What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say with Tammy J. Cohen | RR331

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Troy, Hello everyone, and welcome to this

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week's episode of relationships rule. Today's episode is about

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the power of heart centered communication, and it's with

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award winning author Tammy J Cohen. She is also a brand

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messaging consultant and a podcast host herself. Tammy work

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spans from reshaping how we speak to our children to

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transforming how we connect with our clients and communicate and

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communities. She's the author of text messages to my sons, and

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she's the founder of the women beyond the table network, and a

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passionate advocate for messaging that reflects love,

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values and authenticity, and today, we're going to explore

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how her intentional approach to communication strengthens both

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personal and professional relationships, and how we can

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all put her insights into work to work in our lives and

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businesses. Welcome, welcome. Finally, to the show.

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Tammy J. Cohen: Well, it's so great to be on and thank you so

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much for having me on Janice, because I appreciate

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it My pleasure. So Tammy lives in one of my

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favorite places, New York, and it's been a long time since I've

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been there, but I know the world is busy in that area of the in

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that area constantly, right? They say the city is alive at

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what do they say? They say the city never sleeps. That Never

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Sleeps, right?

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Tammy J. Cohen: That's right. Is that true? Yeah, Manhattan has

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that reputation. There's always a lot of activities and things

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going on. Not sure what the future Manhattan is going to

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bring, but we'll hope for the

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best. Yes, for sure. All right, I want to start

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with your book, text messages to my sons. And I want to ask you

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what sparked that idea, and how did did this project shift your

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personal relationships?

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Tammy J. Cohen: That's a great question. It's a great leading

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question. And I want to say that I actually, you know, the way

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that the whole thing started was during the pandemic. I was, I

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really, you know, we all shut down. We all shut down and and

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we had an opportunity to, kind of, like, think about where our

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lives were, right? A lot of people went through great

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resignation. They were like, I don't know if I want to, you

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know, go back the way I was. I want to change things for me. I

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was, you know, traveling a lot for work. I was very happy with

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that part of my life, but there was a part of me that was not

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okay. I always felt like these feelings of resentment. I had a

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lot of limiting beliefs about myself, and I always had a lot

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of these thoughts, and and I really didn't know where they

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came from. And when you're traveling, when you're busy with

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work, you know, it's easy to get lost and all that. And I have

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three kids, but I was, you know, I I'd done the mother routine,

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but I always worked. And I was kind of like, what's going on

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with me? I'm home, my clients, you know, it was like

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disappearing everything. And I was like, what? Why do I feel

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this way? So what happened was I just immersed myself Janice and

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like all these different programs, these learning

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opportunities, courses, I was like, Unleash the Power Within.

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Joe Dispenza. I was Robin Sharma. I was reading, reading,

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reading. I was really into it, and I was learning a lot. And I

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was like, wow, this is, this is really interesting. Like, I

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don't know, learning about the subconscious, the limiting

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beliefs and the and why we do things and saboteurs and all

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kinds of things. I was like, you know, nobody teaches us this

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stuff in school, no about worthiness or resilience or

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accountability. Like, we just don't learn it in school, and

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it's not a focus gratitude, you know, none of it is. So I, I

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kind of was like, you know, this is really interesting stuff. I

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want to, I want to share it with my sons, like, when I'm

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learning, because I just thought it was wild. And so I started

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messaging them. Like, every day I was messaging them, a message

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about something I learned, I was quoting some thought leader, and

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I what it was amazing to me is most of the thought leaders are

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quoting lived hundreds of years ago, or 56 years ago, or, you

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know it. And I was like, Wow, there's so much information. I

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mean, you could read a book and somebody's sharing, like, what

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took them 30 years to figure out the sharing with you in a book

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that you can read in a couple of days or a week. And during the

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pandemic, like there was so much time to read. And Tony Robbins

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was like, get a mentor, read a book, you know? And I was like,

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This is amazing. I was buying my kids books that I was reading,

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and like, let's talk about Napoleon Hill. So what happened

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was, as I was messaging them, I just all the all the all of a

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sudden, I just started telling them how much I love them, how

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much they mean to me, how grateful I am that they're in my

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life, how extraordinary they are, how worthy they are. It

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just started coming out. The messages. Were always sharing

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wisdom, but it became about heart centered feelings that

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really started. Boring anime. And I had no intention, Janice

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of writing a book. This wasn't to write a book. There was no it

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was text messages. And I was telling people what I was doing

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because, you know, you talk in your virtual stuff, because it's

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pandemic that that that's really changed much. And, you know, my

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friends and colleagues would be like, Wow, that's amazing. You

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should put that in a book. And I was like, do you do that? I

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don't know how to read a book. Like, what do you read a book?

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What do I do? I don't know what to do. So like everybody else, I

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turned to, like, Google. And I was like, editor. You know,

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like, find me an editor. Because I did. I one thing. I was

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thinking, if I'm going to put anything into a book, I need to

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work with a professional editor, at least, because I don't want

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to put something out that's, you know, you can self publish all

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day long, and I don't want to put something out that's not, at

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least done well. So I googled, and I found an editor, and I

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started working with an editor, and it was editing services. And

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the next thing I knew, I published self published text

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messages to my son's the first edition, connecting deeply in a

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world of devices. And it was a great experience, and it won a

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couple of awards, and it was wonderful. But as I really

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thought about it, and as things started unfolding, like the

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first book published on October 4, my son's, my oldest son's

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birthday in 1993 in, I'm sorry, in 2023 and October 7 then

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happened, and as a Jew like you know, of course, the messages

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started changing because of what was going on and how my sons and

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I were talking about it. And then just life started happening

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all kinds of different things. And I put out a second edition,

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but this time it was with the publisher, and I put in, you

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know, I just learned so much, like in the from before, when

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with the first book, and I said, there's so much more I can add,

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because it's become so much more rich, like, as far as the

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experiences of having with my son, what I'm learning from

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everything, and It became amazing. And okay,

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I need to back up. I need to back up for a

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second. So when you first started sending the text

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messages to your sons, and your sons were adults, right? They

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really not. I can't hear anything outside, so don't worry

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when, when you were first sending text messages to your

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sons, and they were grown up. They were living out of the

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house, correct?

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Tammy J. Cohen: Well, okay, so my older two were living

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downtown. They still are my youngest, my 25 year old. He's

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now 25 he still lives at home. So when I started, they were all

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living in different places. Okay, you know, like kids were

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out of the house. But the thing is, when your kids are in

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college, or they're on semesters abroad, or they're doing this,

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or they're doing that, they still, they come home, right?

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But they're, they're not there. So when I first started, yeah,

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they were different locations. Yeah, they weren't all at home,

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or anything like that.

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Okay, so, and I don't, and I don't know if

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things are different with boys than with girls, because I only

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have girls, but the first thing that came to my mind was when

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you started sending you were learning all of this self

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development, personal development stuff, because I've

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done this too, and I start trying to share it with my kids,

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and they just roll their eyes. So I just wondered if you had

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any pushback at the beginning.

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Tammy J. Cohen: Well, no, because I didn't try to have a

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conversation with them.

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You just sent it out with nothing like the first

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Tammy J. Cohen: thing I realized, if I want to change a

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conversation with my kids, I have to reach them where they

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are. Yes, everybody's on their phone. Nobody's having really in

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person conversations. And when you're discussing, like

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anything, if you go on a little too long, nobody's Yeah, nobody

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pays attention. So I was like, okay, my kids are on their

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phone. And I know everybody like, before the pandemic, it

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was the the estimate was about 70% of the time people were

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spending on their phones. And then once the pandemic hit. It

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was continuous. It's still continuous. As a matter of fact,

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now that you know the phones and the technology is so much more

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nefarious, because you have algorithms that are designed to

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actually keep you on the phone longer, keep you engaged longer,

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to learn your preferences, to learn what you like. So what

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they're feeding you constantly is whatever you're clicking on

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or looking at. So if you're looking at all day and

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misinformation and induction, you're going to get it. Yes, you

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get whatever you're looking at. So I said, Okay, I have a choice

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here. I want to reach them where they are, so I'm going to text a

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message, because I know that they have their phone in their

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hands or in their pocket. And if you're, if you're have a

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daughter, or you're messaging woman, it's in her back, okay?

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So it's going to look for us at the message, and you have to

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keep it to a certain point. I mean, I'm I tend to my messages

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are a little bit long because I'm sharing but it is annoying

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for my sons, they tell me sometimes, yeah, but that's

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okay, but they're reading it. Yeah, I have zero. Zero expert,

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this is really important, and I'm going to repeat it. I have

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zero expectations in return. I have zero expectations in

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return. You don't do any of these messaging things. If

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you're expecting to be love, validated or told You're the

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best mom or parent or person doing it, that's not what you're

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doing, and it's unconscious. It's unconditional. So, you

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know, I figured my kids reader, what happened was, then they

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wrote the forward to the book. Yes, they they were admiring

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that I was actually going into this metamorphosis that I was

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trying to learn things that I at that at my age, I was trying to

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be to teach, to share, to not parent at them. No, I wasn't

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telling them what to do. I wasn't giving them advice. I was

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just sharing what I was learning, that I was open to

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learning things that's really important for our kids to say,

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that doesn't matter how old you are, that you're open to other

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ideas and other other ways of doing things and thinking. When

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I started messaging about accountability, I was being

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accountable to them. I was explaining to them, like a lot

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of the things and a lot of behaviors that I did weren't

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right, that I didn't I didn't act right with them a lot

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because I was frustrated or resentful or not happy that day,

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or something didn't go right, or I was being triggered, and I

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took it out on them, and you can't take that stuff back,

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especially when you're, your children are living there, and

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they're, they're, they're, like, looking they're, you know,

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you're the power in the house, and they're just looking at it

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like, what, what's wrong with me, what am I doing wrong? Why

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she's screaming, you know, like, what? What's wrong with me? And

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I really wanted, because I grew up like that, I really realize,

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what am I? What have I done? In a lot of ways, right? When I

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started doing that kind of messaging with them, they

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started seeing me as human being, yes, seeing me as

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somebody who, who's admitting to things that you want your kids

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to be accountable, you want them to have respect. You have to

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show it. So I chose to do it with messages, because I knew

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that's what they'd say. And what's really, really cool is

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when they wrote the forward to the book, because I said, Look,

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I'm going to put this in a book. And they were like, well, you're

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not going to put our picture on it. I'm like, No, the pictures

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of the second book. Now, of course, that I really included

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them in, like, I said, this is out. Then, you know, like, I've

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been sending these messages to you guys, so I want your

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feedback, and I would share, like, what do you think of this

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design? What do you think of this format? What do you think

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and but when they wrote the forward, I was really touched,

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because it for them. You know, they what people don't realize

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is that there's somebody who's taking the time to love you, and

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that's what meant something to like. Here's here's a person

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who's like taking the time tell us how much we matter, how much

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they love us. To take the time to do this. It is a habit, but

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it's 10 minutes of every day, and if you don't have the in of

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900 to 60 minutes that people are awake from Monday to Friday.

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I'm not even talking about the weekends, because I don't do it

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on the weekends. It's Monday. It's a lot of minutes. If you

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can't find 10 minutes, there's something up right now, you

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know? And that's how it started. But they they appreciate it, and

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they appreciated having somebody who cares, because it made them

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feel bulletproof.

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Well, did do you are any of your sons fathers?

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No, oh, okay, because I was going to say, I wonder when they

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will start, you know, to to speak their truth from what

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you've written, you know?

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Tammy J. Cohen: Well, you know what? I that's the whole point,

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right? Like Walsham, and then you'll tell two friends. And so,

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yeah, okay, so I'm thinking there's a lot of things with

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this. When I first did it, it was to my sons, but I've been

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telling people, it doesn't, you don't have to have kids, right?

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I have grandparents doing your grandchildren. I have people do

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it with nieces and nephews, with friends who they feel needed or

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disconnected, partners, you know?

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Well, I mean, it fits so much into my philosophy

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around sending greeting cards use because that's part of what

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I do and I teach others to do, and what we teach in our

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company, because it's, it's about the kindness revolution,

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in a way, as you send out to give you, don't expect anything

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in return. So just send out that love. Send out that and that's

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exactly what you're doing with your book. What would you say

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are some common mistakes that people make when trying to build

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connection, especially over digital platforms?

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Tammy J. Cohen: That's a great question. Um, mistakes? Well,

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like, the biggest one I see is people tell me, like, oh, like,

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I don't know what to say, and what should I say? And I'm like,

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Well, you know, here's book. There's 215, pages of messages.

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You can tweak one categories and messages, they're all text. It's

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text format. It's really easy to read. Yeah, it's a bit it's

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going to become heart centered. Don't worry about, what am I

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going to say? What am I going to do? What if they don't like it?

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What if they don't want to talk to me? What if they hate me?

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Like, don't think about that. You're starting a habit with

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really good intention. And what's, what's, what's your

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intention? Is it to get them to validate you. Is it to look like

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you're a great mom? What are you doing it for? If it's

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unconditional, and you just want to deepen that connection, and

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you want to, you want to do it up where they're at, and you

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want to like, I have a mother who told me that she started

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with her son, and he said, I only, I only want to do this on

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Snapchat. Can you do it on Snapchat? And she was like,

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what? What's Snapchat? I was like, it's an app, I think.

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Like, okay, but you don't have to. You don't have to put a lot

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of pressure, yeah, and because it's actually very easy, you

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don't I got one of your cards. By the way, you sent me a card

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when I was going through especially treatment with breast

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cancer, and I was so touched by that. And really, what is this?

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This is a message in a lunch box. This is the note I remember

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growing up. And you look at the kid who get the message, I

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love that. The message in a lunch box, yes,

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yes. And you'd be like, I was

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Tammy J. Cohen: always like, the kids so lucky, yes, from their

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mom that they love them. Like, you know, that was a really

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wonderful so just think of it like, everybody's got a phone,

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and thank goodness we only had to, like, use it and text.

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You're not doing anything really technologically advanced. You're

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not talking to AI on here and saying, like, help me write a

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minute. People are using AI, yes, by the way. And I'm like,

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That's cool, okay, I'm okay with that too, as

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long as they make it their own.

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Tammy J. Cohen: After I said, if you want to, if you want to use

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AI, use AI, but just don't go into this worrying about if

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you're doing it right, or if they're going to hate it. I had

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one mom say to me, you know, my daughter, she loves it. She

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thinks it's wonderful. My son said, Don't you dare I'm like,

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That's okay. What do you what are you worried about? Keep

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sending the messages, because, believe me, he he's gonna read

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them. He's not gonna say. He's not gonna He's gonna appreciate

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it. Because when we move on to our next lives, what do you

Janice Porter: 00:17:18

think every What do you think your kid is going to miss what

Janice Porter: 00:17:21

you bought them. They're going to think about what you bought

Janice Porter: 00:17:23

them. They're going to miss that message every day. They're going

Janice Porter: 00:17:25

to miss that I love you. Yeah, you matter. I don't know how

Janice Porter: 00:17:29

old. It doesn't matter how old the person is, either. Janice, I

Janice Porter: 00:17:32

don't care. I've met people every age. They want to know

Janice Porter: 00:17:35

they were loved by their parents and the parents what they were

Janice Porter: 00:17:38

worthy.

Janice Porter: 00:17:39

So all of these you're saying, This person is

Janice Porter: 00:17:42

asking you, this, this, where are these people coming from?

Janice Porter: 00:17:45

Are they writing to you? Are you speaking to different events?

Janice Porter: 00:17:48

Because it's become a whole thing, obviously. Okay, yeah.

Janice Porter: 00:17:51

Tammy J. Cohen: So people message me. I get messages on my

Janice Porter: 00:17:54

website, on social media, and what's really great is also

Janice Porter: 00:18:00

through an Amazon reviews, yeah, when you read like, people leave

Janice Porter: 00:18:04

reviews so and they're sharing like, yeah, I tried this with

Janice Porter: 00:18:07

this person, and it was great. They loved it. You know, my

Janice Porter: 00:18:12

like, my aunt's friends, my aunts is a grandmother, and she

Janice Porter: 00:18:15

was messaged. She started messaging her grandchildren

Janice Porter: 00:18:18

because they're in college. A lot of grandparents have grown

Janice Porter: 00:18:21

adult grandchildren, and she shared. She just started sharing

Janice Porter: 00:18:25

the book with her, all of her friends, you know, and it's

Janice Porter: 00:18:28

really interesting. She's like, Oh my God. And they they see me

Janice Porter: 00:18:31

when I come visit, and they'll tell me, because she looks she

Janice Porter: 00:18:34

she's in Florida half the year, so I'll go the community, and I

Janice Porter: 00:18:38

just have people reaching out to me and sharing, and it's a

Janice Porter: 00:18:42

beautiful thing. I have a lot of friends who are doing it too.

Janice Porter: 00:18:45

They started doing it, and people telling me, You know

Janice Porter: 00:18:49

what, my kids are really little and but I'm going to do it with

Janice Porter: 00:18:53

them when they're old enough. And I'm like, You know what?

Janice Porter: 00:18:55

This is the beauty of it, right? And I've had people say to me,

Janice Porter: 00:18:59

like, I don't have a kid, but I love my niece and nephew. I'm

Janice Porter: 00:19:02

like, do we can niece and nephew? Like, yeah, it's okay.

Janice Porter: 00:19:04

Like, whoever you want to deal with. But here's the thing,

Janice Porter: 00:19:07

kids, okay? Like, when do they first get a phone? A lot of

Janice Porter: 00:19:11

times you give a kid a phone in middle school, right? Because

Janice Porter: 00:19:13

there there's more of an independence they're walking to

Janice Porter: 00:19:16

school. Maybe they're older. But of course, the message that

Janice Porter: 00:19:20

you're going to send a college kid and a high school kid is

Janice Porter: 00:19:24

different than a middle school kid, right? Well, every every

Janice Porter: 00:19:27

milestone of when they move from lower school to middle school,

Janice Porter: 00:19:30

middle school to high school, it's they're getting more

Janice Porter: 00:19:32

independent, right? So you have to respect that, and you have to

Janice Porter: 00:19:35

treat them that way. But you also have to remember the age,

Janice Porter: 00:19:38

yes, so you have to tailor the message for each stage of life.

Janice Porter: 00:19:42

So what I tell people is, you know, when my kids were in high

Janice Porter: 00:19:45

school, I was sending them reminders, reprimands sometimes,

Janice Porter: 00:19:50

you know, reprimands, sometimes commands. You know, where are

Janice Porter: 00:19:53

you? What's because they live at home, so you still have, there's

Janice Porter: 00:19:57

a coordination thing. Don't think, like, Okay, now I'm going

Janice Porter: 00:19:59

to tell. Them only. I love them, and I'm not going to send

Janice Porter: 00:20:02

anything. It's okay to tell them, hey, I'm not happy with

Janice Porter: 00:20:05

what you did. It's, you know, the they're teenagers, they're

Janice Porter: 00:20:09

middle school, you know, you have to understand. But once

Janice Porter: 00:20:12

they move out and they start going to college, they're not at

Janice Porter: 00:20:15

home. They come home, but they're not at home, right? You

Janice Porter: 00:20:18

have to, like, be cognizant of where they are and where they're

Janice Porter: 00:20:23

at when a kid is already working and they're supporting

Janice Porter: 00:20:26

themselves, and they're moving out, and they're taking that

Janice Porter: 00:20:29

apartment, they're done with school, that's a different kid,

Janice Porter: 00:20:32

that's that's an adult

Janice Porter: 00:20:34

well, and that, and that's the beauty, is that

Janice Porter: 00:20:38

they could be I have a daughter who's, you know, just in her

Janice Porter: 00:20:42

early 50s. She's still my kid always, right? They're always

Janice Porter: 00:20:47

your kid, right? So that's the thing. All right, I don't know

Janice Porter: 00:20:52

if you're doing any brand consulting right now. Are you

Janice Porter: 00:20:55

still doing Yeah, okay, so in your brand consulting work that

Janice Porter: 00:20:58

you do, how do you help your clients clarify their message

Janice Porter: 00:21:02

and communicate more authentically.

Janice Porter: 00:21:04

Tammy J. Cohen: That's such a great question. So first of all,

Janice Porter: 00:21:07

it all goes back back to talking to the client. Like, when I work

Janice Porter: 00:21:11

with a client, I mean, I there's we go through a whole there's

Janice Porter: 00:21:14

homework, we go through a series of questions. Because I really

Janice Porter: 00:21:19

want to understand, I want them to think about, like, what are

Janice Porter: 00:21:22

five things that you really love about what you do your business?

Janice Porter: 00:21:27

Like, what are five things that you actually know about your

Janice Porter: 00:21:31

audience, your client? Like, tell me five things. It's very

Janice Porter: 00:21:35

challenging. Yes. What are your values? What is your vision?

Janice Porter: 00:21:40

What? What is your mission? Like, sometimes they don't, they

Janice Porter: 00:21:43

really don't have that formulated, or they do, and

Janice Porter: 00:21:45

they're not really. So I said it all starts from understanding,

Janice Porter: 00:21:51

like, who you are, you're the brand. Like, even if you're

Janice Porter: 00:21:55

selling, it doesn't matter if you your products called XYZ,

Janice Porter: 00:21:58

it's just you. It's you. This is you, right. You're selling

Janice Porter: 00:22:02

representing you, yeah. So what do you know about your audience?

Janice Porter: 00:22:05

What do you know about yourself? What is your why? Why are you in

Janice Porter: 00:22:09

this? Why are you doing anything? I find that a lot of

Janice Porter: 00:22:12

businesses don't know their audiences. Like what makes them

Janice Porter: 00:22:15

tick? What is the need? Why do they need your product? How can

Janice Porter: 00:22:20

you stand out? How can you make it different? How can you have

Janice Porter: 00:22:24

them understand that what you're doing, what is building trust?

Janice Porter: 00:22:29

Like, why should people buy from you? Like, what is it about you?

Janice Porter: 00:22:32

What do you So, what are you going to do to help them? Or,

Janice Porter: 00:22:35

what do you do that's better, or what's so trustworthy about you?

Janice Porter: 00:22:38

Like, you have to think about all these things, and once you

Janice Porter: 00:22:41

think about them, then you can then all of a sudden, you're

Janice Porter: 00:22:44

like, wow, there's a lot of things I want to say, but sure,

Janice Porter: 00:22:48

people just look at it like and I find this. This is what also

Janice Porter: 00:22:51

was always very amazing to me. Most people, when they're in

Janice Porter: 00:22:54

business, they worry more about their brands, messages, how

Janice Porter: 00:23:00

they're messaging an audience, and they don't even think twice

Janice Porter: 00:23:02

about how they message their children, their wives, their

Janice Porter: 00:23:06

friends, how they talk to them. They don't worry about they

Janice Porter: 00:23:09

don't even think about it. They only think about like, what am I

Janice Porter: 00:23:12

saying to my audience so they'll buy well. And if

Janice Porter: 00:23:15

I can just add on to that, I agree with you

Janice Porter: 00:23:17

totally. But I also noticed that it's yeah, what can I do to get

Janice Porter: 00:23:22

them to buy? But it's never, what can I do to get them to buy

Janice Porter: 00:23:25

again, or to, you know, show appreciation to them, that part

Janice Porter: 00:23:30

that never happens,

Janice Porter: 00:23:31

Tammy J. Cohen: yeah, like, like, why? Like? And when you

Janice Porter: 00:23:34

have you just sit down and you start with the conversation. And

Janice Porter: 00:23:38

also, I'm the type person that it's not just the business

Janice Porter: 00:23:40

owner. I'm like, if there's a team, like, the team has to be

Janice Porter: 00:23:44

talking about, like, why are you working here? Like, what is it

Janice Porter: 00:23:47

that you love about what they're doing, right?

Janice Porter: 00:23:50

And it does come from the top, though, right by

Janice Porter: 00:23:53

the whole attitude thing. And, yeah, like,

Janice Porter: 00:23:55

Tammy J. Cohen: why is everybody working together here? Like, I

Janice Porter: 00:23:59

want I even say, can I? I'd like to come and sit there and watch

Janice Porter: 00:24:02

you guys and see what you're doing, see how you do it,

Janice Porter: 00:24:06

because it is a conversation, like everything else, there is a

Janice Porter: 00:24:09

conversation, and it goes into it. And you could really pick up

Janice Porter: 00:24:12

a lot by by asking questions, doing the little bit of

Janice Porter: 00:24:17

homework, doing your research. So I don't think it's such a

Janice Porter: 00:24:20

great idea. Like, people will just go out and they'll say,

Janice Porter: 00:24:23

like, Okay, this is what I'm what I'm doing. This my

Janice Porter: 00:24:26

business, and I, this is what I want people to know about me.

Janice Porter: 00:24:28

Why should they care about knowing about you? Like, I mean,

Janice Porter: 00:24:31

like, like, think about the Who are you selling? Think about

Janice Porter: 00:24:36

them. Yeah. Why would they want you? What is so great about you?

Janice Porter: 00:24:40

Like, and what do they need? Do you even know what they need?

Janice Porter: 00:24:43

Like, I've seen a lot of people come up with services and stuff,

Janice Porter: 00:24:46

and I'm like, is there a need? Like, are you solving something?

Janice Porter: 00:24:50

Yeah, problem. Like, no. I just thought it was

Janice Porter: 00:24:53

a great idea, right?

Janice Porter: 00:24:55

Tammy J. Cohen: They're like, Oh, you know. Well, you know.

Janice Porter: 00:24:57

And then, or the business. Has changed, right? Like they'll

Janice Porter: 00:25:01

take over a business from their their family business, or things

Janice Porter: 00:25:05

change. You know, things are changing so quickly, and they

Janice Porter: 00:25:08

don't realize it, like they don't, they don't realize things

Janice Porter: 00:25:10

have changed, or the audience shifted. The audience, their

Janice Porter: 00:25:14

their audience aged out. You know, they just don't. So

Janice Porter: 00:25:17

there's a lot that goes into it, but it's questions always, yeah,

Janice Porter: 00:25:21

that's okay, for sure.

Janice Porter: 00:25:23

Alright, let's talk a little bit about women

Janice Porter: 00:25:25

beyond the table. This is a network that you, I think, have

Janice Porter: 00:25:28

had for I'm not sure how long and and what role does

Janice Porter: 00:25:32

relationship building play in the growth of this organization.

Janice Porter: 00:25:37

Tammy J. Cohen: Relationship building is in everything you

Janice Porter: 00:25:41

know, because people, people do business, people join networks

Janice Porter: 00:25:45

that they where they like and trust, you know, where they

Janice Porter: 00:25:48

feel,

Janice Porter: 00:25:50

yeah, sometimes I have to say, with relationship

Janice Porter: 00:25:53

with with organizations. Sometimes you join one, and I'm

Janice Porter: 00:25:57

speaking from experience, and I'm not sure they're my people.

Janice Porter: 00:26:00

I'm not sure I, you know, I had to find out for going a few

Janice Porter: 00:26:04

times, but I'm not really sure that that's my people, so not

Janice Porter: 00:26:08

rushing to go back. So you really do have to feel, I

Janice Porter: 00:26:11

believe you have to feel the love in the room, so to speak,

Janice Porter: 00:26:14

Tammy J. Cohen: that they're your Yeah, and it takes time,

Janice Porter: 00:26:16

because, like, listen, we so wouldn't be on table. It's like,

Janice Porter: 00:26:20

six years, okay? And how did it start? Well, how did it start,

Janice Porter: 00:26:25

right? So during the pandemic, I was trying to, like, I lost my

Janice Porter: 00:26:29

bit, like I was always a consultant, but my clients in

Janice Porter: 00:26:33

the sector, I worked in the gym and jewelry, it was a lot of it

Janice Porter: 00:26:36

had fallen down. You know? It just was like, things won't

Janice Porter: 00:26:39

haywire for a while. So I was like, Well, how do I build my

Janice Porter: 00:26:43

business? How do I expand? What do I do? Like, what? So I

Janice Porter: 00:26:46

started really thinking, and I was like, Wow. You know, I

Janice Porter: 00:26:49

really, I've never needed a website, or needed any of these

Janice Porter: 00:26:52

tool things before, because I was, I had clients, and it was

Janice Porter: 00:26:56

like, word of mouth for me, it's like, wow. I'm going to need

Janice Porter: 00:26:59

some some skills here. So I was like, Googling, you know,

Janice Porter: 00:27:04

website, okay, copywriters and, well, like, what's digital?

Janice Porter: 00:27:10

Like, what, what is digital touch points, like, I have to,

Janice Porter: 00:27:12

like, social media. Like, I never bothered with this stuff

Janice Porter: 00:27:15

because I was working. I was busy. I was working with

Janice Porter: 00:27:18

clients,

Janice Porter: 00:27:18

and you were face to face and going to to

Janice Porter: 00:27:21

different stores

Janice Porter: 00:27:22

Tammy J. Cohen: and, like, also, I realized I needed a life

Janice Porter: 00:27:25

coach. I needed a business coach. I needed I needed help.

Janice Porter: 00:27:28

Okay, yeah, so I was like, now I was talking with some colleagues

Janice Porter: 00:27:33

and some friends. I said, like, Wouldn't it be great if there

Janice Porter: 00:27:36

was like, group of women who all had these services that I really

Janice Porter: 00:27:39

liked and I trusted, because you Google website developer Janice,

Janice Porter: 00:27:44

50 million people show up. And you're like, Who the hell should

Janice Porter: 00:27:46

I work with? And then you, like, go on a couple of websites, and

Janice Porter: 00:27:49

you just click on something, and the next thing you know, like,

Janice Porter: 00:27:53

you're getting 10,000 emails from them, yeah? So I was like,

Janice Porter: 00:27:59

Wouldn't it be great? So they're like, Yeah, that would be so

Janice Porter: 00:28:02

great. So I was like, Okay, I'm going to make a call. I'm going

Janice Porter: 00:28:07

to have a call. I'm going to invite you to a zoom. You show

Janice Porter: 00:28:10

up, because I'm going to talk about this. Okay, so at the

Janice Porter: 00:28:15

first call, I don't know, three people on it, and it was fun. We

Janice Porter: 00:28:17

had a great time. So I was like, now they told people, they told

Janice Porter: 00:28:22

people. So the first year, it was, like, with it was also the

Janice Porter: 00:28:26

pandemic, women were showing up. They were like, This is great.

Janice Porter: 00:28:29

We became, I like, I was like, women be on the table, because I

Janice Porter: 00:28:32

was imagining the Knights of the Round Table. But we're women,

Janice Porter: 00:28:35

and we're beyond the table. We're not just serving. We're

Janice Porter: 00:28:39

not we used to serve at the table that we got a seat at the

Janice Porter: 00:28:41

table, but this is beyond the table. We were having a great

Janice Porter: 00:28:44

time. So the first year was just proof of concept, and then we

Janice Porter: 00:28:47

started charging membership, building a subscription, and

Janice Porter: 00:28:51

everything was step by step. But what really was cool for us is

Janice Porter: 00:28:55

we decided from day one, like who we were going to, who we

Janice Porter: 00:28:59

are, and who we're going to talk to. So the women who are

Janice Porter: 00:29:03

attract, who we attracted, who are, you know, you it's, it

Janice Porter: 00:29:09

wasn't a C suite. We had some of those kind of C suite women. But

Janice Porter: 00:29:13

really that solopreneur, that women who was a C suite, or was

Janice Porter: 00:29:18

working in a business, and now she's like, You know what? I

Janice Porter: 00:29:20

want to do my own thing. So now there's no team. Say, like, she

Janice Porter: 00:29:24

doesn't have a team. She might have one assistant helping her,

Janice Porter: 00:29:27

or one VA and she's gotta figure out all this stuff. So let's

Janice Porter: 00:29:31

bring some speakers on. Like, we have a monthly call. We get

Janice Porter: 00:29:35

together, we see each other. And they were getting together by

Janice Porter: 00:29:38

themselves too, which was a beautiful thing. But we started

Janice Porter: 00:29:41

bringing in, like, education. But then we started realizing,

Janice Porter: 00:29:44

you know what? Just like I had to realize it, if your mindset,

Janice Porter: 00:29:48

if your well being, if your health and wellness isn't, isn't

Janice Porter: 00:29:51

thought of how you're going to do business, right? So we

Janice Porter: 00:29:54

started mixing the health and wellness with business, and we

Janice Porter: 00:29:58

became a business network. Work with a soul, and this really

Janice Porter: 00:30:01

love. It really was something that women were just like, I

Janice Porter: 00:30:05

like that. And they came in, they go, You know what? I feel

Janice Porter: 00:30:09

it's a very special energy. I feel like you're my sisters. I

Janice Porter: 00:30:12

feel you're my friends. Like, and I was like, Yeah, I go, look

Janice Porter: 00:30:16

if you're coming and I tell people, I'm blank if you're

Janice Porter: 00:30:18

coming in here. And I we have a lot of coaches, a lot of people.

Janice Porter: 00:30:21

We have like, six, seven different industries. Different

Janice Porter: 00:30:23

industries represented. But like, if you're coming in here

Janice Porter: 00:30:25

thinking, Oh, I have like 65 women who are going to buy my

Janice Porter: 00:30:29

services, no, you're in the wrong place because they don't

Janice Porter: 00:30:33

really know you. That's right, I said. But if you're looking to

Janice Porter: 00:30:37

leverage your social capital, which means that you need a

Janice Porter: 00:30:42

question answered. You don't know something, or maybe you

Janice Porter: 00:30:46

want to be connected to somebody. That's what we get out

Janice Porter: 00:30:51

there. Yeah. So a lot of women and a lot of people have

Janice Porter: 00:30:54

questions they don't know the answer to and they don't know

Janice Porter: 00:30:56

where to find the information. So somebody can help you with

Janice Porter: 00:30:59

that and can answer it, and that's that, to me, is what it's

Janice Porter: 00:31:02

about. And then over time, you know, you might wind up doing

Janice Porter: 00:31:05

business three years down the road, you might wind up being

Janice Porter: 00:31:08

connected to somebody who you do business with, because you had a

Janice Porter: 00:31:11

connection of somebody you like and trust. So there's so much to

Janice Porter: 00:31:14

networking. And we actually, uh, we ended up doing three videos

Janice Porter: 00:31:18

of, how do you network? Like why do you network? How do you go

Janice Porter: 00:31:22

about networking? What is the point of networking? What's Fear

Janice Porter: 00:31:26

Of Missing Out from attending every event because we offer

Janice Porter: 00:31:30

also, we're virtual. But what wouldn't be on the table does is

Janice Porter: 00:31:33

we'll list the in person events because we want them to have

Janice Porter: 00:31:35

well rounded in person and virtual. So we're like, what is

Janice Porter: 00:31:41

the purpose of networking? And why do you network? Most women

Janice Porter: 00:31:43

will just don't know how to network. They're shy, or

Janice Porter: 00:31:46

they'll, they'll do what women do. And you know, that's what

Janice Porter: 00:31:48

makes us different than men. I've noticed when men network,

Janice Porter: 00:31:51

they get right down to it, you know, like they're, they're

Janice Porter: 00:31:54

making a deal. They're not shy about it. They'll ask, and

Janice Porter: 00:31:58

they'll, they'll do it. Women is different, like, we we're not

Janice Porter: 00:32:01

really programmed to ask or to be, you know, like this or like,

Janice Porter: 00:32:06

I think it's changing a lot. I think we also talk more about

Janice Porter: 00:32:09

ourselves and our families, because that's important. And

Janice Porter: 00:32:12

women just do it differently, wrong or right. So we're like,

Janice Porter: 00:32:16

you know, try to encourage them to, like, be a little strategic.

Janice Porter: 00:32:20

Know what? Know what you're looking for when you go there,

Janice Porter: 00:32:23

make sure the event you're going to is in alignment with who you

Janice Porter: 00:32:27

are and and the kind of customers you want. You're

Janice Porter: 00:32:30

looking for, the kind of people you want to build relationships

Janice Porter: 00:32:32

with, the kind of connections you want to make. Sometimes,

Janice Porter: 00:32:35

just attending every event, you're not going to get anything

Janice Porter: 00:32:38

right.

Janice Porter: 00:32:39

I always say it's important to be curious. You

Janice Porter: 00:32:41

have to ask questions, but they don't have to be targeted, like,

Janice Porter: 00:32:44

you know, you have to ask the questions that will allow the

Janice Porter: 00:32:48

person you're meeting to talk about themselves a little bit,

Janice Porter: 00:32:51

so that you can see who they are, and, and, and people love

Janice Porter: 00:32:54

to talk about themselves,

Janice Porter: 00:32:55

Tammy J. Cohen: yeah. But also, there's the follow up section,

Janice Porter: 00:32:57

of course, like, there's, like, a whole bunch of elements that

Janice Porter: 00:33:00

go into it. But we're, you know, really a community that's

Janice Porter: 00:33:04

dedicated to accelerating professional success and

Janice Porter: 00:33:07

personal growth, like, you know, like, that's, that's our thing.

Janice Porter: 00:33:11

And we wound up starting the web, the podcast, the women's

Janice Porter: 00:33:14

table podcast. So it just, it just became that, and it became

Janice Porter: 00:33:18

a very nice community of people. And now 40% of our women

Janice Porter: 00:33:21

exchange services, but at the end of the day, they just like

Janice Porter: 00:33:25

each other,

Janice Porter: 00:33:27

really. And how often do you meet? Once a month?

Janice Porter: 00:33:30

Tammy J. Cohen: You said we meet once a month. That's perfect.

Janice Porter: 00:33:33

That's it, because people are busy. I mean, I know there are

Janice Porter: 00:33:35

groups that are meeting weekly. We just do once a month, but we

Janice Porter: 00:33:39

also, you know, we have our directory. We encourage them to

Janice Porter: 00:33:44

interact to each other, Whatsapp group. Now the WhatsApp group

Janice Porter: 00:33:47

is, is live daily. I mean, people, they're just throwing

Janice Porter: 00:33:51

offers out at each other and sharing. I'm here, I'm there,

Janice Porter: 00:33:54

I'm this, I'm that. What's up? Like we're congratulating each

Janice Porter: 00:33:56

other, we're supporting, we're inspiring each other. So it's

Janice Porter: 00:34:00

that, that WhatsApp chat is really nice and and they have

Janice Porter: 00:34:02

the podcast too. So, yeah, you have a newsletter, you know,

Janice Porter: 00:34:06

like, we keep them, we keep in touch.

Janice Porter: 00:34:08

Yeah, that, well, that's important, right? So I

Janice Porter: 00:34:13

have a question here that I I'm going to ask it anyway, how have

Janice Porter: 00:34:17

gratitude and accountability become cornerstones of your

Janice Porter: 00:34:22

communication style.

Janice Porter: 00:34:26

Tammy J. Cohen: You know, what? If I I feel so grateful on a

Janice Porter: 00:34:32

regular basis. And you know, the best exercise I ever did there

Janice Porter: 00:34:37

was, there was two things that really helped me, you know,

Janice Porter: 00:34:40

start wrapping my head around thing. So one was a coach said

Janice Porter: 00:34:43

to me, you know, just write down. I want you to write down,

Janice Porter: 00:34:47

like, what you're grateful for, like, just think what you're

Janice Porter: 00:34:51

grateful. Just write it. And then I want you to reach contact

Janice Porter: 00:34:56

one person every day for 30 days. It's 30 days. Homer and

Janice Porter: 00:35:01

tell them what you what you're grateful for about them. And I

Janice Porter: 00:35:05

was like, that's that's hard, yeah, but you know what it means

Janice Porter: 00:35:10

a lot. Yeah, it wasn't. And then the other thing that really

Janice Porter: 00:35:13

helped a lot was, here's my, my other assignment that I was

Janice Porter: 00:35:18

given for three weeks, three weeks, every day, you're going

Janice Porter: 00:35:23

to write a list. You're going to make a page in a journal of the

Janice Porter: 00:35:28

things that you're proud of, that you you accomplished in

Janice Porter: 00:35:31

your life, things that made you go, yes, okay, that you really

Janice Porter: 00:35:36

proud of. And I was like, Are you out of your mind? I don't

Janice Porter: 00:35:40

have the page to fill up. I don't know what you talk okay,

Janice Porter: 00:35:42

that I don't think I can do that. Well, I did it, and not

Janice Porter: 00:35:45

only did I fill up the pages, no problem. I It was exhilarating,

Janice Porter: 00:35:50

because I never looked at myself that way, as somebody who

Janice Porter: 00:35:53

accomplished things, who did things, who did good things, who

Janice Porter: 00:35:56

did worthy I never, I never saw it. I never felt it's just so

Janice Porter: 00:36:00

busy doing, that's the thing, yeah. Or

Janice Porter: 00:36:03

Tammy J. Cohen: you just like, we're taught, like, you Oh, you

Janice Porter: 00:36:05

know you don't, you don't have an ego maniac, you know you

Janice Porter: 00:36:09

don't, you don't practice. But I even something as simple, like,

Janice Porter: 00:36:12

even just my sons, you know, just realizing, like, there's so

Janice Porter: 00:36:16

much good. So it just became, like, just carried on. Because

Janice Porter: 00:36:21

every person I'm grateful to meet, and every day I say in my

Janice Porter: 00:36:25

prayers, I like, I just I thank God for everything, everything

Janice Porter: 00:36:29

waking up in the morning, it's become a way of life

Janice Porter: 00:36:33

well, and you've had some challenges health wise

Janice Porter: 00:36:36

lately, and you've come through it amazingly. And I, honestly,

Janice Porter: 00:36:40

I'm in awe of how you manage things just the few times that

Janice Porter: 00:36:46

we've connected over this last few months. So one final

Janice Porter: 00:36:50

question, what's one message that you hope listeners take

Janice Porter: 00:36:54

away today about the power of relationships in every day in

Janice Porter: 00:36:58

every area of life? Wow.

Janice Porter: 00:37:02

Tammy J. Cohen: Listen. We're humans, right? We're human

Janice Porter: 00:37:04

beings. I mean, connection is the most important thing, if you

Janice Porter: 00:37:09

think about it. I mean, look what's happened. Look what

Janice Porter: 00:37:11

happens during the pandemic when people didn't have the

Janice Porter: 00:37:13

opportunity. I mean, thank God there was internet. Could you

Janice Porter: 00:37:16

imagine being mad? Max, there was no internet.

Janice Porter: 00:37:20

Oh, and by the way, you talk about connection,

Janice Porter: 00:37:22

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I think it's important in this

Janice Porter: 00:37:25

question to to mention that I was, I'm connected with this

Janice Porter: 00:37:30

wonderful woman in Israel, Annette, and then that

Janice Porter: 00:37:34

introduced me to you, right, right?

Janice Porter: 00:37:37

Tammy J. Cohen: And the next one would be on the table. And I

Janice Porter: 00:37:39

work with Annette like i Yes,

Janice Porter: 00:37:41

services, yeah, so, I mean, it's kind of cool.

Janice Porter: 00:37:46

So we wouldn't have that without the internet, for sure,

Janice Porter: 00:37:49

Tammy J. Cohen: for sure. And, you know, like I was thinking

Janice Porter: 00:37:51

that I said to my husband once, it would be mad, Max Road

Janice Porter: 00:37:53

Warrior if the pandemic happened and there was, you know, no, no

Janice Porter: 00:37:58

cyber No, no way to connect, no way to order things, no you you

Janice Porter: 00:38:02

see how people like, they felt like isolated, they felt alone,

Janice Porter: 00:38:06

and they had phones. It wasn't you could, yeah, anybody you

Janice Porter: 00:38:09

want message, anybody you want. Yeah. So we're built for that.

Janice Porter: 00:38:13

That's what human beings are built for. And everything is

Janice Porter: 00:38:16

built on as a relationship business. Our business is

Janice Porter: 00:38:19

relationships. Yes, you can't take that away. And if you you

Janice Porter: 00:38:23

take out the relationships and the connection, you know, you

Janice Porter: 00:38:27

get depression.

Janice Porter: 00:38:29

So true. Yeah, it's so true. You're amazing.

Janice Porter: 00:38:33

Thank you for your time today. And I'd like to just say to my

Janice Porter: 00:38:38

audience that, you know, Tammy reminds us that connection

Janice Porter: 00:38:41

starts with intention. Whether you're crafting a brand message,

Janice Porter: 00:38:45

texting your child or building a business network, how you choose

Janice Porter: 00:38:49

your your work, how you choose your words, can build trust,

Janice Porter: 00:38:53

deepen relationships and make people feel seen. It's not about

Janice Porter: 00:38:56

being perfect, it's about being present. So I hope if this

Janice Porter: 00:39:00

episode sparked something in you, maybe it's time to send a

Janice Porter: 00:39:03

message, one that comes from the heart. Thank you.

Janice Porter: 00:39:08

Tammy J. Cohen: Thank you. That was so beautiful.

Janice Porter: 00:39:12

I love it. Thank you so much. And remember

Janice Porter: 00:39:14

everyone to stay connected and be remembered. You.