Tracey Gates: 00:17:18

every single person they checked in, addressed by name and eye

Tracey Gates: 00:17:21

contact. So then one of the women, finally, after we were

Tracey Gates: 00:17:25

all settled, she stood up and she told us had the day would

Tracey Gates: 00:17:28

unfold. And again, I found myself pleasantly surprised. She

Tracey Gates: 00:17:32

was so warm. And then she was actually funny, and I was

Tracey Gates: 00:17:36

laughing in the courthouse, which, again, was not something

Tracey Gates: 00:17:38

I expected. And she has. She said, you know, at the end, when

Tracey Gates: 00:17:42

you get dismissed from your jury, you have to come back into

Tracey Gates: 00:17:45

this room and check out with us and scan out, otherwise you will

Tracey Gates: 00:17:48

be arrested. And you know, we were all she just, she just had

Tracey Gates: 00:17:51

a great, great way about her, and she was very appreciative of

Tracey Gates: 00:17:54

our time. So and, oh, and then she said, I've been doing that.

Tracey Gates: 00:17:58

She'd been doing the same job for 28 years. And that really

Tracey Gates: 00:18:01

struck me, because, again, it was a job that didn't seem like

Tracey Gates: 00:18:04

it would be particularly engaging. And so anyway, I got

Tracey Gates: 00:18:08

called, then I had to wait a while before I got called for my

Tracey Gates: 00:18:12

jury. And I decided that I would write a letter to this woman and

Tracey Gates: 00:18:16

just tell her that it was a different experience than I

Tracey Gates: 00:18:18

expected, and I really appreciated the way she treated

Tracey Gates: 00:18:21

us. So I found out her name was Miss Davis, and I wrote Miss

Tracey Gates: 00:18:25

Davis a note, and then I was called for my jury, and I left

Tracey Gates: 00:18:28

the note on her desk. She did not see me do that. The next

Tracey Gates: 00:18:31

day, I was dismissed from my jury, and because I didn't want

Tracey Gates: 00:18:34

to be arrested, I went back in to check out, and it was the

Tracey Gates: 00:18:37

same two women, and it was the morning, and there was the long

Tracey Gates: 00:18:40

line again, and when it was my turn, Miss Davis was working

Tracey Gates: 00:18:43

with someone else, so I checked out with the other woman. She

Tracey Gates: 00:18:46

scanned my name in, and then she said, Wait a minute. Apparently

Tracey Gates: 00:18:50

Miss Davis had asked her to be on alert for me, because I had

Tracey Gates: 00:18:52

signed my name on the card. And she tapped Miss Davis on the

Tracey Gates: 00:18:56

shoulder, and she looked up, and then she, you know, she just

Tracey Gates: 00:19:00

kind of motioned for me to meet her in the front of the desk,

Tracey Gates: 00:19:03

and she got up, she walked around, and in front of the next

Tracey Gates: 00:19:06

days 150 jurors, she said a very similar thing to that. Cynthia

Tracey Gates: 00:19:11

said to me. She said, I have been doing this for 28 years,

Tracey Gates: 00:19:14

and nobody has ever in this jury pool written me a note to tell

Tracey Gates: 00:19:18

me they appreciate how I do conduct myself. And she said, I

Tracey Gates: 00:19:22

brought the letter home to my family. I read it to them at

Tracey Gates: 00:19:24

dinner, and again, you made not only my day, but my week, my

Tracey Gates: 00:19:28

month, my year. I mean, she said the same thing that Cynthia

Tracey Gates: 00:19:31

said, and then she gave me another one of these beautiful

Tracey Gates: 00:19:34

hugs. And I I left that courthouse again with just a

Tracey Gates: 00:19:38

skip in my step, and leaving a courthouse with a skip in your

Tracey Gates: 00:19:40

step. I don't know it wasn't what I was expecting you.

Tracey Gates: 00:19:42

Expecting, right? And there's a beautiful sort of addendum to

Tracey Gates: 00:19:46

the story, and that it's that, you know, I've shared the story

Tracey Gates: 00:19:50

about Miss Davis at many workshops over the over the

Tracey Gates: 00:19:52

years, and I decided when I was writing the book that I needed

Tracey Gates: 00:19:56

to get in touch with her. I just needed to let her know that she

Tracey Gates: 00:19:58

continued to be. A bright spot in my life, and I had no idea if

Tracey Gates: 00:20:02

she'd still be working at the courthouse, but I left some

Tracey Gates: 00:20:05

emails at, you know, in different spots on the on the

Tracey Gates: 00:20:08

website. And a few hours later, my phone rang, and I answered

Tracey Gates: 00:20:13

it, and this woman said, I hear you've been looking for me. This

Tracey Gates: 00:20:15

is Miss Davis, and we had such a joyful reunion. And I said, Do

Tracey Gates: 00:20:20

you even remember me? And she said, not. She said, Well, do I

Tracey Gates: 00:20:24

remember you? She said, You are the nicest person who's ever

Tracey Gates: 00:20:26

come through the jury the jury room. And she said, You know, I

Tracey Gates: 00:20:30

kept your note taped to my wall. And she said, when COVID

Tracey Gates: 00:20:35

happened, we were told to take home everything that was

Tracey Gates: 00:20:38

important to us, because, of course, at the time, nobody knew

Tracey Gates: 00:20:40

how long we'd be closed. She said, I took your note home, and

Tracey Gates: 00:20:44

it hangs on my living room wall with the pictures of my

Tracey Gates: 00:20:46

grandchildren, bless her, which just, you know, it's just

Tracey Gates: 00:20:51

remarkable to me. You know, the here, this was something that I

Tracey Gates: 00:20:55

it was heartfelt and it was authentic, but it wasn't, you

Tracey Gates: 00:20:58

know, I wrote it in five minutes sitting there, and it meant that

Tracey Gates: 00:21:02

much to her that it's hanging with her children and pictures

Tracey Gates: 00:21:05

of her children. And I, I just, I don't want any of us to

Tracey Gates: 00:21:08

underestimate the power that we have. You know, I call it a

Tracey Gates: 00:21:12

superpower, but we can change the trajectory of our own lives

Tracey Gates: 00:21:16

and others when we are intentional about kindness when

Tracey Gates: 00:21:21

it becomes of that a value that is the most important one in

Tracey Gates: 00:21:25

your life.

Janice Porter: 00:21:27

Yeah, your message is like, so strong and

Janice Porter: 00:21:29

so powerful. I You talk about how you weren't, and this is an

Janice Porter: 00:21:35

important piece about that unexpected letter or card that

Janice Porter: 00:21:39

goes to somebody is that you give, you send out to give, not

Janice Porter: 00:21:42

to get, and so you're not expecting anything in return.

Janice Porter: 00:21:46

You just let it go out to the universe and to that person. And

Janice Porter: 00:21:50

what I thought was interesting is, out of the 365 letters that

Janice Porter: 00:21:55

you wrote, you you heard back from more than half of them, I

Janice Porter: 00:21:59

think it was, what was the number I did? It

Tracey Gates: 00:22:01

was 167, it was, yeah. It was about 67% Yeah,

Tracey Gates: 00:22:06

that's right. And I was, I don't know why I kept track. It was

Tracey Gates: 00:22:09

just for my own because it was, sort of became the study that I

Tracey Gates: 00:22:12

was doing exactly again, I truly have no expectation to hear back

Tracey Gates: 00:22:16

from people. And just as you say, please write these with the

Tracey Gates: 00:22:20

expectation that you won't you if you never, if you never hear

Tracey Gates: 00:22:23

back, it doesn't mean that it was not impactful, right? You

Tracey Gates: 00:22:27

know, you just, it just didn't warrant a response from that.

Janice Porter: 00:22:31

Well, it was funny. I was, I was on a call

Janice Porter: 00:22:34

with a couple of people. I don't know if it was a networking like

Janice Porter: 00:22:37

a breakout room or something, and one of the people was

Janice Porter: 00:22:44

someone I knew, and the other one wasn't. And we, I guess,

Janice Porter: 00:22:46

they asked me what I did or something, and I mentioned the

Janice Porter: 00:22:49

that I, you know, help people nurture relationships through

Janice Porter: 00:22:53

sending cards and gifts. And the other person said, I still have

Janice Porter: 00:22:58

the card you sent me on my desk from five years ago, and it's

Janice Porter: 00:23:02

got my picture on it, and I, and I always thought, like, almost

Janice Porter: 00:23:04

embarrassed, but no,

Tracey Gates: 00:23:06

like, that's the thing that's beautiful. It

Tracey Gates: 00:23:08

happens.

Janice Porter: 00:23:08

It happens when you're not expecting it, right,

Janice Porter: 00:23:11

right? Yeah, that's right. People do not. It's

Tracey Gates: 00:23:13

hard to throw away kind words about yourself, and

Tracey Gates: 00:23:16

it's a great I say it's like a dose of medicine and envelope

Tracey Gates: 00:23:19

because it physically makes you feel better. That release of

Tracey Gates: 00:23:22

serotonin, the reduction of stress, you know, to boost our

Tracey Gates: 00:23:25

immune system, we sleep better. It alleviates pain. But the and

Tracey Gates: 00:23:31

then the recipient, you know, has this, this beautiful,

Tracey Gates: 00:23:34

tangible thing that they can reference when they're having a

Tracey Gates: 00:23:37

down day,

Janice Porter: 00:23:38

absolutely so I do think it's important to to

Janice Porter: 00:23:41

share with my audience the the origin of the name of your book,

Janice Porter: 00:23:47

The of the power of a few kind words, because that's a phrase

Janice Porter: 00:23:51

that was very special to you, and I think it's important to

Janice Porter: 00:23:53

share that. Would you mind sharing that?

Tracey Gates: 00:23:56

Sure. So I was very blessed to have a beautiful

Tracey Gates: 00:23:59

relationship with my father.

Janice Porter: 00:24:01

Oh, I see on who his

Tracey Gates: 00:24:06

picture, he's in the book, and he was just a

Tracey Gates: 00:24:10

teddy bear, and I and he never had a negative word to say about

Tracey Gates: 00:24:13

anybody. He truly, to this day, is, is the most non judgmental

Tracey Gates: 00:24:16

person that I've ever met. Everybody loved him, but I will

Tracey Gates: 00:24:20

say he had this one really annoying habit, that anytime

Tracey Gates: 00:24:24

anybody in our extended family asked him what he wanted for his

Tracey Gates: 00:24:27

birthday or for Christmas, he said the same thing every time,

Tracey Gates: 00:24:30

all I want is a few kind words. And while that might sound very

Tracey Gates: 00:24:35

sweet, we hated that, right? Because, you know, how do you

Tracey Gates: 00:24:38

wrap that up, you know? So we get him a tie. We get him argyle

Tracey Gates: 00:24:42

socks. My sister and I bought him an actual live Golden

Tracey Gates: 00:24:45

Retriever puppy one year, which he ended up naming bogey after

Tracey Gates: 00:24:49

his most recent golf game, when all he really wanted was a few

Tracey Gates: 00:24:52

kind words. So we never, we kind of brushed it off, and we didn't

Tracey Gates: 00:24:56

pay attention to the fact that, now I know, in hindsight, that

Tracey Gates: 00:24:59

was his. Language of love, words of affirmation. But then, when I

Tracey Gates: 00:25:03

was 24 my dad passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack

Tracey Gates: 00:25:08

on the tennis court. I was engaged for four weeks at that

Tracey Gates: 00:25:11

time, and he would never get to walk me down the aisle, and I

Tracey Gates: 00:25:15

would never get to give him a few kind words. And well, I know

Tracey Gates: 00:25:19

that. I know that he knew I loved him. It wasn't really,

Tracey Gates: 00:25:23

until I became a life and wellness coach 30 years later in

Tracey Gates: 00:25:26

my 50s, that it really, I really embraced that that his love

Tracey Gates: 00:25:32

language is words of affirmation and the same as mine. And so

Tracey Gates: 00:25:36

when I went through that sort of difficult time caring for my mom

Tracey Gates: 00:25:39

and and I decided to challenge myself to write a letter a day

Tracey Gates: 00:25:43

for a year. I just to myself, I named it a few kind words, and

Tracey Gates: 00:25:48

it was like a legacy of love to my dad, and it brought him alive

Tracey Gates: 00:25:51

again. And I would say, like dad, who should we write to

Tracey Gates: 00:25:54

today? You know, Never did I think it was going to turn into

Tracey Gates: 00:25:57

a book at that point, and and so it just a few kind words. Is the

Tracey Gates: 00:26:03

only option for a title for the book for me, and the book is

Tracey Gates: 00:26:07

really part memoir, part self help, and I call that a heaping

Tracey Gates: 00:26:11

dose of positivity.

Janice Porter: 00:26:12

It's beautiful, I know, and I love that, and that

Janice Porter: 00:26:15

it it speaks to, really, the lessons your father taught you

Janice Porter: 00:26:20

as well without you even knowing it. Right kind of thing when you

Janice Porter: 00:26:23

were growing up? Yeah, so I know that it changed your life, and

Janice Porter: 00:26:32

it changed your vocation, really, as well, didn't it?

Janice Porter: 00:26:35

Right? And yes, you're a life and health coach, but what do

Janice Porter: 00:26:39

you spend your time doing now? Oh, well, I

Tracey Gates: 00:26:42

occasionally still have private clients, but my my

Tracey Gates: 00:26:45

passion, really, is sharing this message, and I do it through

Tracey Gates: 00:26:49

workshops all over the all over the country. I've spoken to, you

Tracey Gates: 00:26:53

know, private groups, nonprofits, schools, businesses,

Tracey Gates: 00:26:58

you know, anybody really, I feel like this message is is

Tracey Gates: 00:27:01

appropriate for the lower elementary school kids I've

Tracey Gates: 00:27:04

spoken to, and seniors senior communities as well and and

Tracey Gates: 00:27:09

honestly, there is. It brings joy to my life every day to be

Tracey Gates: 00:27:13

able to just remind people of a power that they have, and to

Tracey Gates: 00:27:18

know that that we can do something to promote to move

Tracey Gates: 00:27:22

humanity forward, is a joy. And I really credit my dad, you

Tracey Gates: 00:27:28

know, to be my partner in this. And so I just, I enjoy speaking

Tracey Gates: 00:27:33

to groups, doing podcasts, and it's for me, it's how I hope to

Tracey Gates: 00:27:39

spend the rest

Janice Porter: 00:27:41

of my life. So you start each chapter with with

Janice Porter: 00:27:46

with beautiful quotes. I just opened to chapter 15, kindness

Janice Porter: 00:27:50

is my happily ever after. Be kind whenever possible. It is

Janice Porter: 00:27:54

always possible by the Dalai Lama, and that's so true. And

Janice Porter: 00:28:00

each chapter had a beautiful quote at the beginning. I love

Janice Porter: 00:28:02

quotes, and I love the fact that that this whole movement, I

Janice Porter: 00:28:07

mean, that's what we're all about with. Send Out Cards. It's

Janice Porter: 00:28:11

about the Kindness Movement, and it's, it's one person at a time,

Janice Porter: 00:28:14

it's one card at a time. It's really just making it happen.

Janice Porter: 00:28:18

And so you just sort of fit right in, in the sense of you

Janice Porter: 00:28:24

are a great ambassador of this whole movement. And I love

Janice Porter: 00:28:29

something you just said. It made me think so. When I was

Janice Porter: 00:28:31

teaching, I think it was early on, actually, in my days with

Janice Porter: 00:28:35

Send Out Cards, I wasn't still teaching, and there was a man I

Janice Porter: 00:28:39

met who lit, who was a child psychologist in California, I

Janice Porter: 00:28:44

think he was in LA and he did, he was part of the Send Out

Janice Porter: 00:28:49

Cards program at the time, and he was doing a little experiment

Janice Porter: 00:28:55

with a second grade class who were in the computer room. They

Janice Porter: 00:29:00

had a computer room in their class, and he had each child

Janice Porter: 00:29:04

with the teacher. He did this where the teacher or where the

Janice Porter: 00:29:08

the children each drew a picture of their mom, you know, special

Janice Porter: 00:29:12

picture, and then they, with the teacher's help, they uploaded

Janice Porter: 00:29:14

them to the computer, and they used the Send Out Cards platform

Janice Porter: 00:29:19

to put that photo on the front of each of the kids cards, and

Janice Porter: 00:29:23

then the card to their mom. And so the point being that that

Janice Porter: 00:29:29

same movement, the Kindness Movement, was starting with

Janice Porter: 00:29:31

second graders. And I mean, that's it has to start with our

Janice Porter: 00:29:35

children. It does. It

Tracey Gates: 00:29:37

does. We have to be role models for our children

Tracey Gates: 00:29:39

and for our grandchildren. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I did something

Tracey Gates: 00:29:43

for for a high school, actually, which is another group that

Tracey Gates: 00:29:47

really needs this message. But I recorded a 20 minute video about

Tracey Gates: 00:29:51

a few kind words, and then it was played in every classroom on

Tracey Gates: 00:29:55

this particular day that was a service day, and then there were

Tracey Gates: 00:29:59

1500 Students. And then every one of them in that in their

Tracey Gates: 00:30:03

class then wrote an unexpected letter of appreciation to any

Tracey Gates: 00:30:07

adult in the school community. And 1500 letters of appreciation

Tracey Gates: 00:30:12

were just released, you know, into this community. And, you

Tracey Gates: 00:30:16

know, and I heard beautiful stories back about, about, you

Tracey Gates: 00:30:19

know, how that made everybody feel.

Janice Porter: 00:30:21

Can you repeat that a million times like you

Janice Porter: 00:30:24

have to? Yeah, it's amazing. That's a great idea.

Tracey Gates: 00:30:28

Yeah, it was. So

Janice Porter: 00:30:30

that video that you did, is that video anywhere

Janice Porter: 00:30:35

or

Tracey Gates: 00:30:35

was, well, it's just for this. It was sort of

Tracey Gates: 00:30:38

moderated, or I was introduced by the vice principal of the

Tracey Gates: 00:30:41

school. And, yeah, I wonder if I could use that and cut, cut out

Tracey Gates: 00:30:47

that part of it

Janice Porter: 00:30:48

well. And I, or I can see you redoing that and,

Janice Porter: 00:30:51

and, yeah, putting it out there. And then whoever wants to use

Janice Porter: 00:30:56

it, you could do a little,

Tracey Gates: 00:30:59

yeah, a new intro or something, yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:31:01

because the message has to be out there. And

Janice Porter: 00:31:05

yeah, that, and you're right. I mean, the kids today, they

Janice Porter: 00:31:08

don't, you know, we always said, Well, we had to send a thank you

Janice Porter: 00:31:11

note, or my mom would kill me, you know, or that That's right,

Janice Porter: 00:31:14

that's right.

Tracey Gates: 00:31:14

And they Yeah, they're not inclined to do that.

Tracey Gates: 00:31:17

And they need, they need us as role models to show them, and

Tracey Gates: 00:31:22

people get a text right right now, but I also say to people,

Tracey Gates: 00:31:26

write to your children, write to your grandchildren. Leave a

Tracey Gates: 00:31:30

letter on their pillow, hide it in their desk drawer, in their

Tracey Gates: 00:31:33

backpack, because while they're not used to writing letters,

Tracey Gates: 00:31:37

when they receive a letter where you tell them that you see them,

Tracey Gates: 00:31:41

you know that you value them for who they are and where they are

Tracey Gates: 00:31:44

in their life. That can be the difference between them them,

Tracey Gates: 00:31:48

you know, fully succeeding and or not. I mean, they need to

Tracey Gates: 00:31:52

hear from us that we you know that we love them

Tracey Gates: 00:31:55

unconditionally.

Janice Porter: 00:31:57

You have totally inspired me in more ways than

Janice Porter: 00:31:59

you know. I mean, I'm so glad. I mean, I send cards, but and I

Janice Porter: 00:32:03

actually tell my my clients to put a post it note on their by

Janice Porter: 00:32:09

their computer that says, who needs to hear from me today?

Tracey Gates: 00:32:13

That's great idea, yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:32:16

so that they can get into the habit of sending a

Janice Porter: 00:32:20

note, a card, a letter, whatever, right?

Tracey Gates: 00:32:22

Beautiful. And can I just add one thing that I

Tracey Gates: 00:32:25

mean, I know that you, you deal a lot with businesses, but I

Tracey Gates: 00:32:29

want to stress the point that that this is not this idea of

Tracey Gates: 00:32:33

sending notes to to people. There's no difference between

Tracey Gates: 00:32:36

your personal life and your professional life where this is

Tracey Gates: 00:32:38

concerned, right? If you you know your company should foster

Tracey Gates: 00:32:42

a culture of appreciation, and you know, I want everyone to be,

Tracey Gates: 00:32:45

to be part of that, that culture. You know, if you want

Tracey Gates: 00:32:48

to improve, improve, collaborate, collaboration,

Tracey Gates: 00:32:53

productivity, you know you need to tell people, your colleagues

Tracey Gates: 00:32:57

and your clients, what you appreciate about them. So just

Tracey Gates: 00:33:00

don't think it's just for people in your private life. You know,

Tracey Gates: 00:33:03

it's your brief point as well. Great point, because they're all

Tracey Gates: 00:33:06

people, and that's right, it's all about we all respond to

Tracey Gates: 00:33:09

being seen.

Janice Porter: 00:33:10

Yes, absolutely. People really respond and yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:33:18

to to the positive reinforcement that they hear. And I know I see

Janice Porter: 00:33:23

it with my granddaughter, she's five, and I love watching her,

Janice Porter: 00:33:28

you know, and encouraging her in the right ways, too. But you

Janice Porter: 00:33:32

know, you're right. There's some people, yeah, that never get

Janice Porter: 00:33:36

that and right, yeah. I never assume

Tracey Gates: 00:33:39

that somebody knows how you feel. You're like,

Tracey Gates: 00:33:41

Oh, I've already told them, you know, it just may be that your

Tracey Gates: 00:33:44

message is received on the day that they particularly needed to

Tracey Gates: 00:33:47

hear that totally.

Janice Porter: 00:33:48

Hear that a lot. You'll never this, yeah, this

Janice Porter: 00:33:52

came on a day when you have no idea that's right, absolutely.

Janice Porter: 00:33:56

Well, this has been delightful, and I know we could go on

Janice Porter: 00:33:59

forever. I think if I'd like you to leave one challenge or piece

Janice Porter: 00:34:05

of advice or whatever to my audience moving forward, well,

Janice Porter: 00:34:10

I'm

Tracey Gates: 00:34:10

going to read it. Thank you. I'm going to

Tracey Gates: 00:34:12

reiterate that challenge to please try to write a letter a

Tracey Gates: 00:34:15

day for one week, seven days, no

Unknown: 00:34:18

time, no

Tracey Gates: 00:34:19

trying, just do it. Do it for seven days, and

Tracey Gates: 00:34:21

then get your if you have children at home, or a family at

Tracey Gates: 00:34:25

home, or your colleagues at work, get them to do it with

Tracey Gates: 00:34:29

you, because it's the most beautiful conversation starters.

Tracey Gates: 00:34:31

Who did you write to today and why or how did it make you feel?

Tracey Gates: 00:34:35

And you know, if you want to feel your energy level rise,

Tracey Gates: 00:34:38

just try to do you know, talk with somebody about writing

Tracey Gates: 00:34:42

these letters, and it's an instant energy boost and and

Tracey Gates: 00:34:46

linger, just linger.

Janice Porter: 00:34:48

I did want to say that, that I love that word that

Janice Porter: 00:34:50

linger, that's my when you're leaving curiosity. And my word

Janice Porter: 00:34:55

is curiosity. Oh, I love that too. And linger is this is

Janice Porter: 00:34:59

allowing. Will have that curiosity. That's

Tracey Gates: 00:35:01

right. When you linger, you can be you can

Tracey Gates: 00:35:03

become more curious. Yeah, because everybody has has gifts,

Tracey Gates: 00:35:07

you know, to be found, and we need to, we need to find what

Tracey Gates: 00:35:11

people are good at and let them know it.

Janice Porter: 00:35:13

I have so many more questions now, during it,

Janice Porter: 00:35:15

we'll have to come back. Definitely have to come back,

Janice Porter: 00:35:20

because I'm thinking like one thing you said in the book, and

Janice Porter: 00:35:24

some people say, Well, what do I say? What will I say? I don't

Janice Porter: 00:35:27

know what to say in the message, in the note, in the letter,

Janice Porter: 00:35:30

right? And if you open your heart, and you're coming from

Janice Porter: 00:35:33

your heart, it'll come right? You know, you didn't say thank

Janice Porter: 00:35:38

you in any of these things. That's right.

Tracey Gates: 00:35:39

I my personal challenge, and I offer to you

Tracey Gates: 00:35:43

too, is to never say thank you, because I do believe that

Tracey Gates: 00:35:46

sometimes we hide behind the word thank you and try to just

Tracey Gates: 00:35:49

say I appreciate you, and here's why, and then be specific, don't

Tracey Gates: 00:35:54

just say I appreciate you. It's about the special sauce is

Tracey Gates: 00:35:58

telling them why. That's what makes them save it, cry, read it

Tracey Gates: 00:36:01

again.

Janice Porter: 00:36:02

Yeah, fantastic. Oh, this has been a delight.

Janice Porter: 00:36:04

Thank you so much, Tracy, for being on the show. I know my

Janice Porter: 00:36:07

audience will resonate with all of the messages, and hopefully

Janice Porter: 00:36:10

by your book, because it's worth the read. Honestly. Look at

Janice Porter: 00:36:14

mine's got marks in it everywhere. And thank you again

Janice Porter: 00:36:18

for being here. Thank you for being on the call. Thank you to

Janice Porter: 00:36:21

my audience as always, and remember to stay connected and

Janice Porter: 00:36:26

be remembered.

Tracey Gates: 00:36:28

Thank you so much. Dennis, you're welcome.